GRAMMAR SOAPBOX

My number one pet peeve when it comes to misuse of the English language is with the word "unique". Hardly a day goes by that I don't hear someone (usually on TV) say "very unique". I just heard it again from a scientist on Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show. When describing her butterfly robot she said, "It is very unique technology." I wanted to scream....ARRGGGHHH!

There are no degrees of "unique"! Something is either "unique" or it isn't. Let me emphasize this again - THERE ARE NO DEGREES OF UNIQUE!!!

Okay, time to hop on my grammar soapbox for this blog post. I pulled out my copy of "The Elements of Style" by William Strunk, Jr. & E.B.White. Anyone who writes, for fun or for a living, will likely have a copy of "The Elements of Style". It is a skinny little book that addresses pretty much any question a writer may have regarding rules of usage, composition & misused words or expressions. It has stood the test of time - as far as I can tell from reading the title page & introduction, it dates back to 1919.

Here is what "The Elements of Style" says about the word "unique": "Means without like or equal. Hence, there can be no degrees of uniqueness."

Examples from the book:

"It was the most unique coffee maker available.", should be "It was a unique coffee maker."

"The balancing act was very unique.", should be "The balancing act was unique."

I hear intelligent, educated people say "very unique" all the time & I want to yell at them, "There are no degrees of unique! Unique doesn't need to be described." I am by no means a card carrying member of the grammar police but this one grates on me. I think we all have pet peeves that drive us just a tiny bit crazy. What are yours?

I decided to look up one of my lesser annoyances in "The Elements of Style" to see what their take was on one of my dad's favorite words. For as long as I can remember my father has used the word "irregardless". I always believed that it should just be "regardless". As I typed this, low & behold, my spell checker flagged "irregardless" as misspelled. I thought, "Yeah, because it's not a word."

Pulling my well used dictionary (next to my "The Elements of Style") from the shelf above my computer, I discovered that Webster's defines "irregardless" as "a substandard or humorous redundancy for regardless".

"The Elements of Style" says "Irregardless should be regardless. The error results from failure to see the negative in "less" & from a desire to get it in as a prefix". So, there you have it - "You're wrong, Dad!"

I should probably go back & read through the 95 pages of "The Elements of Style" again since I am guilty of many of the rules brought up by the authors. I have a tendency to use the word "so" too often (see above paragraph) when the book tells me to avoid it.

But I think the thing I need to work on most is number 17 in the "Principles of Composition" chapter - "Omit needless words". In the previous sentence I could leave out "But I think" & "most" making it "The thing I need to work on is number 17, etc. But I LIKE my needless words. They feel needed to me. The shortened sentence sounds awfully boring to me. I've always been a talker & tend to write that way, too. And don't even get me started on commas.

FIVE LEVELS OF SENIORHOOD

Those of us who left our forties behind quite some time ago know that there are various stages of "seniorhood". It is about a fifteen year process to make it from being termed "middle-aged" to being a legitimate "senior citizen". We all start out in childhood, progress to adulthood & end up in seniorhood. I don't even want to consider what comes next.

That term "senior citizen" always reminded me of my step father-in-law of many, many years ago. Grandpa Bob was a character &, if I'm being honest, a royal pain in the ass. BUT that has nothing to do with this post since my guess is that he was a pain in the ass long before he became a senior. What I was reminded of is that he always called himself a "senile citizen." One of the few things about the man that made me smile.

But I digress - back to my "Five Levels of Seniorhood".

Level One - 50 years: The first stage of becoming a senior is turning 50 years old, half a century of living. Yikes! Of course, if you still look fairly good & are in decent health then it's not so bad since people say, "You don't look fifty at all!" or "You look great for fifty!" Plus this is when you can join AARP & start getting a few discounts on hotels, rental cars, etc. In all honesty though with AAA membership you can get the same discounts. It is still easy to rationalize that fifty isn't really old. Just a thought - have you ever noticed that it is always about 15 years older than you are that you consider old?

Level Two - 55 years: When you reach your 55th birthday the discounts really begin to kick in. Many restaurants have a "senior menu" that says for those 55 & up (or if they are being cutesy, 55 & better). This is when you can really start cashing in on those discounts in earnest. I recall knowing about the senior drink at Taco Bell (free or highly discounted) & asked at what age you could get it. I was told by the teenage boy at the register that he was instructed to give it to anyone who asked for it - no specific age. Although I'm guessing anyone over 55 probably looked around 100 to the kids working there anyway.

