PAUL'S BOOTS

As many of you know, one of my best friends in the whole world, M'Lynn, has lived in Australia for the past 18 years. She is certainly the longest running friend in my life. I met M'Lynn 44 years ago (yikes!) at the parachute drop zone in Livermore - I was 22 & she was 25. It is a friendship that has stood the test of time - & then some.

M'Lynn's partner of 17 years, Paul, passed away last year just prior to his 54th birthday. Yes, we both robbed the cradle if you did the math - her more so than me. Back in August of 2009, I traveled to Australia to visit M'Lynn & Paul. They drove for over an hour to pick me up at the airport at 6:10 AM - now that is a real friend & Paul was right there by her side! They welcomed me with open arms & I thoroughly enjoyed their hospitality.

Paul was an avid hiker before his health deteriorated. His dream was to hike the Appalachian Trail. Even though his body wasn't able, his mind was willing & Paul made big plans to accomplish this feat. To help her grieve the loss of her long time life partner M'Lynn came up with a far-fetched idea - she wanted his hiking boots to make the journey if he couldn't.

M'Lynn is nothing if not determined & I'm pretty sure she could move mountains if that is what was needed. Paul's Boots are nearing the end of the Appalachian Trail right now! Here is a link explaining how that all came about: http://blog.rei.com/paulsboots/ 

I encourage you to click on the above link before reading any further to get an idea of what has transpired. If you have an extra 10 minutes, listen to the podcast about M'Lynn's letter to The Dirtbag Diaries - but keep a kleenex handy. I never even knew what a podcast was until I listened to M'Lynn whine about having to listen to Paul's account of every hiking podcast that he insisted on sharing with her.

A few months after Paul's death, as she choked up, M'Lynn told me what she wanted most in the world was to have him listening to yet another podcast in the next room, sharing every detail with her, then quietly bitching about it all to me while he was at the computer finding more information to tell her.

Now, fast forward to today. M'Lynn has had a photographer from REI at her home in Australia this past week filming bits of Paul's life for a documentary that REI is doing on Paul's Boots along the Appalachian Trail! How cool is that?!!?! I saw some beautiful photos taken at a National Park where Paul & M'Lynn hiked often when she first arrived in Australia. One of her best friend's sons & husband (all of whom I was fortunate enough to meet when I was visiting) accompanied the photographer on his quest.

The day after tomorrow, REI is flying M'Lynn & Paul's brother to Maine so they can be present at the end of the Paul's Boots journey! There have been some beautiful stories & photos along the way. It has been an emotional & amazing adventure for everyone involved. REI & The Dirtbag Diaries have done a remarkable job of turning this crazy whim of M'Lynn's into a reality. Thank you all - can't wait to see the documentary!

Because this is M'Lynn's first trip back to the U. S. since leaving 18 years ago, she is flying to Reno for a reunion with her kids, grandkids & 90-something mom before returning to Australia! AND since Reno is 2 hours from where I live, I'm driving up a week from Monday to spend a few hours with my best friend!!

STARBUCKS & CRAIGSLIST

Years ago, like 15 or more, I would occasionally frequent Starbucks for my drink of choice back in the dark ages - a grande, nonfat, decaf mocha - now there are way more choices. At the time, I'd shell out close to $3 or so for this concoction & enjoyed sipping it as I carried around the familiar cup with the Starbucks emblem that showed I was pretty cool.

At the risk of upsetting any Starbucks fanatics, please don't take offense at the following opinion. I hadn't been in a Starbucks in years. At some point it just kind of dawned on me that I really didn't need to spend $4-5 for a calorie-laden drink that tasted good, but certainly wasn't all THAT great....once again, only my opinion, don't yell at me. Hell, I can get a bean burrito & a senior drink at Taco Bell for half that! 

These past couple of days were spent using Starbucks as my office of choice for caregiver interviews for my dad & given the length of the lines, I'm pretty sure my opinion is in the minority. BUT as an "office", the $5 "rent" for an hour of neutral meeting space wasn't a bad deal at all!

There is a Starbucks on every corner it seems so finding one that was convenient was simple. We would agree on a location, I would arrive about 10 minutes early, order a nonfat, decaf mocha, with whipped cream, (gotta have a little fun) & grab a table. To make identification easier, I would text the applicant, "I'm at Starbucks, wearing pink pants & a pink & white floral top. You can't miss me."

As I waited, watching the shear number of patrons, regardless of the time of day, who popped in to each Starbucks was eye-opening. I had no idea how many people frequent Starbucks for all sorts of hot & cold drinks. It seems that there are Starbucks on every corner now but yet everyone I went to was always busy.

