EVOLUTION OF THE CLICKER

The other night as we were watching the Giants game, Lou had the TV/satellite remote in his hand. He wasn’t changing the channel or looking through the guide, just watching the ball game. There seems to be some sort of innate power that is gained from having control of the clicker! Often times in our household, the remote is placed on the center couch cushion between us. That way it is available to either of us if we want to see what’s on later or flick to another show during a commercial.

It started me thinking about the almighty remote control. I grew up in an era when you had to physically get up out of your chair, walk over to the black & white TV & turn the dial to change the station. There were only a few channels available for our viewing pleasure which made it pretty simple.

Now, there are literally hundreds of stations at our disposal. Bruce Springsteen wrote a song years ago with the title, “57 Channels & Nothin’ On”. Now, that line is obsolete since even the basic cable package contains more than 57 choices, but the sentiment still rings true. How many times have you flicked through double or triple that number of stations & been unable to find anything to watch? 

I enjoy the remote control device as much as the next person but why is it that most men get a hold of that thing & simply click through every single one of the channels pausing for maybe two seconds on each station before moving on? My father is the worst at that & it drives me crazy! I think the only reason cable or satellite companies give us 200 stations is so that the channel surfers won’t get bored.

I recall visiting my then in-laws back in the early 1970s. They were proud as punch of their new remote control device for their TV. It had three rectangular buttons on it, that’s all – just three. One turned it on & off. The second controlled the volume & the third changed the channels. You had to scroll through the channels & if you missed what you wanted to watch, you had to go through them again. Of course, we only had about 6 or 8 channels at most so it didn’t take long. Same with the volume – it just got louder & louder until it started over really softly.

I can remember thinking, “How ridiculous! They can’t even get up off their butts to change the channel on the TV?” It didn’t make a bit of sense to me how people could be so lazy that they couldn’t walk a few steps to turn the channel. I can only imagine the confused stares you would get from kids today if you related stories of TVs without remotes.

Our first VCR (about 25 – 30 years ago) had a remote with a long cord that attached it to the device. You could sit on the couch & control the machine but had to be careful not to trip anyone walking across the room. The thing was the size of a suitcase & weighed about 20 pounds. Today’s DVD players are tiny by comparison. And we even have DVRs now that don’t use a tape or a disc. I’m just now learning about “downloading” & “streaming” things to our TV or even my smart phone! I’m pretty sure it is all done with smoke & mirrors.

When I play my yoga DVDs on the TV it requires THREE different remotes to control the BluRay player, change the input & adjust the TV settings. Our remote caddy has six of the little devices lined up in it – SIX! Each remote has an average of 55 buttons (I just counted them J). Gone are the days when remotes had three push buttons. Who knew you would need an electronics degree to operate your home entertainment system in the 21^st century!

I can sort of keep up with the new technology but I feel sorry for my 85 year old father. I have spent countless hours trying to teach him to use the remote. His cable system requires him to punch in three numbers to get his HD channels, such as 7-0-3. The poor man has a terrible time doing it fast enough while keeping it pointed at the TV. He inevitably screws it up, THEN he just starts pushing buttons to fix it. I try to tell him to no avail, there isn’t just ONE button that will magically fix it. BUT can you imagine the millions you would make if you could invent a “fix it” button?

FRIDAY THE 13TH & A FULL MOON

According to the San Francisco Giants announcer, Jon Miller, the combination of a full moon on Friday the 13th won’t happen again for 35 years!  That is just fine with me. I’m not particularly superstitious BUT I do know that people (drivers in particular) do a lot of weird stuff during a full moon. This double whammy last Friday had me going “Whoa!”, as Charley & I say when we lift up the ears on her stuffed Snoopy.

I awoke as any day on Friday, June 13^th. I called my father as usual but felt the urge to sneeze just as we were ending the call. I quickly said good-bye, turned slightly & let out a healthy sneeze. At that point my back almost exploded! I knew it was bad within seconds & uttered a few emphatic expletives which prompted Lou to come in saying what’s wrong. When you’ve lived 64 years with various back issues you know when it is NOT good.

