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A guy walks into a bar &
says to the bartender, "Hey, give me a bubble dourbon." "A
what?" asks the bartender. "A bubble dourbon" replies the guy.
"Oh, you mean a double bourbon", says the bartender. "That's
what I said, a bubble dourbon," answers the guy.
Making small talk the
bartender asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Collar
Denverado," replies the man. "Where," queries the bartender.
"Collar Denverado," repeats the man. "Oh, you mean Denver , Colorado
"What brings you
here?" the bartender asks. "I'm here for the shurkey toot," the
guy answers. "The what?" says the bartender. "The shurkey
toot," says the guy again. "Oh, you're here for the turkey shoot,"
the bartender exclaims. "That's what I said, the shurkey toot," the
man replied.
About this time there is
shift change & a new bartender comes on duty. The off duty bartender walks
down to the new bartender & says, "If you get a chance, go talk to
that guy at the end of the bar. It will shickle the tit out of you!"
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Two guys are in court before
the judge. One is beat all to hell with bandages, bruises & black eyes. The
other doesn't have a scratch on him. The judge asks the beat up guy what
happened & he replies, "I was just walking along minding my own
business & this guy jumps out of the bushes & beats the shit out of me!"
The judge asks the guy
without a scratch for his version of what happened. "Your honor, I was
walking in the park & met this woman who asked if I was looking for some
fun. I replied that I was & asked how much "fun" cost. She told
me it was $2.50 an inch. I told her I'd take $7.50 worth of fun. So, we are in
the bushes having some "fun" when this guy comes along, steps on my
ass & pushes my bill up to $15.50!"
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A man, a genie & a one
foot tall piano player walk into a bar. Seeing the odd trio, the bartender
strikes up a conversation. The man says, "This genie grants wishes. I
suppose I could let him grant you one wish. What will it be?"
The bartender thinks for a
minute, then says, "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a million
ducks are flying all over the room knocking things over & wreaking havoc.
"What the hell?" the bartender asks. The man replies, "I forgot
to mention the genie is a little hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked
for a twelve inch pianist?"
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Telling these jokes,
particularly the first one, requires just enough alcohol to be able to get into
telling it but not too much too screw it up. Usually, I can still tell them
with enough flair to get a laugh or two. Please feel free to share your
favorite dirty jokes with me! I'd love to add a few more to my repertoire.
