LOU'S DAD

Lou's dad, Louis Jacob Padgug, passed away early last Wednesday morning, October 27, 2021, after being in hospice care at home since August. He spent a little over 97 years on this earth. His only son, Louis John Padgug, was at his side holding his hand as he left this world.

The last Father's Day, June 2021, for father and son.

First, let me sing the praises of my partner of 20+ years. Lou stepped up managing his dad's care along with relieving caregivers and doing all the hands on care necessary for someone in the final months of their life. Remember this is a man who, having no children, never changed a diaper or sat up half the night with a sick kid. Yet he walked right into the trenches, learned what he needed to do and helped his father in every way. His strength and capable determination was commendable. I couldn't be prouder of his effort to make his dad's last weeks the best they could be. 

Lou was the only "father-in-law" I have ever known. My ex-husband's father passed away when he was a teenager. The family always referred to Lou's dad as "Lou" and my Lou as "Louis". My Lou was always just Lou to me and his dad went by Lou, also. Bruni and I spoke of "my Lou" and "your Lou" when we spent time together since they weren't junior and senior with different middle names. For the purpose of clarity, I'll say "Lou" for his dad and "my Lou" for, well, my Lou.

Being that my Lou was Lou's only son, it was always apparent that he adored his youngest child and my Lou was the light of his life. The feeling was mutual. There was a special bond between father and son that was obvious. As the years passed and Lou's condition began to worsen, my Lou provided more assistance to his father in all aspects of his life. 

Lou was a kind, caring and generous man. He led a long, varied life that was free from health issues for the most part. His ability to walk worsened over the years probably partially due to spinal stenosis but there was never a definitive diagnosis in spite of countless doctor visits.

For years, one of Lou's consistent replies to the question, "How are you?", was "As well as can be expected." A few weeks ago, I walked to his bedside and asked how he was doing expecting the usual reply when he surprised me by answering, "Pretty shitty." It brought a smile to my face.

Speaking of smiles, during Lou's last few months, he always had a genuine smile for those of us who stopped by to visit. We had numerous talks about mortality and eternity during his decline and I was grateful to share that with my father-in-law. I always felt his love and affection during my time with his son.

One day maybe a couple weeks prior to his passing, I was already over at Lou's house to confer with the hospice nurse when my Lou arrived. My Lou was wearing a t-shirt that I had no idea he owned or when he bought it. The shirt read:

"Son of a World War II Veteran. 

Most people never meet their heroes. 

I was raised by mine." 

We were all fighting back tears as my Lou read it to his dad and said, "You are my hero."

I am so thankful that my Lou was there with him at the end, sitting at his bedside, holding his hand as he passed from this world to the next. It's all any parent can ask for. Rest in peace, Lou. You will be greatly missed.

SOAPBOX TIME AGAIN

Every now and then I feel the need to hop up on my soapbox and get my two cents worth in. Well, now that I am 71, I don't hop anymore but rather carefully step up using the handrails. 

First of all, I am NOT a vaccine person. No, I am not an "anti-vaxxer". I've just never thought that routine vaccinations were a big deal.  Then my baby son had a bad reaction with a high fever to the first DPT vaccine. It was awful and they eliminated the "P" (pertussis) from the second dose that often caused the problems. He was okay but I was turned off. 

Flu shots are often ineffective. They guess as to which strains of influenza will be prevalent in the next year when they are formulating the vaccine. Being pretty healthy I've had one flu shot in the past 40 plus years. And, knock on wood, the last time I had the flu Darrin was six years old.....39 years ago. Being a pretty healthy person, I've never had a pneumonia or shingles vaccine. It's just not in my make up to run out and fill my body with all these things.

BUT....this one is different.......REALLY DIFFERENT! 

At first I was reluctant when they were rushing the covid vaccines into trials. Given my tendency to avoid vaccines, I needed to be convinced. But I trust Dr. Fauci and the other experts. Having lost two sister-in-laws to this horrible virus, I read everything I could find. In a very short time I decided that the way vaccines are made now, it was safe. They have been working on various covid vaccines for 6 or 7 years knowing that this was going to happen. Vaccines for the current strain, Covid-19, just needed to be plugged in and trials hurried along. I was totally onboard AND it was worth any minimal risk to protect myself and the rest of the people in our world. 