It took me about a minute to get up off the chair. I literally could not move for a short while. As I slowly made my way to the freezer for the ice pack followed by the bathroom for several ibuprophen, I was royally pissed off! Those of you who have suffered with lower back problems understand the anger & frustration that immediately takes hold when you realize that you will be miserable for days. Not to mention that comfort, sleeping & your daily routine are shot to hell.

About that time, my sister, Karen, who is the expert on back problems (far worse than mine), called to say she was sitting beside the road with a truck that crapped out & wouldn’t move. Her husband had come over from work but couldn’t get it going. She was waiting for the tow truck. So far the Friday the 13th/full moon combination was two for two & it wasn’t even 9 AM.

Later that evening as I lay on the floor with ice on my back & Karen's conked out truck sat in the garage, we watched our Giants blow a lead in the 9th inning that could only be explained by the Friday the 13th/full moon combo. That’s where we heard Jon Miller as he looked up the next similar event – 35 years away. Thank goodness!

We had plans to meet for lunch on Sunday at the facility where our dad is currently rehabbing from a partial foot amputation. It was Father’s Day so his two daughters were going to bring him a Taco Bell lunch, visit & do our best to make it an okay Father’s Day given the circumstances.

BUT she had no wheels to make the 100 mile drive from her house to Danville. I had wheels but was nursing a back that was spasming like crazy as I decided whether to make the 100 mile drive from my house.

In the end I decided to suck it up & drive in. If this ended up being his last Father’s Day on this earth, I figured I couldn’t live with myself if I let him spend it alone in a rehab facility. Armed with my ice pack & a back brace off I went. My plan was to stop every half hour to walk around & stretch a bit. That last leg both ways was a bit tough but I survived.

I’m not really sure whether my dad cared that much that I was there. But he enjoyed his enchirito, taco & beans. And I know that whatever happens, I made the effort to spend Father’s Day with him leaving me with a clear conscious.

This is now Day Six of my latest back escapade & it is finally feeling well enough to sit at my computer for the time it takes to write this. Thank God it only seems to happen this bad every few years. And I’m sure it wasn’t helped by my visit with Charley yesterday – physically, that is – mentally it was the best medicine!

"THIS IS LOU, MY...????"

In this day & age many couples are sharing a life together without the benefit of matrimony. It brings up an interesting question which I've often pondered. What do you call the man (or woman) who lives with you?

Boyfriend – I am in my 60s & am in a long term, live in, committed relationship. Calling Lou my “boyfriend” just sounds like someone I started dating a few months ago.

Partner – I know that “partner” is the term of choice for many unwed couples but it sounds more like a business relationship to me. You could easily refer to someone you just opened a restaurant with & have no intention of sleeping with as a “partner”, too.

Life Partner – So, by adding the word “life” to “partner”, it is supposed to somehow negate the business end of it. But “life partner” sort of sounds a little like a new age, this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, kind of thing.

Mate – Just sounds too much like an Australian buddy for my tastes.

Significant Other – The Urban Dictionary defines “significant other” as follows: “Your mate, spouse, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, steady and/or lover. Used when you don't want to be too specific, or when the details are nobody's business.” That pretty much covers it!

POSSLQ – A term supposedly coined by the U.S. Census Bureau that just went a bit too far is “posslq” (pronounced “possil cue”) which stand for “Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters”. That is just plain silly. Come on, really?

Spousal Equivalent – I first heard this one mentioned by Joy Behar, formerly of The View. Apparently she lived with her “spousal equivalent” for 29 years before finally marrying him. I loved her quote when asked why, she replied, “After a honeymoon for 29 years, we decided to ruin it & get married.”

Lover – That might have been okay back when we were star-crossed “lovers” but after almost 13 years together, no one is really interested in our sex lives. I see no reason to broadcast that fact to everyone whom I introduce to Lou.

Other Half – I do tend to use this one once in awhile since it gives a somewhat endearing term without specifically stating whether marriage or co-habitating is involved.