Years ago I read an article that stated something like - take a product that most people drink daily, can make at home for pennies or buy for less than a dollar at any number of fast food or convenience stores, then fancy it up a bit & charge triple the price. Does that seem like a sound business model for success? Well, Starbucks has done just that - quite successfully.

All these years later, Starbucks is alive & well STILL doing the exact same thing. I decided a long time ago that my opinions differ from the general public much of the time. The steady stream of customers at every Starbucks where I met potential caregivers kind of confirmed that conclusion. It still amazes me how many people spend a whole lot of money on fancy coffee drinks.

This is my second time around finding a new caregiver for my dad since we moved him to Roseville. Our current caregiver is leaving the end of the month after being with us for 16 months. Finding her was my first foray into using Craigslist (with initial meetings at Starbucks). I've heard the horror stories of transactions gone wrong on Craigslist & was really leery of trying it.

My son pointed out to me that now days everyone uses Craigslist & those headlines are just a few of the millions of postings on Craigslist. "Plus," he added, "You put up flyers with your phone number & email address on them around town. That way people know your real contact info. On Craigslist, the initial responses are all done through the website without anyone knowing your exact info." I had to agree he had a damn good point.

The response was great the first time around giving us several good people from which to choose. This time it was even better with well-qualified, enthusiastic candidates who made my job much easier. I received 32 responses in a little over two days of the ad being live. I'm a believer!

Sure, half of them weren't applicants we were interested in but I replied to each one thanking them for their interest. I interviewed four wonderful people today & three of them are meeting my dad tomorrow. Honestly, I have no front runner so I'm tasking my dad with making the ultimate choice. I expect to have a new caregiver in just a couple of days - four days after putting the ad on Craigslist. Ya gotta love this twenty-first century technology!

AIR TRAVEL FROM HELL

Can anyone answer this question - "When did air travel go from a civilized way to reach a destination to a fucking nightmare?" People used to dress up to travel. It was exciting to board an aircraft, enjoy the service & jet off to places unknown. You actually had room to stretch out a little. Often times the planes weren't full so you had a whole row to yourself. They fed you a basic meal & you usually arrived at your destination relaxed & ready to enjoy your vacation.

Well - not anymore!  Eleven days ago we flew to Boston for a road trip that ended in Philadelphia. The flights to Boston were uneventful but not terribly comfortable. They were packed & every year it seems they take away another inch of legroom. That's okay if you're 5'4" like me but not if you  are 6'3" like Lou. Every plane is completely full. The only time you are fed something that could possibly be construed as a meal is on an international flight. Domestic flights you are on your own for food. And at airport prices, it is as bad as ballparks but without the ball game to watch!

But we know all that & do our best to take it in stride since air travel is still the quickest way to reach the other side of our country. Even with delays & issues & being packed in like sardines, you can travel 3000 miles in less that a day. I try to keep that in mind.

Occasionally, you have the travel day from hell. Today (or yesterday actually) was one of those days. We left Philadelphia at 1:15 PM Eastern time - at least that was the scheduled time with a one hour layover in Dallas before arriving in Sacramento just before 6 PM Pacific time. The entire country has been in a heat wave which translates to thunderstorms & turbulent weather back east.

Our first flight was delayed about 30 minutes, however, the captain assured us they could make up the time for a close to on time arrival in Dallas. But we sat & we sat & we sat on the tarmac. What the hell is tarmac anyway? Isn't it just asphalt? We had to reroute because of "weather" & finally took off almost two hours late. I figured the chances of making our connection were slim to none. Our only hope was that the connecting flight was also delayed. Didn't happen.

We immediately checked with an agent in Dallas & yes, as I expected, our flight to Sacramento was long gone. There were two other flights to Sacramento that we could standby on but the odds were not good since they were sold out. She booked us on a morning flight out but we could either sleep in the airport or try to find a room at our expense. Tons of flights were delayed or cancelled due to the inclement weather.

At the gate for the first standby flight, we noticed a flight to Las Vegas that was now boarding that had been delayed, also. I asked the agent if we could get on that flight & a later flight to Sacramento but she was one step ahead of me already checking that. Three other people were in the same predicament as us. Two agents went above & beyond getting us on that flight with a 10 PM connection from Vegas to Sacramento. We would get in at 11:35 PM. A hell of a lot better than tomorrow sometime. As we ran to the gate, they announced a cancellation of a flight to Atlanta. The agents literally groaned.

The flight to Las Vegas sat on the tarmac for another hour since flights were backed up but it didn't matter since we had hours to kill in Vegas. That also meant we could eat a real dinner since I was resigned to my evening meal consisting of wine & peanuts.

