SOAPBOX RANT!!!

GAGA IS ON HER SOAPBOX, YELLING, STOMPING & RANTING!

When exactly did getting a newspaper paid for & delivered to the house turn into an unbelievably ludicrous ordeal? My 86 year old father moved to Roseville in late October. Reading the morning newspaper everyday is one of his primary activities. Before he even moved I signed him up for home delivery of the Sacramento Bee, the only local paper.

Initially, on October 20th, I asked them to start delivery on October 25th, the first day he would wake up in his new home. When I arrived for some preliminary work on October 22nd, there was the newspaper in the driveway. Good start, guys.....& it's gone downhill from there.

I went online (they want you to do EVERYTHING online these days - which is fine with me) & entered his contact & credit card info & signed him up for "auto pay" every 13 weeks. BUT a couple months later, he received a letter saying his account was past due. Damn it! I went back online, filled out all of the payment info AGAIN, submitted it & once again assumed that it was fixed when I received the confirmation screen. I did not heed the old "assume" adage - when you assume, it will make an ass out of u & me. My bad.

Another month or two of blissful ignorance goes by as my dad reads his morning newspaper. Now, fast forward to a few weeks ago. He received another letter telling him that his account was past due. For the third time I went online, entered & doubled checked all the payment info & authorizing payment.

Last week my dad showed me yet another FINAL NOTICE that his newspaper delivery would be stopped if his account was not paid. After several expletive filled tirades, I was fit to be tied. Can't anyone do anything right anymore? I certainly don't condone it but I can sure understand why people take guns to businesses & start firing!

The next day I called the newspaper & spoke to a young man who once again took the credit card info & signed him up for "auto pay". He had no explanation as to why it was not in their system. He assured me that it was all in order now & he apologized profusely for all the problems. I reported to my dad that it was supposedly now fixed - but added, don't hold your breath.

Three days later he didn't receive a paper. They called the automated phone line but no newspaper was delivered. The next morning no newspaper again. Now, I was full speed ahead ranting & called the newspaper AGAIN. The woman informed me that it had been cancelled due to lack of payment! What the fuck???? I was close to pulling my hair out but explained the entire situation again. She was very sorry & had no idea why it wasn't in their system & she assured me that it was now fixed. I asked her to please forgive me for not believing her since I've heard that before & asked to talk to a supervisor.

I waited 15 minutes on hold for the supervisor but at this point, I HAD to have my say. I gave her the Reader's Digest version of events & said they need to figure out what needs to be done to provide decent customer service. I added that if there was another choice of newspapers we would certainly try it.

She asked to explain what happened so I begrudgingly shut up & let her. She talked sooooooo s - l - o - w - l - y that I was ready to explode (& I'm sure my blood pressure was going up by the minute!) Her entire defense was that they give customers a 90 day grace period before canceling the newspaper & my dad's account hadn't been paid since December so his 90 days were up.

At that point, I was totally frustrated & forcefully said, "Let me interrupt you! I understand what you are saying. IF I had not paid for my dad's newspaper in 90 days, I would apologize profusely, thank you & say 'good-bye'. BUT I have entered the info online 3 times & called last week to give you the info again. So, please, just do me a favor, get your act (really meant shit) together & deliver my dad's newspaper. Good-bye."

BUT it wasn't over yet. Why am I not surprised? He received his paper for two days then this morning no newspaper. I called yet again & spoke to first a customer service rep & waited 20 minutes for another supervisor. Both of them kept apologizing every 30 seconds. I told both of them, "Stop apologizing! Your apologies mean nothing to me. JUST FIX IT!" I was AGAIN assured it would be fixed this time without another apology.

I have the supervisor's name & call sign plus the name of a manager who will receive a scathing letter regarding their maddening customer service. Would you believe that ALL of the managers were in a meeting & couldn't take my call? Right, neither did I. If my dad's credit card is not charged tomorrow morning, I will try stopping service in his name then starting it in my name. If that doesn't work, I'm contacting Call Kurtis, a local TV consumer problem solver! This WILL get fixed!

