I lost someone very special
to me last week, my mother-in-law equivalent, Bruni, who passed away on
December 2, 2016. I miss her dearly.
Brunhilde Gabriela Padgug
had been married to Lou’s dad for almost 35 years. Over the 15+ years that Lou
& I have been together, Bruni & I developed a close, loving friendship.
Many, many years ago we started referring to each other as “daughter-in-law”
& “mother-in-law” even though Lou & I never legally married. Since I
often say that Lou & I are “married in our hearts”, it dawned on me one day
to suggest to Bruni that she could be my “mother-in-love”. She smiled broadly
& said, “I like that!”
Bruni was 89 years old. She
had a myriad of health issues & was a two time breast cancer survivor. The
past few months she had been in terrible pain which was ultimately diagnosed as
lung cancer. The transport company was scheduled to bring her home to begin
hospice care last Friday at 4 PM. At 1:40 PM, I got the call from Lou that
Bruni had died at the nursing home. I had just said good-bye to Charley &
was driving back from the Bay Area to be there when Bruni arrived home.
I don’t want this post to be
about the details of her death but rather about celebrating her life & our
relationship. She was always loving & caring toward me BUT Bruni was never afraid
to speak her mind which I admired greatly about her. Bruni grew up in Germany during World War II before immigrating
to America
Five years ago Bruni
suffered a terrible fall that shattered her elbow & broke her hip. It took
eight months in the ICU, hospital, nursing home & a board & care to get
Bruni well enough to come home. Her accident occurred less than a week after
the birth of my Charley Ellen. During her time in the board & care home, I
made a point of visiting her weekly – just the two of us. That is where our
relationship really bloomed, moving to an even deeper level. Bruni & I
shared hours & hours of “girl talk” that will remain strictly between us.
As awful as that time was for Bruni & all of us something beautiful came
out of it – I gained a true friend & a genuine mother-in-law. I know that
Bruni felt the same way about me.
We continued our private
chats these past years when “my Lou” took “her Lou” to doctor appointments.
Both Lou & his dad share the same name but my Lou is not a junior since
they have different middle names. Lou’s family calls him “Louis” but I’ve
always preferred calling him Lou like all of his friends & acquaintances.
Bruni & I came up with the “my Lou” & “your Lou” to differentiate between our
two guys.
Bruni didn’t have any
biological children but loved her adult stepchildren as her own. She always
asked me about my Charley & took great delight in hearing my stories or
seeing the latest photos of a proud grandma. When Bruni was in the board &
care, Charley’s mother & I brought four month old Charley to meet Bruni.
Upon seeing her, Bruni exclaimed, "What a tiny baby! Can I hold her?”
Bruni’s face lit up as she smiled down at our little sweetheart in her arms.
We shared many meaningful
discussions regarding end of life among other things over the past month. The
last time I talked to Bruni was in the nursing home less than 48 hours before
she died. The entire family met in her room with a hospice nurse to gather
information & learn about the program. When I took her hand & bent down
to kiss her good-bye she squeezed my hand tightly & pulled me to her. She
whispered something in my ear that was typical Bruni & brought a huge smile
to my face. In a room full of people Bruni shared something intimate &
personal with me – which will remain just between us. We both smiled broadly
& I said, “I love you” to which she replied “I love you, too.” Those were
the last words we spoke to each other.
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