I want to encourage everyone to please, please, please get the covid vaccinations. That is the way that we will get our country and the world on the way back to "normal". The experts say that vaccinating 70 - 80% of the population will create a "herd immunity" for Covid-19. As I looked up facts to verify those numbers I discovered that herd immunity for measles was 95% but for polio it was only 70%.

Back when I was maybe ten years old, I recall going to the local junior high school for the Sabin polio vaccine. It was dropped onto a sugar cube and put in one of those tiny paper cups about one inch across. We all filed by the table and were handed our sugar cube in the cup. My dad dumped it into his other hand and as he was popping it into his mouth, the attendant about had a fit shouting, "Don't touch it! You aren't supposed touch it!" It was already in my dad's mouth and he never contracted polio so I guess it was okay.

I don't know if it was required or if it was just recommended or what. Being a kid I don't recall how we knew or what records were kept of who took the vaccine. I did know that polio was a terrible disease. According to the Mayo Clinic website, "Polio is a contagious viral illness that in its most severe form causes nerve injury leading to paralysis, difficulty breathing and sometimes death." The CDC website states that in the 1940s, 35,000 people a year were afflicted with polio. That is a drop in the bucket compared to Covid-19.

I bring all of this up to encourage everyone living in the U.S., and the world, to please get the covid vaccine. The polio number of 70% vaccinations have eradicated polio in our country. If we can get 70 or 80 or 90% of citizens vaccinated, we can kick this virus's ass. This is not political, this is not a hoax, this is not a conspiracy. This is real....and real science and real medicine can protect us. 

After more than a year of isolation, mask wearing, social distancing and fear, the feeling of finally getting that first vaccination was exhilarating and liberating. I felt I was helping myself and my granddaughter and every other citizen of the world by doing my part to put this horrendous virus into the history books. The fight continues and the fight is real.

I implore you to please get the facts, read all the information then step up and do the right thing by getting vaccinated. I love meeting with friends and saying, "I am fully vaccinated!" and hearing their replies, "I am, too!”

HOT, HOT, HOT!

Goofy things seem to happen to me sometimes. I'm one of those people who have this uncanny ability to attract bizarre events on occasion. As I've aged those episodes seem to have subsided somewhat but every now and then one of them crops up to let me know just how crazy little things in my life can be.

Maybe I come by it naturally since my dad has had a few of them, too, and he sometimes shared them with me. For example, here is one he shared many years ago. He used a tube of Brylcreem on his hair. Why anyone would take squeaky clean, damp hair and put sticky goop in it every day is beyond me but he did. One day he related the story that he accidentally picked up the Brylcreem instead of his toothpaste, put it on his brush and began to clean his teeth. A few seconds later he realized he was brushing his teeth with hair cream and it took him hours to get the taste out of his mouth.

I wondered why he would tell anyone about this faux pas but here I am about to relate one of mine tonight. Must run in the family. I have an arsenal of creams and topical medications that supposedly relieve arthritis and neuropathy that I've purchased over the years. Nothing seems to help a lot but I continue to try various remedies in the hopes that they will lessen the pain of these two afflictions.

I have a roll on applicator of liquid capzasin, a topical analgesic derived from pepper that is supposed to relieve the pain of arthritis. The other night one of the fingers on my right hand that was injured 15 years ago was bothering me a fair amount. I decided to rub some capzasin into that finger. After liberally slathering it onto my right finger, I used my left hand to rub it in thoroughly. Initially the only relief I felt was minimal as it is with any of these treatments.

Shortly thereafter, not thinking, I rubbed my left hand along my upper lip to wipe off my mouth. Then I scratched my nose with my right hand. Within about thirty seconds my mouth began to burn like hell followed quickly by my nose. "Damn, that hurts", was the first thought that went through my mind. I immediately headed to the bathroom using a wet wash cloth to wash off my mouth and nose. It didn't help.....at all.