Don't mess with Gaga!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

In just a few hours I will be 65 years old.....SIXTY-FIVE!!! I am still trying to wrap my brain around that fact. I'm not complaining, mind you, just trying to figure out how the hell it happened? It sure doesn't seem like I have been on this planet anywhere near that long.

I certainly don't feel even close to being a 65 year old but yet I am now eligible for every senior discount known to man. It was kind of fun to join AARP when I turned 50. The age of 55 brought the first phase of senior discounts...Woo Hoo! When I turned 60, then 62 more & more discounts were added. Now, there ain't no one telling me that I'm not eligible for any senior discount!  Virtually every restaurant, tour or attraction that offers a discount for old folks will be available to me!

Although there are many instances in which I have to act my age, such as taking care of my dad, solving problems or making sure life runs relatively smoothly, there are still times when I refuse to act like a grown up. For instance, I still wear my hair long & curly even if it is out of style for an old lady. I like to paint my fingernails crazy, bright colors & do one a different color. Just this morning I knocked a scab off my arm while at the store (why is it that you touch something at this age & are either bleeding or bruised?) & the only band-aid I had in my purse was a "Frozen" one. No one asked why a 65 year old woman was wearing an Elsa band-aid on her arm while shopping.

I love taking walks with my three year old granddaughter, Charley (that's why the "Frozen" band-aids). If she gets tired she just sits down in the driveway when it is time to rest & I join her. Examining wild flowers, throwing rocks in the creek or just laying flat on our bellies watching the water trickle by are amazingly fun activities. Even if my body creaks a little getting up & down, she certainly keeps me young at heart!

I find great solace in the fact that people often tell me I don't look anywhere near my age. Thank you all very much! My grandmother looked & acted "old" when she was 50. Geez, I just realized that it has been 15 years since I was 50....honestly, it doesn't seem possible that this much time has passed in my life. It just boggles my mind.

If there is one piece of advice I would offer to younger women it is to appreciate that you are beautiful & vibrant at whatever age you are now. Don't worry about a few pounds or messed up hair & make-up. I look back at photos from 30, 20 or even 15 years ago & think, "Shit, I looked damn good!" But I never thought that or believed it at the time. I'm trying to keep the mindset that I will look back at current photos when I'm 80 & think, "Damn, I did look pretty good for an old broad!"

With all of my father's medical issues these past 10 years, his move last year up near us & all the stress I've been under dealing with his life, I've neglected my own health & well being. Fortunately, he is improving & is making headway to get back to where he was two years ago. He will always need my help & a live-in caregiver but hopefully it will be minimal compared to the past few years.

So, with all that in mind I've decided to make a Birthday Resolution (kind of like a New Year's Resolution but on my birthday). I resolve to put me first & take better care of myself this coming year. I resolve to eat better, exercise more, lose some weight & drink less wine (well.....maybe). And I also resolve to not beat myself up if I don't always do a great job of it. :-)

Traveling is still a passion that I share with Lou & our list of places to visit just keeps getting longer. In fact, he is taking me to East Brother Lighthouse Bed & Breakfast in the middle of San Francisco Bay (accessible only by boat) tomorrow night for my birthday. Part of the adventure is the climb up a vertical ladder 4 - 12 feet (depending on the tide) from a bobbing boat while carrying your overnight bag. Look for photos & a trip report soon on my Travels Near & Far blog: www.kat-silver.blogspot.com.

Finally, I read a quote a few years back that I printed, framed & hung on the wall right above my computer. It reads:

                        "Don't regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

I will do my best to embrace the remainder of my 60s & my 70s & my 80s & my 90s if I should be so lucky to reach them all. The wrinkles, jiggly skin & sagging boobs be damned! BRING IT ON!

HUSBAND SUPER STORE

Okay, I've been working on a blog post titled "The Minds of Men". It is being written with the utmost love in my heart for the men in my life as I try to make sense of the way they think. In all fairness, I decided that before I posted that story, I should give the men a little more insight into us women. 

