SLEEPLESS IN SACRAMENTO

I can’t possibly be the only person with this problem, can I? It can be 10:30 PM, I’m watching a TV show that I really enjoy (Nashville, The Good Wife) & I’m falling asleep on the couch. I mean I literally can’t keep my eyes open. I go upstairs to bed, lay down & I am instantly wide awake. I don’t go to sleep for an hour or more. It’s crazy!

Or I know that I should get at least 7-8 hours sleep (even though I function perfectly well on 5-6 hours). So, I go to bed at 11:30 PM figuring I’ll get some good sleep since I’ve got a nasty cold right now only to still be wide awake at 1:00 AM. Damn it! That’s what happened tonight, which is exactly the reason that I am up writing this at nearly 1:30 AM.

Pretty much all of my adult life, I have had difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. Apparently my grandmother suffered from the same thing years ago & my sister sometimes has similar sleep issues. We comment that we sleep well about every third night. It even seems that my Charley Ellen doesn’t fall asleep quickly or easily. Guess it is something that runs in the family. It kind of makes you want to just slap those people who are asleep two minutes after their heads hit the pillow.

I know that once I had Darrin my sleep patterns changed dramatically. Prior to his birth, I think someone could have torn down the house around me & I’d have slept through it. Since then, my child turning over & sighing would wake me up! Once that nurturing gene kicks in I don’t think a woman gets many nights of sound sleep again. It doesn’t seem to matter that Darrin will be 39 in a few months & has been out of the house for 18+ years!

The sleeplessness really began to surface 24 years ago when my mother was dying of cancer, my dad was in denial of what was happening & my 14 year old son was losing his beloved grandmother. I was doing my damndest to hold it all together. My sleep diminished to barely a few hours a night. I would toss & turn. I would tell myself I needed to sleep if I was going to handle this. Yet I would lay awake night after night. After her death the wide awake nights continued. Finally I simply gave myself permission to lay awake all night if that is what I needed to do. It didn’t change the fact that I needed more sleep but it sure was a powerful path to acceptance.

Lou & I watched part of a two hour show on PBS the other night called “Sleepless in America”. It tried to find answers as to why much of America doesn’t get the required sleep necessary to function efficiently. There was one relatively quick point that pretty much explained my predicament. The narrator said that there are some people whose brains simply don’t turn off at night allowing them to get the sleep they need.

That is exactly my problem! Although I’m not too upset about it because I often come up with amazing ideas & perfect solutions to problems or issues at 3 AM. My brain just kicks into gear & starts whirling around with all kinds of thoughts. I’d say that maybe twice a year I will sleep through the entire night without awakening to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I can go back to sleep fairly quickly but many times I lay back down &, bam, the thoughts start coming fast & furious. Yep, my brain just doesn’t turn off at night!

This isn’t something new, it has happened to me for 20+ years that I’m aware of….& I’ve come to think of it as a blessing rather than a curse. You wouldn’t believe the things that pop into my head in the middle of the night. Solutions just seem to materialize out of nowhere. And consequently, I’ve solved a shit-load of problems with my overactive brain.

So, please, how many of you have similar middle of the night, can’t sleep issues? I know there are a few of you because I see Facebook posts at 3:17 AM. As much as I’d love to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night, that just ain’t in the cards for me. But I figure it’s served me pretty well so far. And now, here it is 1:54 AM.

Oh, well, there is an old Bon Jovi song titled, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”. Sounds like a plan!