We were literally the last ones on the flights from Dallas to Las Vegas and from Las Vegas to Sacramento so Lou & I had center seats a few rows apart. On the final leg leaving at 10:05 PM after a really, really long day, our boarding passes weren't recognized. What the fuck? The gate agent told us to see the woman at the counter. She was helping another man but I interrupted & apologized that we needed help NOW. The customer was gracious & understood. I can totally understand how ordinary people go ballistic. I was close to there!

Fortunately we got on the damn airplane & made it back to Sacramento at 11:30 PM - but our luggage didn't. I expected that to be the case since we had no clue what flights we would be on. We filed a report along with a ton of other passengers & are optimistic that they will deliver our suitcases tomorrow morning.

Now, I am home late at night typing away since we left the air conditioning off during our trip & the nationwide heat wave hit us, too. We returned to a house that was 88 degrees & miserable. Lou went upstairs to bed immediately but there is no way I can sleep in this heat. It is 1:45 AM & 83 degrees now. Maybe I'll actually get to sleep sometime before morning.

A SPORTS MOMENT

Even though I have lived in Sacramento for almost 15 years, I have been & always will be a San Francisco Bay Area sports fan at heart. I lived the first 51 years of my life in the East Bay. As Bay Area sports fanatics we have been blessed with numerous championships over the years.

Back in the 70s, the Oakland A’s won three World Series in a row. The San Francisco Forty-Niners won five Super Bowls during the 1980s earning them the title “Team of the Decade”. Also in the mid-seventies the Golden State Warriors won their first championship. Even the Oakland Raiders, who our family has traditionally always hated, won three Super Bowls during the 70s & 80s. 

We did sustain an almost 20 year drought of Bay Area championships until our San Francisco Giants won the first of three World Series in 2010. They have won the World Series every other year which means this is definitely our year for the fourth Major League Baseball title. Go Giants!

The Golden State Warriors finally won it all again last year, 40 years after their first NBA title. This year they posted the most wins in a regular season of any team EVER in the NBA. We had followed them religiously as they moved through the playoffs & into The Finals. I think most of us just assumed they were so good they would breeze through it all & win their second straight championship in Cinderella fashion. 

But, alas, it was not to be. The Cleveland Cavaliers led by LeBron James played just a little bit better winning it in seven games. I meant to post this a couple weeks ago but life intervened & my time was taken up with my granddaughter, friend visits & vacation planning.

As much as I love sports, in the end it really is just a game, not life or death. It comes down to who played better on a given day. This year, sad as it was a couple weeks ago, the Cavaliers did what they had to do & we didn’t. Life goes on & there is always next year. The Warriors are already planning ahead having just signed superstar Kevin Durant!

Sports has been the primary connection between my dad & me since I was a small child. Over the years we have shared all these championships together along with countless other sporting events.  

I am now 66 & he is 87. In years past he could switch between three sporting events on TV like a real pro never missing a big play. Now, he can barely change channels. Often times he doesn’t know the score & I have to bite my tongue when he just can’t discuss sports like we used to do daily. His interest will wander & he often prefers watching Jeopardy or old movies to a sporting event. He hasn’t been the father I grew up with or my fellow sports fanatic in many years. Our roles have reversed, basically I am the parent & he is the child.  

The Warriors game seven happened to fall on Father’s Day, where they played & lost to the Cavaliers. I was staying with my dad for a week while his caregiver was on vacation. Lou came over to watch the game with us. After the game Lou headed home & my dad says to me, “Let’s have a consolation glass of wine.” 

We love our wine but rarely have any after dinner except for special occasions. So, I said “Sure”, & poured us each a glass of wine. What came next as we watched all the post game press conferences & reporting was almost like it used to be. We talked about many of the above mentioned Bay Area sports championships over the years. He brought up lots of memories that we had shared back in the day. 

For a short time, it almost felt like my dad was back. We were interacting & discussing events almost like we used to do. The irony of it being Father’s Day was not lost on me. We had a definite “sports moment” over a glass of wine or two. Yes, the Warriors lost but for a few minutes I was reminded that the connection between father & daughter was still there.

SECRETS & SURPRISES

Thirty-five years ago or so, I learned that small children don't keep secrets well. I recently discovered that is still true today. But in many ways that is a good thing since any adult caring for a child wants them to know they should definitely tell if someone has told them to keep a secret. I'm not talking about those kinds of secrets here, but rather just keeping a secret to surprise someone or spare their feelings.