This joke that I saved years ago sums it up pretty well. It always brings a chuckle to my lips each time I read it. Hey, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves if we are going to laugh at others, right? Here it goes.

HUSBAND SUPER STORE

Recently, a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to
choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with
the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD
to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go
back down except to leave the building, never to return. A couple of girlfriends 

went to the Super Store to find some husbands......

FIRST FLOOR

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job
or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

SECOND FLOOR
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But I wonder
what's further up?"

THIRD FLOOR
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women,
"Very Tempting." But there was yet another floor, so further up they went.

FOURTH FLOOR
This door had a sign saying, "These men have high paying jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a
strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what
must be awaiting us further on." So up to the fifth floor they went.

FIFTH FLOOR
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only
to prove that women are fucking impossible to please. The exit is to your
left."

A LITTLE HELP, LADIES!

Okay, ladies, I need some help here. Will someone please tell me how you shave your legs in the shower? I am a bath person – always have been & always will be. I love settling into a hot bath tub & relaxing into the soothing warmth. There is no way that I can ease into a steaming bath without a smile on my face & letting a satisfied “Ahhhhh” escape from my lips.

I literally only shower when there isn't a bath tub available. That was the case on our recent Caribbean cruise. If you've been on a cruise, you know that you have a really small shower & that's it, unless, of course, you can afford a suite which certainly isn't in our budget. The thing that I cannot figure out is how to easily shave my legs while standing up in the shower.

If I try to bend over to lather up & shave them, I get my hair wet. If it's not a hair wash day, I don't want to do that. More importantly I can't wear my glasses in the shower without them steaming up so I couldn't shave my legs anyway when I can't see what the hell I'm doing. If I try to lift a leg to lather up & shave, I run the risk of slipping or losing my balance which could be disastrous. This ship had a bar in the corner about a foot off the ground which I'm sure was there to rest your foot while shaving.

But I still have the problem of fogged up glasses or not being able to see what I'm doing if my glasses get wet. For these reasons, I tend to cut myself every time I try to shave my legs in the shower. With the water running down my body it can easily resemble that famous shower scene from the movie, Psycho.

It is so civilized to lay back in the tub, lift one leg a few inches out of the water, lather up, leisurely shave & then do the other. That is most definitely my favorite way to tend to the task of keeping my legs semi-smooth. Plus I can never stay warm once I turn off the shower even in tropical climates. It seems that the hot bath water permeates my whole body keeping me all toasty long after I've stepped out & dried off. In the shower I’m shaking & shivering before I can dry off.

Trying to be creative, I've put a towel on the floor, sat down & used the hand-held shower to shave & rinse, but that still isn't easy & looks pretty silly. I figured there must be a better way. As an alternative, I've tried putting my foot into the sink then using the faucet to rinse the razor & my leg. It sort of works but at 64 years old, this body isn't nearly as flexible as it once was (or maybe it never really was all that flexible) which makes it pretty tough.

On this cruise, I tried that one evening & almost couldn't get my foot out of the sink. I had to raise it a few inches higher to get it over the edge of the sink. After several minutes of being stretched while I shaved, my hip was NOT ready to move that leg higher still. Fortunately, I managed to grab my foot & tug on it enough to get it back down on the floor.

So, that brings me back to my first question. How in the world do you all do it? What am I missing when it comes to leg shaving in the shower? I know that the majority of women do it that way & I figure there must be a trick. Please, share with me what it is. I am awaiting your words of wisdom & expert tutelage. 

MOVIE NIGHT

What type of movies do you enjoy? I like movies that either make me feel good or make me think or make me laugh. And if it is too violent for children, it’s too violent for me. I don’t mind bad language or a little sex in movies but I’m not a fan of anything scary, dark or intense. I much prefer to watch a movie for a little fun escapism from daily life.

The other day I wondered what would be my top five favorite movies? I didn’t put any genres on them, new or old, comedy or drama. Just write down the first five that came to mind. Surprisingly, it was remarkably easy. I do apparently have five favorite flicks. Oddly enough, they are all over the spectrum. So, in no particular order here are my top five favorite movies of all time. What are yours?