Level Three - 60 years: Turning 60 opened the door to a few more discounts but wasn't anything special - just another decade. By now most of us are accustomed to checking the back page of the menu for senior pricing. Whenever we book a room or a cruise I always check for deals for seniors. Most admissions to movies, museums, galleries or attractions offer a senior discount that sometimes commences at 60 years old. 

Level Four - 62 years: Level four of seniorhood is a big one since you can now apply for Social Security!  Most people I know (especially those no longer working) collected it at this first opportunity. When you do the math by waiting until 66 (or your "retirement" age) it takes over 15 years until you are finally ahead of the game. I don't know about you but I want my money now when I can enjoy it rather than waiting until I'm 81 to start receiving it. Who knows how much I'll want to do or be able to do when I'm in my 80s - assuming I even make it that far. A really cool perk is that you are now eligible for your Senior National Parks Pass - for $10 you get a card that gives you access to all the National Park sites for life! My sweetie just attained this level of seniorhood a few days ago. He's more excited about his own Parks Pass than the Social Security.

Level Five - 65 years: The ultimate & final stage of seniorhood! You are now eligible for Medicare. Virtually every discount & perk for senior citizens is now at your disposal. I find that every meal, ticket or admission that we purchase the first words out of my mouth are "Do you offer a senior discount?" I mean, hey, there have to be some benefits for making it all the way to 65 & beyond, right? And the best reward is that you now have grandchildren, hopefully, which is the ultimate in pure pleasure. You love them, spoil them, make your own rules, wave bye-bye to them & their parents as you smile broadly & head to bed happily exhausted.

This is the perfect place to share a senior ditty that I saved a few years ago. Whenever I see these little gems I keep them for further use or to just read every now & then & smile.

New Wine for Seniors

California vintners in the Napa Valley area which

primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot

Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid

grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected

to reduce the number of trips older people have 

to make to the bathroom at night

The new wine will be marketed as Pinot More.

CONVERSATIONS WITH CHARLEY - PART III

The interesting interactions with my five year old granddaughter, Charley, never cease to amaze me. Here are a few more discussions & Charley-isms.

Charley & I (along with her other grandma) share the middle name, Ellen. She is learning that most people have a third name that isn't normally used. She uniquely calls it an "Ellen name" since that is her middle name. Sitting around the dinner table last month the following conversation took place.

Charley:  Lou, what is your Ellen name?

Lou:  John

Charley:  How old are you?

Lou:  How old do you think I am?

Charley:  Six? No, thirty.

Lou:  Thirty is closer than six, but I'm sixty-two.

Gaga:  No, you aren't. You're sixty-one.

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There is a leopard skin print comforter & sheets in our guest room which Darrin & Charley share on their visits to Sacramento. When they were visiting we had this conversation.

Charley:  Gaga, did you see my new book?

Gaga:  No, where is it?

Charley:  It's in my room.

Gaga:  Oh, in your room in Hayward. I'll have to see it in a few days.

Charley:  No, it's in my room! (Gaga still wasn't quite understanding she meant here.)  The one with the Cheetah polka dots!

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One day Charley & I were discussing playing with her identical twin friends who live in the same apartment complex. Their names are Maya & Jada. We always refer to them in that order.

Gaga:  We need to head down to the playground to meet Jada & Maya.

Charley:  No, Gaga! It's Maya & Jada, not Jada & Maya. That's not their names!

Gaga: Okay, you're right, Maya & Jada. I stand corrected.

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My father, who we all call Pop, had a couple of large unexpected expenses as well as a few expected ones recently. He ended up shelling out $3500 in less than a week! Fortunately, he has money to cover it. Darrin, Charley & I were eating dinner & touched on his finances.

Gaga:  Yeah, Pop got hit really hard last week!

Charley:  Who hit Pop?

Gaga:  No, sweetie, it is just an expression meaning things cost a lot.

Charley:  Is he hurt?

Darrin:  No, Charley, nobody hit Pop. He's fine.

I think we finally convinced her that Pop is indeed okay. No one hit him & it is just a way to say that he had to spend a lot of money.

GAGA LOGIC

There is this thing called "Girl Logic" or "Female Logic" or "Woman Logic". Whichever way you refer to it, the basic concept is that it really isn't logical at all but makes sense to her. For example: If a woman has had a salad for lunch & saved 300 calories over what she would normally eat, then she can have a chocolate chip cookie & still have saved 150 calories - therefore a cookie is healthy! Or if a girl found a blouse for half price then she can buy two & she is ecstatic even though she spent the same amount of money.

In my online research trying to explain "Girl Logic" I also found countless examples that seem to drive men crazy. I won't even go into those explanations since most women know how easy it is to confuse a man & drive him nuts without even trying.