Husband – We often call each other “husband” & “wife”. After all we are in this for life & we have made the same commitment to each other that every married couple does, just not in the eyes of the law. We wear rings on the third fingers of our left hands & I like to say that we are married in our hearts.

It's just that neither one of us wants to get married. We are together because we choose to be together each day, not because a piece of paper says we are legally bound to each other. Being a product of the 1960s I still have enough of that “rebel” mindset in me to defy the normal traditions. So far, we both continue to enjoy our unwedded bliss.

But this all puts me back to square one – what do I call Lou? More often than not, when I introduce him to someone, I simply say, “Lou, this is so & so. So & so, this is Lou.” Since we tend to hold hands a lot & it’s probably obvious that we are a couple, I’ll let them draw their own conclusions.

Anyone have any other suggestions?

FUNCTIONAL ADULT

A friend of mine recently posted a quote on Facebook that really spoke to me: “Pretending to be a functional adult is exhausting!” Just read the following account & you’ll see why. J

Since the inception of my blogging, I have resisted bringing the fact that I am a family caregiver for my father into my writing. I’ve wanted my blogging to be uplifting, amusing, sarcastic & just plain fun.  Caring for an elderly parent isn’t something that you would think usually falls into any of those categories.

BUT when you really think about it, the truth is that every single one of those things enter into the process of caregiving. Even though I’ve been involved in caring for my father for many years now, I don’t want to be labeled as a “caregiver”.  I am literally fighting to NOT be categorized primarily as a caregiver. Yes, that is part of who I am but I won’t let it define me.

For the past eight years my father has not been able to live alone. This man has dealt with more health issues than anyone should have to endure. Yet for the most part, he keeps a relatively positive attitude although he does seem to work at driving me crazy on many occasions. J I won’t go into all the details or I would be sitting here typing for days. He has had a stroke, two back surgeries, a shunt placed in his head & is unable to walk without a walker (& that doesn’t include the past six months). Fortunately, he is still mentally pretty sharp at 85 years old.

We have had someone live with him to assist him in the mornings & evenings – & just be there in case he needs help. Again, I could write two books (maybe more) with all that I have learned & figured out to care for him over the years. Offering a free room & a small salary to someone who needs to get back on their feet or a college student has been a godsend to us in getting my dad the minimal care that he needs. I come in every other weekend & a few weeks a year to give the live-in caregiver time off.

Unfortunately, we have moved to another stage of caregiving these past six months. Maybe I’ll go into more detail as time goes on – or maybe I won’t, I don’t know. The Reader’s Digest version is that he has been in one hospital or another eight times in the past six months. It started with cellulitis, then gangrene in a toe, hyperbaric oxygen treatments, clogged arteries in his leg, a toe amputation, more trying to clear the arteries, more hyperbaric & finally a transmetatarsal amputation (the front third of the foot). Following that, since he couldn’t keep weight totally off the foot using a walker, the wound completely opened up.

As of this writing he is getting six weeks of IV antibiotics at a rehab facility. He has been to UCSF Medical Center in San Francisco for evaluation & had yet another procedure done. BUT this past two weeks, small miracle that it seems to be, the wound is suddenly beginning to heal on its own. His doctor is guardedly optimistic that we may avoid a below the knee amputation.

So, you can see how that pretending to be a functional adult quote above resonates with me. Even though I am 64 years old, I’m still not sure when I became the “functioning adult” in charge & it sure as hell is exhausting! When I was around 12, I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait until I was grown up like my mother who always seemed to be in total control. Now, that I am grown up (debatably), I think it was all a smoke & mirrors thing with her – I doubt she felt any more in control than I do! Poor woman!

Thank God for Charley. Who would have ever thought that a 2-1/2 year old would be the reason for keeping my sanity relatively in tact? 

"WHERE'S YOUR NEXT TRIP?"

That is a question that Lou & I have become accustomed to happily answering. Our family, friends & acquaintances know that we love to travel & take every opportunity we can to explore our world. Often times we’ll have a couple of trips in the works. Sometimes I think I enjoy the planning almost as much as the actual travel.

