A friend of mine recently
posted a quote on Facebook that really spoke to me: “Pretending to be a functional adult is exhausting!” Just read the
following account & you’ll see why. J
Since the inception of my
blogging, I have resisted bringing the fact that I am a family caregiver for my
father into my writing. I’ve wanted my blogging to be uplifting, amusing,
sarcastic & just plain fun. Caring
for an elderly parent isn’t something that you would think usually falls into
any of those categories.
BUT when you really think
about it, the truth is that every single one of those things enter into the
process of caregiving. Even though I’ve been involved in caring for my father for
many years now, I don’t want to be labeled as a “caregiver”. I am literally fighting to NOT be categorized primarily as a caregiver. Yes, that is part of who I am but I won’t let it define
me.
For the past eight years my
father has not been able to live alone. This man has dealt with more health
issues than anyone should have to endure. Yet for the most part, he keeps a
relatively positive attitude although he does seem to work at driving me crazy on many
occasions. J
I won’t go into all the details or I would be sitting here typing for days. He
has had a stroke, two back surgeries, a shunt placed in his head & is
unable to walk without a walker (& that doesn’t include the past six
months). Fortunately, he is still mentally pretty sharp at 85 years old.
We have had someone live
with him to assist him in the mornings & evenings – & just be there in
case he needs help. Again, I could write two books (maybe more) with all that I
have learned & figured out to care for him over the years. Offering a free
room & a small salary to someone who needs to get back on their feet or a
college student has been a godsend to us in getting my dad the minimal care
that he needs. I come in every other weekend & a few weeks a year to
give the live-in caregiver time off.
Unfortunately, we have moved
to another stage of caregiving these past six months. Maybe I’ll go into more
detail as time goes on – or maybe I won’t, I don’t know. The Reader’s Digest
version is that he has been in one hospital or another eight times in the past
six months. It started with cellulitis, then gangrene in a toe, hyperbaric
oxygen treatments, clogged arteries in his leg, a toe amputation, more trying
to clear the arteries, more hyperbaric & finally a transmetatarsal
amputation (the front third of the foot). Following that, since he couldn’t
keep weight totally off the foot using a walker, the wound completely opened
up.
As of this writing he is
getting six weeks of IV antibiotics at a rehab facility. He has been to UCSF Medical
Center in San Francisco
So, you can see how that
pretending to be a functional adult quote above resonates with me. Even though
I am 64 years old, I’m still not sure when I became the “functioning adult” in
charge & it sure as hell is exhausting! When I was around 12, I remember
thinking that I couldn’t wait until I was grown up like my mother who always
seemed to be in total control. Now, that I am grown up (debatably), I think
it was all a smoke & mirrors thing with her – I doubt she felt any more in
control than I do! Poor woman!
