It has now been over six months since we have been quarantining, locked down, sheltering in place OR whatever it is currently being called. Fortunately, some of the restrictions are being lifted and we are becoming used to the ever present face mask when leaving our house or car, the constant hand sanitizing and "social distancing". I wish they would have called it "physical distancing" so we could still feel that we were being social with other humans just doing it six feet apart.
My intentions were to do lots of writing and lots of blog posts but somehow laying on the couch watching Netflix or reading numerous books became far more time consuming than I intended. Tonight, after watching the 49ers win, the Giants lose (and be eliminated from the baseball playoffs) as well as a NASCAR race, I decided to make myself sit down here and start writing.
There are a bunch of things I want to comment on about these past months of dealing with unprecedented upheaval in our country - the Covid 19 pandemic, the racial unrest and the current political fiasco - BUT that can wait, first, there is something more important that I want to share and offer some unsolicited but essential advice.
Last month Lou's sister, Judy, passed away after 40 days in the hospital, most of them in the ICU on a ventilator. Judy was 70 years old and had been in poor health for years with many serious medical conditions. Back in the middle of July she was admitted to the ER with difficulty breathing. A test showed she had the Covid 19 virus. Judy rarely left her house. A person who cared for her dogs and helped her around the house also tested positive and likely infected Judy. He has since recovered.
No one could visit Judy during her time in the ICU. When the decision was finally made to stop attempting treatment and "let her go peacefully" Lou was finally able to receive special permission to visit. He called his father and sister then held the phone up to Judy's ear so they could talk to her. She was unresponsive but he was able to sit with her, hold her hand and talk to her during the final hours of her life.
My first piece of advice is take this seriously and be very careful who you let into your inner circle of friends and family. Secondly, every single one of us - old, young, healthy or sick - EVERYONE, needs to make preparations in case the worse happens. I know it is not something any of us want to consider but, please, if you cherish your spouse, children, parents, siblings and friends, suck it up and get your affairs in order.
If you have a large or
complicated estate, pay an attorney to set up a trust for you. This is the best
way to avoid probate. Discuss it with your heirs and anyone who will be
involved. In my case I don't have a lot but what I have goes to my only
son and granddaughter. In
Check your savings accounts and brokerage accounts to determine if they offer a "Transfer on Death" clause. This allows you to designate a beneficiary who will automatically receive these funds upon your death without going through probate.
Decide who you want to be your "executor" (this can just be a verbal agreement) and make sure they are totally informed as to your wishes regarding life support, cremation or burial. Put all of this in writing. Most hospitals have an "Advance Directive" form you can fill out with all your healthcare wishes. You can indicate your wishes and designate a person to make decisions for you if you can't. Make sure this is on file with the hospital prior to any surgeries.
A Power of Attorney is extremely important. While Lou's sister was alive in the hospital and unable to make decisions, Lou, his sister and their dad's hands were tied since there was no Power of Attorney or Advance Directive.
Choose your executor (in my case it is my son) and make sure they have copies of everything - your will, your Advance Directive, your Power of Attorney, your financial information including online user names and passwords for all accounts - also make copies for your own files and clearly mark them.
Most of us use email or Facebook to communicate now days so give your executor a list of email friends who you want contacted if you are incapacitated or worse. Anything that you deem pertinent should be discussed and written out for your executor.
It is easy to say, I'm fine, I'm careful and put this off. Please, don't. I have seen the nightmare that Lou, his sister and their 96 year old father have gone through trying to figure all of this out when nothing was written down or easy to figure out. It took a lot of people helping to piece things together and hours of searching through boxes and boxes of papers for the past month to sort of get a handle of what has to be done. They haven't even had a chance to grieve their sister and daughter because they have been so preoccupied trying to determine everything that needs to be done.
My goal here is to get everyone thinking about preparing for the end of your life and to make it as easy as possible for your loved ones to sort it all out. After all, as much as we'd like to believe we may be the exception, no one makes it out of this life alive. If you want more information go to Amazon and search for "end of life planners", a ton of books and guides come up.
Wear the damn mask, wash your hands and stay away from crowds.
And, please, please vote in November! We need some sanity back in our lives.
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