I just counted & over the almost thirteen years that Lou & I have been together, we have taken 40 “big trips”. I define “big trips” as those which are five days or longer & are outside of California or Nevada. If you include those two states, the number reaches into the hundreds.

Unfortunately, we have both been asked the “where’s your next trip” question several times in the past few weeks & have had to answer, “Sadly, we don’t have anything planned.” That is due to the fact that we both have elderly parents with numerous health & medical issues.

My father has been fighting poor circulation in his foot that has resulted in six hospitalizations since December of last year currently culminating in a partial foot amputation. Both my sister & I live 100 miles away which makes it difficult at best. I joke that I’m the “DIC” – “Daughter In Charge”.  The day before our last trip to the Super Bowl in late January, he landed in ICU with severe bleeding ulcers from a new blood thinner. Since his life was not in imminent danger, I headed off for New Jersey with his blessing leaving my sister as the “DIC”. She did a great job & I was ready to hand it over permanently but she has adamantly refused!

Even though all of these issues may likely get worse as time goes on, I told Lou we HAVE to get a trip planned! We each literally have a travel list so we started throwing out ideas. It had to be a trip within the United States on Southwest Airlines since they don’t have change fees if we needed to postpone it. We would make hotel & car reservations that are all cancellable. That way we aren’t out any money if we have to change everything.

A couple of days ago as I read the morning newspaper an article in our Sacramento Bee jumped out at me. “Hmmmm!” I exclaimed, “Here is a big article about Frank Lloyd Wright’s Johnson Tower in Racine, Wisconsin opening for tours.”

“Really?” Lou’s ears perked up as he replied. That is the last big design of Wright’s that we haven’t yet seen. It was only open for tours one Saturday a month but the tower has been recently renovated & will soon be open daily.

Awhile later after he read it, Lou said, “Maybe we should plan a trip to Wisconsin.” There are several Wright designed homes in the area including an impressive one that is also open for public tours. Our experience has always been that we find way more to do than we have time for wherever we go & I’m sure this one will be no different.

I hopped online & checked the Giants schedule to see if we could work a trip around seeing them play the Milwaukee Brewers. We can! They will play in early August so we are happily planning a week long jaunt to Wisconsin. It is Lou’s job to find all the places we want to see & I do my best to fit them all in. This is the part of being a travel agent that I loved!

So, please, go ahead & ask me, “Where’s your next trip?”

My answer will be, “We’re going to Wisconsin in August to see some more Frank Lloyd Wright sites & the Giants play the Brewers!”

Even though parts of my life may be spinning out of control, at least our travel plans are back on track! That makes things a little more right with my world – & time with my Charley Ellen, of course.

IN AN INSTANT

This will be more somber than most of my thoughts. This morning I planned to take a “me day” – get a massage, shop a little, maybe get my nails done. On my way down Antelope Road I came upon a traffic back up. All I could see initially were several TV news truck antennas in the air & many police cars with lights flashing.

As I approached the scene, a mutilated pile of metal that used to be a car was in one lane, a police car was off the road in the bushes & a slightly damaged pick-up truck nearby. Then I saw the yellow tarp draped over the remains of the car. I knew it was covering a dead body. Someone was driving down the same road I travel at least 2 or 3 times a week having no idea that their life would end momentarily. It totally unnerved me.

As I made my first stop at the post office a few blocks ahead, I pulled out my phone & checked a local news station’s website for details. What I learned unnerved me even more. A high speed chase between the police & some burglary suspects reaching speeds of 100 mph had continued until the suspects crashed into the car. A man & a girl were killed instantly - a father taking his daughter to school.

It was such a sobering moment that I considered skipping my “me day”. But then I decided to go ahead & take care of myself. There was nothing I could do to help those poor innocent victims driving down the street as they probably did every morning without thinking that their lives could be over in an instant. Every one of us needs to take care of ourselves & those we love EVERY day. No one ever knows for sure that we’ll be alive tomorrow – or even in 10 minutes.

It is hard not to wonder what our world is coming to when innocent people can’t drive safely down a public street. The fact that two teenagers trying to escape the police in a botched burglary can snuff out two lives then flee the scene is abominable. Fortunately, the young men were caught & will be charged with homicide.