The burning and pain was not going away but seemed to be intensifying. I quickly searched "how to stop the burning of capzasin" on my computer. The primary antidote was to dab on a mixture of vinegar and water to ease the effects of capzasin. I semi-ran to the kitchen to see if we had any vinegar. I knew where it would be and, finally, behind the olive oil, honey and other spices, located an old bottle of red wine vinegar. Hallelujah!

I diluted it with some water as Google suggested then used a paper towel to dab it all over my mouth and nose. I was feeling a bit of relief in a really short time. You gotta love the internet! Thank God that whatever you need can usually be found there with little effort. Within minutes there was only a minor feeling of tingling pain that was certainly bearable compared to what it was twenty minutes prior.

Even though I enjoyed the relief of NOT having a painful, burning mouth and nose, I was scared to death of touching my face or heaven forbid, my eyes. I washed my hands with soap twice but was not taking the chance of experiencing that pain yet again. I was back to day one of covid protocols - don't touch your face!

Why did I share this with you? I have no idea. Maybe it is some sort of genetic defect that I share with my father in telling others stupid things that we have done to ourselves. Maybe there is some sort of human failing that we feel the need to express to friends and family. Or maybe there just isn't a rational explanation.

And remember, if for some crazy ass reason your mouth, face, nose or anything is burning from capzasin, pepper, chilis or whatever, grab some vinegar, it helps......and for god's sake, don't touch your lips or eyes! By the way, my finger was only minimally improved with the capzasin. But now, a few days later, it's back to feeling okay. I should have left well enough alone but I learned another home remedy. And I bought a new bottle of vinegar to keep handy.

ODDS AND ENDS

Isn't "Normal" Weird?

After over a year of lockdowns, quarantines, face masks and social distancing, it seems a little weird to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel - and realize it isn't a train. It's the beginnings of "normal".

Last week we went out to dinner and actually ate inside the 25% capacity restaurant! To be honest it felt kind of strange, almost like I didn't know exactly what to do. Unfortunately, I think the servers didn't either. The service was lousy, the food was average at best and the price had gone up quite a bit. Hmmm, was restaurant eating overrated?

We are beginning to make some travel plans. I've flown to Albuquerque several times this past year to visit Darrin and Charley but leisure travel was definitely off limits. We have rebooked our Alabama and Georgia trip around a Giants/Braves game the end of August.  Lou and I will celebrate twenty years together this June with a Palm Springs getaway. And we have Pool Parties galore planned with Darrin and Charley this summer since they can now travel freely as well - with all the protocols in place, of course.

Everyone in my circle of friends and family are fully vaccinated or on their way. There is an odd sense of relief after that first shot and a feeling of triumph after the second - I've done my part! Yes, I will continue to follow the CDC guidelines for the most part. It seems that "normal" can actually be on the horizon. But it still feels just a little weird to really believe it. My guess is that it will take some getting used to as the months go on.

Sneezing Fits

I have this strange affliction that my dad had and I think my sister and my son also have occasionally experienced as well. We have what I call sneezing fits. I don't just sneeze once or twice like most people, I suddenly start sneezing two, three, four, five or more times - sometimes I lose count around seven or eight sneezes.

It doesn't really have anything to do with allergies or illnesses, it's just a sneezing fit. I can be sitting in the house reading the paper or driving to the store and it comes on suddenly. When it is over I go right back to what I was doing and I'm fine. Lou and my close friends or family members have learned not to say "bless you" every time I sneeze. It used to be I sneeze, bless you, sneeze again, bless you, sneeze again, bless you, etc., etc., etc. I have convinced them that one "bless you" will cover all of them.

Just curious. Does anyone else have these sneezing fits that go on and on?

 

Delightful Old Lady

Since I am now in my seventies, I have decided that I want to be a delightful old lady when I grow up. The kind who doesn't constantly complain about her maladies, what she can't do anymore or how much everything costs now days. With that in mind, please disregard my above comment about how much it now costs to eat out. I am still a work in progress.