Case in point - last week I was planning Darrin's Father's Day gift with Charley while he was at work. It was early in the morning & I had her decorate & "sign" his card from her. She also put stickers all over the envelope & wrote "Daddy" on the front more or less....mostly less. We put the card in the envelope & I asked her if she wanted to lick it. She did, so I showed her how to carefully lick it & stick it shut.

I told her we had to find a rock that was a few inches long & fairly smooth so she could paint it & we would write his name on it. It would be a paperweight for his desk at work. I explained how if you have lots of papers & want to keep them all in one place you put a paperweight on them. I added that Daddy would think of her every time he saw it on his desk.

We couldn't find a rock around the apartment complex but I told her I would keep looking for one explaining that we still had time until Father's Day. We discussed not telling him so he would be surprised when he opened his present.

After that we watched a couple of Scooby Doo Mysteries, did a few puzzles, played princesses, ate lunch, went to the Dollar Store for more stickers & puzzles, stopped by Kennedy Park to ride the carousel & the train, climbed on everything at the playground & shopped at Target buying Golden State Warriors shirts for both of us.

Darrin takes the Amtrak train to work since commuting in the Bay Area is a nightmare. The train station is less than a mile walk from his apartment, it's about a 40 minute ride then a short walk to his office. He is able to work from home part of the time but I come in to stay with Charley when she is with him so he can go to work. She & I drive down to meet his train in the afternoon.

As he exits the train, Charley runs into his arms showering him with kisses. She usually wants Daddy to sit next to her in the back while I drive us home. They were in the back seat getting her seat belt on while I walked around to the driver's side. I opened the door & heard Darrin say, "You licked it?" Charley replied, "Yeah, I licked it. But we couldn't find a rock." I smiled, shook my head & said, "It  has to do with Father's Day. Don't ask." He smiled back.

I couldn't believe it! After not talking about it since morning & all that we did during the day, the first words out of her mouth are about "our secret".

That reminded me of a time when Darrin was around six. My parents had gone away for a couple days. We lived nearby so it was our job to stop by their house before & after school & in the evening to feed their dog, Faira, & let her outside to do her business. Faira was a total house dog. My sister & I always believed they treated their dog better than us most of the time.

Well, one morning, I thought Faira had come back in the house & gone to their bedroom. I took Darrin to school, went on about my errands, picked up Darrin & went to let Faira out that afternoon. When we walked in the house, I saw the dog outside through the glass door. She was not a happy camper & I knew that my mother would not be pleased that her precious Faira was left outside all day. We let her in & all was fine.

BUT I knew that I had to tell my parents what I had done. While relating this story to my sister, she asked incredulously, "And you told them?" I replied, "I HAD to, Darrin was with me. You know he would have ratted me out." It was a long time before they went somewhere again that they couldn't take the dog with them.

SAFE AT HOME?

Have you ever had your home burglarized? It is a feeling of total violation & a sense that you will never feel safe again. Fortunately, this particular recollection is not a new experience but rather an old one that has been brought to the forefront again recently.

Back when Darrin was three, a little younger than Charley is now, I played tennis on a local women's team. My parents watched Darrin for me during the few morning hours each week. After tennis I brought my son home early one afternoon, unlocked the front door & left him in the living room playing for a few seconds while I ran back to the car to grab my tennis gear. Back in the house as I rounded the corner to the kitchen, I noticed the door to the garage was open, I thought, "I know I locked that door when I left."

The horror hit me as I realized that the door frame was splintered with pieces of wood all over the floor. Someone had smashed in the door shattering the wooden frame. I guess my natural protective mom instinct kicked in because I immediately went into the living room, picked up Darrin & said in a loud voice, "Mommy forgot something from the car," as I walked out the front door. I didn't know if anyone was still in our house!

The neighbors on one side of us both worked so I went to the retired woman's house on the other side. Fortunately, she was home & let me use her phone to call the police. Since there was nothing construed as immediate danger by the police they took their sweet time arriving. I also called my parents who were a few blocks away. My dad came over as we waited for the police.

Outside the house I noticed that the side gate to our backyard was open which I was sure I would have seen as I pulled into our driveway. We never left it open. Suddenly, my heart was racing & I felt nauseous as I wondered if someone was indeed in our house when I left my child briefly in the living room or when I grabbed him & we walked out the front door? Did they leave the gate open as they made their escape through the garage?

My father finally went in the house to look around & found nothing. Our bedroom had open drawers that had been rifled through but the only items taken were a few pieces of jewelry & our handgun. Had I interrupted the thieves? The police filed a report but they were not optimistic that anything would be recovered. It wasn't.