There is too much violence & too much apathy in this country. I’m not sure what we can do to stop it but something has to change. This was one incident in our neighborhood, but similar tragedies & others occur daily in many neighborhoods all over the United States. As we turned on the TV this afternoon to find more details about what was surely the lead story on the local news, we were stunned to find out that it wasn’t.

A gunman was again on the loose shooting people at Fort Hood, Texas. Three were dead & many injured as the incident continued to unfold. Countless families were locked in their homes on the base, terrified of being shot & killed. This violence, whether with a car or a gun, is all too commonplace in our world.

The most prosperous & advanced country in the world has to find a way to stop this senseless violence, destruction & death. In the meantime, give those you love an extra hug & tell them again & again how much you love them. It could all be over in an instant.

I LOVE A BARGAIN!

Man, I love it when I find a great bargain! It can pretty much make my whole day, maybe even my week. Now, I’m not talking just a sale where you can save 10, 15 or 20% off. Don’t get me wrong those are wonderful but I’m talking the REALLY good deals when you find something on the clearance rack that is 80% off AND you have a coupon for another discount.

A couple of days ago, I found one of the best bargains ever, but I’ll get to the details of that in a few minutes.

I am the discount queen when it comes to saving money & finding bargains. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been living on a fairly tight budget for most of your life. Over the years as I was able to spend a few more dollars, I realized that I relished the thrill of finding the bargain much more than I enjoyed spending more money. Years ago, I came across a great pair of boots at Ross (one of my favorite places, BTW) for $12. I loved them & literally wore the soles out from wearing them so much.

Lou & I thoroughly enjoy dressing up on the formal nights when we take cruises. He splurged on a tuxedo about 6 or 7 cruises ago which has turned out to be a real bargain, too. When we have a cruise booked, I start checking out Ross on Tuesdays several months before we sail. If you aren’t familiar with Ross, Tuesday is senior day when people 55 & over get an extra 10% off of already low prices. At last count I have about ten cocktail or formal dresses in my closet. Not one cost more than $30 & my last one was $12.99. Then I hit the clearance area of DSW (Designer Show Warehouse) for shoes & purses. Voila, I’m ready for formal night!

Unfortunately, I either need a bigger closet or I need to stop finding bargains. Hmmm, I think I’ll go with the bigger closet. J My latest discovery is shopping at Kohl’s, but don’t ever pay full price. They have made the rules & I simply play by them. I applied for their credit card & joined their Rewards program. That often gives me discounts up to 30% when I use my card. Plus I get coupons for $5 off on a $5 purchase & occasionally even $10 off on $10. Of course, I usually spend a few dollars more but I would estimate that I have at least 10 – 15 tops that cost me under $5.

But this past Friday was my best ever success at working the system. This month is my birthday so I received an email coupon for $10 off to use once during March. A few days later I received a $5 reward from previous purchases. That was followed in another couple of days by a mailer with another $5 off coupon if I used my Kohl’s charge. There was a one week period when all three of these discounts were valid. And Kohl’s allows you to use all of your discounts on top of each other!

I found two long sleeve Croft & Barrow tops that were on sale for $9.99 each. I pulled out all my discounts & ended up walking out of the store with both tops for FREE!!! I didn’t have to spend another penny. Woo Hoo! The guy who rang up the sale said, “Wow! Great job! You have two cents left.” I told him he could keep that. That was the first time I came away with two items that were totally free. I decided that was my birthday gift from Kohl’s. Thank you, Kohl’s!

I just hope they don’t change their policies anytime soon. My guess is that most people spend much more when they head to the store with their coupons. But I am damn good at working the system & playing by the rules that the store sets up. Pardon me while I give myself a quick pat on the back. J I love the tops but I think I love the fact that they were the ultimate bargain even more.

My sister-in-law still talks about several home decorating items she stumbled onto in Montana. She literally paid $1 each for all kinds of really cool stuff for her tables & shelves. There is just something special about feeling like you got something for nothing – without stealing it!

Now, please, share a few of your bargain hunting stories with me. Thanks!