DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

Feel free to substitute a word that begins with "F" & ends with "K" in the title if you are like me & can't stand big ass spiders!

The low tire pressure light came on in my car yesterday. It's a great invention but then you know the tires are low & have to deal with it immediately. I hate trying to use those stupid machines at a gas station to fill the tires. I can never get the hose to stay out so you try to stand on it leaving enough room to maneuver the end onto the stem. Then you must check it with a tire gauge since the ones on the air hose never work - or so I'm told.

Once you've wrestled the air hose into submission, lost a cap or two under the car & have fingers that resemble those of your mechanic with all the road dirt & grease, if you are lucky, you have properly inflated tires. Since it seems to be such an ordeal for me, I usually choose to do it at home. We have a electric tire inflater that at least makes all of the above issues a bit more manageable. Plus you aren't under the gun because the damn machine will turn off in three minutes.

Okay, that's the set up - I go out to the garage this morning to check all the tires & sure enough a couple are several pounds low. As I stand up from my left rear tire, I come face to face with a Black Widow spider! She was about 1-1/2 inches long, shiny black with a bright red spot & sitting in a web in the corner of the garage. "Damn it!", I yelled (among other things) as I jumped backward into my car.

With my heart pounding I took a minute to figure out how to kill it. For the record I HATE killing spiders but I hate live ones roaming my house & garage more. And also for the record, I do believe that men should have to kill the spiders. But my man was out volunteering at the Railroad Museum today so I was on my own.

I found the bug spray & sprayed the shit out of that nasty thing. It barely moved so I figured it must be dying. I took the shovel to scoop it out of the web & take it out front, far away from me. The damn thing started running all over. I tried in vain to smash it with the shovel but other tools & things prevented me from getting a direct hit. Of course, I am swearing a blue streak that would rival any longshoreman. Finally I stunned it enough to where I could get it on the end of the shovel - I held the extreme end of the handle - & took it out to the front lawn.

When I set it down, it gained it's second wind & started running all over again. Now, I had a clear shot & smashed it about ten times with the shovel. Finally it looked like it was immobilized. And it was at least 8 - 10 feet from where I was working on my tires. I glanced around to make sure that no one was looking. They'd have thought I was a crazy woman for sure.

My next order of business was to calm down & let my heart rate return to some semblance of normal - it must have been beating 200 times a minute. Damn, damn, damn, I hate spiders! It is now half an hour later, my tires are at the recommended pressure, there is one less Black Widow living in the garage & my body is just about back to its normal functioning.

I have heard that hair spray will immobilize a spider so you can kill it but I didn't think of that in the heat of the moment. I just wanted poison & something hard & long to hit it with. Still not sure why in the overall scheme of things a pretty tiny spider can instill such fear in a full grown woman - but from my conversations with friends, male & female, I know I am not alone!