A few days ago while shopping with my five year old granddaughter, Charley, I applied the concepts of "Gaga Logic" & it all made perfect sense to me. If you know me or have read these blog posts, you are aware that Gaga is a total pushover when it comes to Charley. I am quite frugal in my "real" life but where Charley is concerned, I will spend money I would never spend elsewhere.

I was watching Charley while her daddy went in to work. It was a windy, rainy day so we were cooped up inside. After watching some TV, eating breakfast & playing dominoes we were planning to see "Beauty & the Beast" at the movies. After checking it out online many sites felt it might be too scary & intense for young children. Charley & I watched a couple of trailers online & she agreed it looked too scary so we scrapped that idea.

I suggested that we go to the mall instead (with a bit of an ulterior motive). Last month we came across some "Monster High" figures at a store. Charley excitedly pointed & knew exactly who they were but I had no clue. We came home, searched on Netflix & watched a "Monster High" show. It was pretty cool.

The characters are typical teen-agers with monster characteristics & names like "Frankie Stein" & "Draculaura" & "Clawdean Wolf" & "Lagoona Blue". Good Lord, I just looked it up & there are 67 characters listed - I'll never remember all of those. The students at "Monster High" get into all sorts of predicaments, but ultimately it works out fine & there is a positive message that is shared. Charley knows lots of songs from the shows & really loves the characters.

My hope was to buy her one or two of the figures. Unfortunately that store in the mall didn't have them anymore so we went to Ross where I ended up buying her a Barbie that she really loved. She has one already & decided to name the new one Rosie who would be Barbie's older sister since she was taller. They each had two or three outfits & could share them.

Gaga was slightly disappointed that we couldn't find the "Monster High" figures so I suggested we head to Toys R Us. It was deja vu all over again for me since I had visited that same store hundreds of times with her daddy when he was on his Star Wars & G.I.Joe quests around thirty years ago.

Of course they had a whole aisle of "Monster High" stuff - who knew? She had to have the "Frankie Stein" figure AND the "Draculaura" with 30 different hair accessories (extensions, clips, headbands, etc). I'd already spent $12 on Rosie & her clothes. These two totaled another $35. This is where the "Gaga Logic" kicked in.

If we had gone to the movie, I would have spent $12 on the tickets & another $12 on popcorn & a drink. That was $24 right there. I have a fairly substantial stash of Christmas & birthday money left to spend. Isn't gift money supposed to be spent on something that you really want that makes you happy? Well, seeing the joy on my sweetie's face when I said, "Sure, Gaga can buy you both of them", made me deliriously happy & I really wanted it. So, I took a $20 from my birthday money & it was just about a wash - "Gaga Logic" - voila!

Charley had the best time playing with Barbie, Rosie, Frankie & Draculaura all afternoon. Any amount spent would have been a bargain. Besides, I only had a boy to interact with & I knew all about trains, Star Wars, & airplanes. I totally loved it. But I never got to change clothes on dolls, put on belts or shoes, comb hair, choose accessories or do any of this cool girl stuff. This is fun!

GAGA, THE SPORTS GEEK

There was never much doubt, but it's official now, Gaga is a sports geek. Several months ago when we learned that the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament was coming to Sacramento, I asked Lou to get us tickets for my birthday. He wasn't too hot on the idea but it is something that I've always wanted to do so he bought the tickets.

Our brand new, state of the art arena, Golden 1 Center, in downtown Sacramento hosted the first & second rounds of what is lovingly called "March Madness". It is a big deal to be chosen as a venue since the tournament brings a lot of visitors & money into the city. By all accounts it was a stunning success for our city & they have put in bids for future NCAA Tournaments.

On Friday there were four basketball games scheduled in two sessions. It was over eight hours of actual basketball plus 30 minutes between games. We left the house at 9:45 AM & returned home at 9:45 PM. On Sunday afternoon the four winners played each other (five more hours) to send two teams to the "Sweet Sixteen" round. What started as 64 teams in 8 different venues is whittled down to 16 after the first week.

I just don't have the time to devote to watching college sports anymore but back in the day, like 30 - 35 years ago, I was a huge college basketball fan. I knew all the teams, the best players, the coaches & could hold my own in a discussion with any man. One year, in the early 80s, I happened to be in Nevada during the first rounds of the tournament. There are 32 games the first two days! Being quite knowledgeable, I sat in the sports bar literally all day making $5 bets & winning the majority of them. All the old men loved the crazy sports lady & the bartender bought me drinks all day!