I may not be able to scale mountains or look pretty damn good in a bikini anymore, but seventy-one years of living have given me a ton of compassion and lots of insights into life. My brother-in-law's family had a couple of delightful old ladies who are long passed now but they would enter the room like a whirlwind, smiling, laughing and ready for a glass or wine with rousing conversation - slightly flamboyant and full of life. That's who I want to be.

Sure, we all have aches and pains. We all have things we wish we had done differently but if we've made it to our twilight years then we must have been doing something right. Sure, it can be a royal pain in the ass to grow old but we can decide to welcome it - forget about the bad and embrace the good. It really is all our choice.

I found this quote from the now 71 year old actor, Richard Gere, that sums it up pretty well:

"I am old but I am forever young at heart. We are always the same age inside. Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, you can only live it once. Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many."

THREE DECADES AGO

I'm sitting here staring at the shelves above my computer displaying several things of significance in my life. There are numerous photos....me and Lou on a cruise; Darrin in his pilot outfit; Charley snuggling with me, Darrin and Lou as a 3 year old; Lou leaning against the gates at Graceland; and, four generations (my dad, me, Darrin and Charley) in our Warriors shirts.

Also displayed on my shelves are my "Utah Rocks" mug from my Mother's Day trip to the National Parks in Southern Utah with Darrin; my thesaurus and dictionary (well used from my writings); a fog globe (like a snow globe) giveaway from a Giants game; various special wine bottles along with a sign that reads "Wine improves with age, the older I get the more I like it" and my words of wisdom frame that says "At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening." When I find a particularly meaningful saying I change the frame. This one has been there for several years now.

And there is one other thing. There is a small white coffee mug with purple flowers on it that says "Daughters are Special People". I don't recall the occasion but it was given to me by my mother. My mother was not sentimental and wasn't one to give emotional gifts. March 1st marked the 30th anniversary of the day she died. Somehow that mug has been in the same spot on my shelf for the 18+ years I've lived here with Lou.

I can go weeks, even months without noticing it but lately I've been thinking about it a lot. To be honest I'm not sure what it is that I am thinking when I look at that mug and read the words. Maybe it is just that I wish things had been different with my mother and me. We were never close and I've often told friends that I learned what NOT to do from her when I became a mother. Growing up she wasn't there for me like I needed. As an adult, I know that my mother did the best she could with what she knew. She had some bad things in her life that she said she would tell me sometime but she never did. 

I was 40 when she passed away from breast cancer. After a month long hospital stay she was transferred to a skilled nursing facility. I'm convinced she had other medical problems, too. She was unable to communicate or really interact with any of us. That first evening at the SNF we were all with her. Half an hour after returning home my dad called to tell us they had called and my mom was gone. I believe that for whatever reason she waited until we had all left before dying.

My father seemed to think that she was going to get better and took her death really hard. I knew for months she wasn't going to recover from this and my 14 year old son had lost his cherished grandma. Fortunately, she had discovered the "magic of grandmotherhood" that I now understand and was a wonderful influence in his life. Sometimes reconciling my experience with Darrin's seems like night and day but she was a great grandma. 

None of this is terribly emotional for me (which is odd since I am a very emotional person). When I contemplate these past 30 years without her I'm not really sure what it is that I'm contemplating and I doubt that I ever will. There are a lot of good memories mixed in with the not so good ones.

Sometimes when I see that "Daughters are Special People" mug, I smile and sometimes I don't. I do wonder if it would have been different if she hadn't died when I was 40. I wonder if we would have talked more about some of the real life things as time went on. Most of our discussions were of a superficial nature although the last decade when we were both mothers did give me a glimpse of what might have been if she'd have lived longer. I just looked up at my mug again and the thought struck me that I am now ten years older than my mother was when she died. In this life I'll never know what might have been.

The one thing I do believe with all my heart is that someday I will know. I believe when we die and move into the next realm much is made clear to us. In some form we will be reunited with people from our past. I realize that this post is all over the place and if you're not sure what it is that I'm trying to say, don't worry, I'm not either. I just wanted to share my thoughts as I gaze at the mug my mother gave me over 30 years ago....thanks, Mom.