1. Bridges of Madison County

I know, I know. This is a real chick flick but, oh, how I love this movie. To me, it was so thought provoking on so many levels depending on where I was in my life. The love story of Francesca & Robert over three days that lasted a lifetime is enthralling. When Lou & I visited Iowa, I HAD to see the real Bridges of Madison County…..and I wasn’t alone. Other women there were wandering around in awe & the men were thinking, “What the hell is this about?”

2. The Big Chill

Being a product of the 60s, this movie talks to me. I love all the quirky characters. I can’t imagine “loaning” my husband to one of my best friends to conceive a child for her. But the camaraderie of friends with a history is appealing & this movie has a fantastic soundtrack! My favorite scene is when they are all putting food away after dinner, clearing the table & loading the dishwasher while dancing around the kitchen to “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations.

3. Rainman

I’ve been a fan of Tom Cruise ever since he strutted & lip-synced to “Old Time Rock ‘n Roll” in his skivvies in Risky Business (although he has gotten a little weird lately). It was the offbeat storyline & the relationship that developed between autistic Charlie Babbit & his brother Raymond on a cross country trip that drew me into this feel good film.

4. Beverly Hills Cop

This has to be one of the best comedies in forever. It showcases the talents of Eddie Murphy perfectly! The supporting cast was wonderful, too – I loved Taggert & Rosewood. My son & I watched this movie many, many times. He had the entire thing memorized & would do every character flawlessly along with Axel Foley. The scene where Axel is getting the Beverly Hills Hotel clerk to give him a room is hysterical.

5. Sunset Boulevard

This old black & white film starring Gloria Swanson & William Holden is captivating. Who can forget the immortal line of fading silent movie star Norma Desmond saying, “I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille?” There are so many things that were ahead of its time – such as an older woman taking a younger lover. The over the top acting that was part of a bygone era really add to the overall effect of this classic.

A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON CHRISTMAS

Have you ever looked at a decorated Christmas tree, from underneath it, through the eyes of a three year old? Me, neither…until last week.

I arrived for my weekly Charley visit at their home near Auburn.  Due to a nasty cold that I did NOT want to pass on to anyone, I had missed the previous week’s visit. This was the first time I had seen their Christmas tree. As Charley & her mom greeted me at the door with hugs, I noticed the tree in the living room.

“Oh, wow!” I exclaimed, “There’s your Christmas tree!!”

“NO…NO…GAGA!!  STOP…NO!” Charley hollered at me holding out her arms to block my entrance into the room.

I immediately stopped, stepped back & said, “Okay, okay. What? What did I do?”

“Mommy, turn on the lights. Turn on the lights!” Charley didn’t want me to see the tree until the lights were on to get the full effect.

Mommy plugged in the lights & I was now free to gush over their beautifully decorated Christmas tree. Charley laid on her back & scooted under the tree which was about 15 inches above the floor. She then commanded me to join her, “Gaga, you do it, too. Lay down here.”

Gaga is usually game for most anything that Charley wants me to do although some things do require a little modification for Gaga’s limited flexibility & age limitations. J  But this was tame compared to some of Charley’s requests so I laid down on the ground & scooted up beside her under the tree.

You know what? It really was pretty cool looking up through the branches with the lights glowing & ornaments reflecting the lights. It was a totally new perspective on viewing a decorated tree that I had never experienced in my 64 years! And, I’ll be darned if my three year old granddaughter didn’t show it to me.

A couple weeks prior to that day I watched Charley at my dad’s house for several hours while her mom hosted a book party for her Barefoot Books business. Charley’s Auntie Masha is taking care of my dad (AKA Pop) & my sister, Karen (AKA Zizi), was coming to visit also. I had put up my dad’s little artificial tree & decorated it the day before but I saved the string of lights to put up around two walls of his house for everyone to help.

Charley helped me pull them from the box & untangle the strings. Auntie Masha was on the ladder draping them over the curtain rods & Zizi was on the back of the couch thumbtacking them to the wall. I looked over & Charley was also on the back of the couch holding the string for Zizi. What a great little helper!