I don't have an official "Bucket List", but if I did attending an NCAA Basketball Tournament would be on it, especially the "Final Four" which I hope to someday accomplish as well. The funny thing was that those players who I watched 30 years ago are the coaches now!  And their sons are playing the games. It was a lot of fun for me even though it was a real marathon session. Lou was a real trooper since he has never been a college sports fan at all. He only fell asleep a couple of times.

Maybe it's because they intentionally gouge you on prices or maybe it's partly because I'm getting old, but the concession prices are outrageous! The jumbo hotdog was $10 (& it wasn't that big), the Carnitas Nachos were $13 (they were really good) & a 20 ounce bottle of soda or water was $5 (half that at a convenience store). Literally nothing was less than $5 & they didn't sell beer since it was a college event. Lord only knows what that would have cost??!!?

We ate both lunch & dinner at the arena on Friday at a cost of around $60 for not a lot of food. It is difficult to carry food & drinks up the steep stairs of the upper deck plus there are no cup holders, one of my pet peeves. I mean, come on, it is supposed to be state of the art & no cup holders on the upper level??? On Sunday we stopped at Mel's Diner for a late lunch & skipped dinner to avoid the cost & inconvenience. By halftime of the second game, I decided to splurge & buy some Red Vines (red licorice is what we called it) & a bottle of water for $10.

When I was a kid our family went to a local ballpark to watch softball games. Our treat was red licorice at a cost of a penny each. My mother let us buy five for a nickel. Once in awhile if it was a long evening, we could have ten for a dime. I did the math & my red licorice at the tournament cost 33-1/3 cents each. However, it did bring back memories of sporting events past & I enjoyed it immensely.

Years ago I told Lou not to buy me jewelry or expensive gifts for birthdays or Christmas, but take me to a sporting event, concert or on a trip instead. He's done that now for years & for me that is a sign of true love. Most people think I'm crazy for choosing 12 hours of basketball over a diamond - but, hey, that's me! I love it & I'm not apologizing for it.

So, here I sit typing away less than an hour before my 67th birthday, eating the last few of my three for a dollar Red Vines that used to cost one cent each, thinking I've got it pretty good. Plus I get to see the light of my life, Charley Ellen, in just about 36 hours. Happy Birthday to me. Life is good!

DIVINE INTERVENTION

These past few days I have been experiencing a Twilight Zone-ish thing that culminated this morning in a really good conclusion. But first let me give you a little background information as to how this all came about. I'm still shaking my head back & forth as I sit here writing about my little escapade with what can only be described as divine intervention.

Many of you know that we returned from an eleven day southern Caribbean cruise  a week & a half ago. It was a wonderful cruise except for one minor happenstance. On the second day of the cruise I bit into my tasty cheese roll at dinner to feel something extremely hard. Oh, shit, I murmured as I realized it was a tooth or a piece of one! I pulled it out of my mouth & was just starting to examine it as the waiter arrived to take our order.

I shoved the tooth in my pocket & hoped that it wasn't from somewhere that showed when I talked or smiled. After ordering some absolutely delicious salmon, I realized that it was a few teeth from the back on the upper left. And fortunately, it didn't hurt at all. Thank goodness for small favors.

When we returned to our cabin, I quickly zipped it into a small baggie & placed it in the cupboard - this much I know for sure. We were in a hurry to get to the show & I didn't know if it was a crown or a tooth that had broken off. Over the next few days I kind of forgot about the tooth but have vague remembrances of putting it in either my purse or my carry on bag (somewhere safe) to bring home & take to the dentist.

Today was my dental appointment. I started looking a few days ago for the tooth. Low & behold, I couldn't find the frickin' thing anywhere. I looked in my purse & checked every pocket in my carry on more than once but no tooth. As time went on I was really thinking that it was a crown for a number of reasons that aren't necessary to the story - & you don't need details of my mouth I'm sure.

I brought Lou into the search a day or two ago & he looked in all of his stuff to no avail. Now, I was getting pissed off since I figured it would be way cheaper to glue it back on then to make a new one. We pulled down the suitcases & carry ons to search one more time - nothing. Damn it, where could it be? Both of us had checked every cabinet in our stateroom several times before departure & were sure we would have noticed the baggie if it was still there.

I kept repeating my mantra, "If all it takes is time or money to fix something, it isn't that big of a problem." But I sure didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars if I didn't need to. I had resolved myself to that being the case, telling myself, "It's only money."