What really struck me was feeling unsafe in my own home. Most of the time we feel that if our doors & windows are locked we are safe in our house. It is our sanctuary that will keep us protected from harm. But yet, someone had come into my house by kicking in a door & rummaged through my drawers taking whatever they wanted. It was such a feeling of violation by strangers who invaded my territory.

I took a self defense class soon after that. Although it helped a little, it was months before I could go to bed & feel even semi-safe in my own house.

What triggered these long ago recollections is that Lou & I have noticed our neighborhood is not the safest anymore. We installed an alarm many years ago using it religiously when we leave the house. After realizing that we can arm the motion sensor from the stairway, we decided to start using the alarm at night, too. However, we quickly figured out a system to prevent us from setting it off in the morning since we've each done that once already.

Lou asked me awhile ago what I thought about getting a gun. Given the history of my grandfather being killed by gun violence & the fact that I have owned guns (& know how to use them correctly) my gut reaction was "yes". I'm okay with it if we make absolutely sure it is put away when Charley is here & we follow strict rules regarding NEVER coming home unexpectedly.

I hate that I feel compelled to want to have a gun in the house. I hate that we feel the need to set an alarm every night. I hate that I am reminded of a terrifying time when my home was invaded years ago. But mostly, I hate that Charley has to grow up in a world where this is all commonplace.

What are your thoughts?

KID'S DAY

Kid's Day was celebrated last Thursday. What, you may ask, is Kid's Day? Well, let me explain. One afternoon about 32 years ago, you could almost see the wheels turning in my 8 year old son's brain as he contemplated something. We had celebrated Mother's Day for me & my mother. As we were discussing Father's Day plans a few weeks later, our child asked an interesting question, "Why isn't there a Kid's Day? There is Mother's Day & Father's Day."

We replied with our parental logic that he had birthdays & Christmas to receive gifts & celebrate. Darrin replied, "But you have birthdays & Christmas, too." We pondered this conversation for all of about two minutes before deciding that he was right & we should definitely celebrate Kid's Day. That day a new holiday was born.

Kid's Day was not a specific day but was celebrated between Mother's Day & Father's Day. There were all kinds of ways to observe it. The very first Kid's Day, shortly after Darrin's declaration, consisted of us letting him skip school to attend the premier of "Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom" movie with his father. Hey, kids need "mental health" days, too.

Some years it was incorporated into a family getaway for Mother's, Father's & Kid's Days or it could be a special event or, occasionally, just a gift. Mostly, it was a way to show him how special he was to us & how much we appreciated him. Over the years Kid's Day became less of an event as Darrin grew up. But it was still resurrected on occasion since he will always be my "kid" regardless of his age.

Now, that Charley is four, I started explaining the concept of Kid's Day to her the last couple of times I've seen her. I told her the story of how her daddy "invented" it & that we were going to start celebrating Kid's Day with her. Darrin & Charley have been staying with us for a few days so I took the opportunity to introduce her to her first Kid's Day this past Thursday.

To keep the day appropriate for her age, we started with a trip to Krispy Kreme donuts. She loves her sweets & loved watching the donuts move down the conveyor belt by the hundreds as they fried in the oil. Her favorite part was the machine that flipped them over to cook the other side. After much consideration she chose a chocolate glazed donut with sprinkles. I had my favorite, a glazed devil's food one.

From there we headed to Toys R Us where I let her pick out her first Kid's Day gift - which given our history, turned into gifts (plural). I knew this was going to happen since Gaga is a total sucker where Charley is concerned. We managed to whittle the ten things in the cart down to four.

She chose a Periwinkle fairy doll (Disney fairies are a favorite), a set of six Frozen action figures including Sven & Olaf, a princess dress & a new feather boa (she loves to play dress up). Her "old" feather boa has lost over half of its feathers these past couple of years. It seems that my natural frugality flies out the window when it comes to spending money on Charley.

We spent the afternoon of Kid's Day in the pool. It has been really hot so the pool was warm enough for Gaga to enjoy it with her. Later I had the table set for dinner & was busy cooking away in the kitchen when Charley says, "I want to eat outside." Our pool area is really beautiful. It looks like a free form pond with dark walls. There are large rocks around it & a waterfall. We have a covered area next to it with a table & chairs. It is a lovely setting & Charley really likes eating out there.

We tried to convince her that it was too hot but she was adamant. She & Darrin went outside to check it out & see if it was feasible. When they returned to the kitchen Darrin stated, "Charley really, really wants to eat outside. And after all, it is Kid's Day." So, we had our dinner outside in 100 degree weather & nobody seemed to mind at all. It was a great ending to a wonderful Kid's Day!