The finished product was actually quite breathtaking. All of the lights & the tree were plugged into an extension cord in the outlet which is controlled by a wall switch. I showed Charley how to turn them all on & off with one flick of the switch…which she did many, many times. Now, it is her job to turn on Pop’s Christmas lights when she comes to visit.

Christmas through the eyes of a three year old is an enlightening experience. It has been more than 25 years since we’ve had a child to help us celebrate & it puts a whole new twist on the holiday. I love it!

SLEEPLESS IN SACRAMENTO

I can’t possibly be the only person with this problem, can I? It can be 10:30 PM, I’m watching a TV show that I really enjoy (Nashville, The Good Wife) & I’m falling asleep on the couch. I mean I literally can’t keep my eyes open. I go upstairs to bed, lay down & I am instantly wide awake. I don’t go to sleep for an hour or more. It’s crazy!

Or I know that I should get at least 7-8 hours sleep (even though I function perfectly well on 5-6 hours). So, I go to bed at 11:30 PM figuring I’ll get some good sleep since I’ve got a nasty cold right now only to still be wide awake at 1:00 AM. Damn it! That’s what happened tonight, which is exactly the reason that I am up writing this at nearly 1:30 AM.

Pretty much all of my adult life, I have had difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. Apparently my grandmother suffered from the same thing years ago & my sister sometimes has similar sleep issues. We comment that we sleep well about every third night. It even seems that my Charley Ellen doesn’t fall asleep quickly or easily. Guess it is something that runs in the family. It kind of makes you want to just slap those people who are asleep two minutes after their heads hit the pillow.

I know that once I had Darrin my sleep patterns changed dramatically. Prior to his birth, I think someone could have torn down the house around me & I’d have slept through it. Since then, my child turning over & sighing would wake me up! Once that nurturing gene kicks in I don’t think a woman gets many nights of sound sleep again. It doesn’t seem to matter that Darrin will be 39 in a few months & has been out of the house for 18+ years!

The sleeplessness really began to surface 24 years ago when my mother was dying of cancer, my dad was in denial of what was happening & my 14 year old son was losing his beloved grandmother. I was doing my damndest to hold it all together. My sleep diminished to barely a few hours a night. I would toss & turn. I would tell myself I needed to sleep if I was going to handle this. Yet I would lay awake night after night. After her death the wide awake nights continued. Finally I simply gave myself permission to lay awake all night if that is what I needed to do. It didn’t change the fact that I needed more sleep but it sure was a powerful path to acceptance.

Lou & I watched part of a two hour show on PBS the other night called “Sleepless in America”. It tried to find answers as to why much of America doesn’t get the required sleep necessary to function efficiently. There was one relatively quick point that pretty much explained my predicament. The narrator said that there are some people whose brains simply don’t turn off at night allowing them to get the sleep they need.

That is exactly my problem! Although I’m not too upset about it because I often come up with amazing ideas & perfect solutions to problems or issues at 3 AM. My brain just kicks into gear & starts whirling around with all kinds of thoughts. I’d say that maybe twice a year I will sleep through the entire night without awakening to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I can go back to sleep fairly quickly but many times I lay back down &, bam, the thoughts start coming fast & furious. Yep, my brain just doesn’t turn off at night!

This isn’t something new, it has happened to me for 20+ years that I’m aware of….& I’ve come to think of it as a blessing rather than a curse. You wouldn’t believe the things that pop into my head in the middle of the night. Solutions just seem to materialize out of nowhere. And consequently, I’ve solved a shit-load of problems with my overactive brain.

So, please, how many of you have similar middle of the night, can’t sleep issues? I know there are a few of you because I see Facebook posts at 3:17 AM. As much as I’d love to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night, that just ain’t in the cards for me. But I figure it’s served me pretty well so far. And now, here it is 1:54 AM.

Oh, well, there is an old Bon Jovi song titled, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”. Sounds like a plan!