I love my dentist who is in Pleasanton (100 miles from Sacramento) so I had to get up early to make my 10:30 AM appointment. I brought my grooming things downstairs so as not to disturb Lou. After breakfast, make up & hair fixing, I decided to pull my travel toothbrush & toothpaste out of my quart bag for liquids that was still in my purse from our flights & just brush my teeth downstairs.

There is a small opening in part of the toothbrush & I noticed something weird was wedged in it. Muttering "What the hell?" (actually something much more descriptive), I was flabbergasted to find my tooth! My first thought was "Thank you, God, for looking out for me" once I comprehended that it was indeed the wayward tooth.

Literally 10 minutes before I was ready to leave it turned up in the strangest place - no baggie, just the tooth. I have absolutely no recollection of putting it in the quart bag with my liquids but I must have. I guess that was my "safe place". Maybe senility really is kicking in. Or I'm just going nuts.

Arriving at the office, I asked the dentist if it was indeed a crown. She replied, "Yep & it looks in good shape. We should be able to glue it back on." It was quick, easy & no novocaine required. The best part is that it literally saved me at least $800!!! I am in awe of all the tiny unrelated details that had to come together this morning to find the stupid tooth. Can you imagine if I paid for a new one & found the damn thing next week? I am so thankful that God had my back through all this craziness! 

DISNEY ON ICE

Just need to do a little bit of ranting....BUT it all turned out okay in the end which has me feeling pretty good today. Sometimes either God feels a little sorry for you or the stars align or you just get lucky. Anyway, back to the beginning of my story.

Last year we took Charley to see Disney's Frozen on Ice. She loved it! We all had a wonderful, magical time sharing the ice skating escapades of Elsa, Anna, Olaf & the gang. Gaga spent lots of money but didn't mind one bit seeing the happiness & excitement on my sweetheart's smiling face.

We have been bombarded with commercials for the next Disney on Ice - World of Enchantment on television these past few weeks. This show includes the characters from Toy Story, Cars, The Little Mermaid &, of course, Frozen - all favorites of Charley. Gaga has also seen all four movies more than once, some many, many times. When I checked the dates, I discovered that it will be in Sacramento on the days that Charley & Darrin are up here visiting next week. Hooray!

Golden1 Center, our new downtown arena in Sacramento, is a gorgeous facility that we hope will revitalize our downtown area with new hotels, restaurants & shops. Lou & I have attended one King's game since its opening last October. Disney on Ice will give Darrin a chance to see our new facility & of course, Charley, will thoroughly enjoy the show & all the additional goodies that Gaga will buy her.

For several days I have been checking ticket prices. I'm not sure that I like this idea but they use what is called "market pricing" for most events. That means that the same seats can be different prices on different days all based on how many tickets are being sold. For whatever reason Friday night's prices were considerably less than Thursday, Saturday or Sunday - go figure. Anyway, Darrin said, "Go for it!" & Lou agreed to come along, too. He has seen Frozen & Cars so knows the stories for those movies.

Last night I sat down to do some final research on Friday night's tickets. It turns out that Friday is still not the most popular (good for us) since I could get four tickets in the tenth row of the lower level for $28 each! Score! Other nights the same tickets were as high as $68. Now, here is the rant part I mentioned. I go through all the Ticketmaster stuff expecting $112 plus some of the obligatory "fees". The total shows as $160.85!!! WTF?? $48.85 in "fees"??!!? Well, no way was Gaga spending that much on "fees" - over $12 per $28 ticket! That is ridiculous!

I decided to drive downtown this morning & pick up tickets at the arena to avoid a majority of the "fees". And, here is the lucky part I mentioned above. I easily figured out which street was closest to the ticket office & turned onto it. As I began looking for a place to park & passed the walkway to the box office, a car pulled out of a parking space about half a block ahead. I did a perfect parallel parking job & fed the meter a few quarters to give me half an hour figuring there might be a line. This was one of the easiest park jobs I've experienced in downtown Sacramento!

Inside there was one person ahead of me. A very nice man helped me choose our tickets which were the same ones I was trying to get online. He apologized for the fact that there are still "fees" involved. Just an aside, why don't they just add the "fees" in & charge that price for the tickets??? They aren't fooling any of us into thinking we are paying less because the "fees" aren't included.

Anyway, my total came to $128.60 - a more reasonable $4 per ticket extra in "fees". I was back in my car in less than ten minutes. So, even allowing for my few quarters & around a gallon of gas, I figured that about 45 minutes of my time saved me right around $30 - not bad. When I texted Darrin to tell him I got the tickets & saved 30 bucks, I added - "Enough to buy a magic wand at the show!" 💖😊💝