INGE

I've been trying to write this for days but I honestly don't know where to begin or what to say. So, I'm just going to send what I've got even though it doesn't do justice to this beautiful, amazing woman. Lou's oldest sister, and one of my best friends, Inge, died on January 27th from Covid-19. This is Lou's second sister to succumb to this horrible disease in the past six months. Inge had some health issues but nothing life threatening when she went to the hospital where she likely caught the virus. It has been a nightmare of a year to say the least. 

This post is not intended to be a recounting of Inge's death but rather a positive, uplifting recounting of her life and our friendship. Lou and I have been together almost twenty years. Inge and her husband, Ron, lived out of state when I first came into their family picture. Awhile later, I spoke to her on the phone and we clicked instantly. You know how certain people just seem to connect on some higher level? Well, Inge and I had that from our first phone conversation.

We met in person a couple years later at a family gathering at our house. I was meeting Inge, Ron and Lou's two aunts from Southern California for the first time to celebrate Lou's dad's birthday. My job was to happily play hostess for our group of ten relatives. I enjoy dinner parties as long as I am prepared and prefer to do pretty much everything myself. I had two lasagnas in the oven (one meat and one veggie), the salad was made and I had declined any offers of help telling them all to visit with the "birthday boy".

As I slid one of the foil pans of lasagna from the oven, the damn thing flipped over onto the open oven door! Me being me, I loudly exclaimed, "Fuck!" The conversation in the living room stopped and I heard Inge immediately holler, "We didn't hear anything. But can I help you with something?" Fortunately, we scraped most of it off the oven door and back into the pan. It didn't look quite as attractive but still tasted okay. And Lou's family had their first in person impression of his girlfriend. Luckily they still seemed to like me and I became close friends with a few of them.

My other favorite story regarding Inge was many years later. Inge and Ron had moved back to California and were living in Lodi (about an hour away). Ron was doing an overnight sleep test through the VA in Sacramento. After dropping him off Inge spent the night at our house. She and I were enjoying a bottle of wine since neither of us had to drive. It turns out that we both watched American Idol and this was the year (2009) that Adam Lambert was on the show. I loved Adam Lambert and it turns out that Inge did, too.

He gave a stunning performance! We looked at each other and said, "We have to vote for him!" I don't think I'd ever voted on any of those shows before - or since. This was back in the days before you could vote via text. You had to call or vote online. We raced into our office and I sat down at my computer. Lou was at his computer across the room. Inge, being the big sister, told him to get up, she needed his computer to vote for Adam! Although I'm sure he thought we were a bit crazy, he relinquished his seat. After voting as many times as was allowed we both went back to our wine and the TV. Adam Lambert didn't win that year but it sure as hell wasn't our fault. 

Inge and Ron spent a few years in Montana with Ron's family before moving back to Stockton about 6 or 7 years ago. These past years she and I became even closer friends. We talked on the phone every week or two - often for an hour or more each time. We met for regular lunches which were a wonderful outlet for both of us to vent, whine, bitch - all those things that girlfriends are want to do. We always knew we could count on each other. 

Ron suffered from Lewy body dementia and Inge was such a trooper taking care of him the last couple years of his life. I was so thankful I could be there to listen and help when I could. I attended some of the meetings with her regarding Ron's condition and treatment. She could be a real pit bull when the situation warranted it.

A couple years prior to my hip replacement surgery, Inge went through the same operation. She chose to have the surgery at Stanford. I drove to Stockton, then drove her car (about 150 miles each way) with them to the hospital for all the preliminary appointments - and to babysit Ron since his condition was beginning to worsen. It was an all day ordeal but I was so grateful I could do that for her. I was honored that she asked for my help. Her surgery was a success and it was a prelude to what I would personally experience a few years later.

Ron passed away last April and although we had to curtail our in person lunches due to Covid-19, our phone calls increased this past year. I was looking forward to walking with her on the weekends she stayed with her dad but our first attempt was cancelled due to her hospitalization. I can't believe that my friend is no longer with us. I miss her tremendously and can't imagine life without her.