OLD LADY SKIN

DISCLAIMER: For all you guys out there, this contains some rather explicit descriptions of aging female body parts - so read on at your own risk! 

What is the deal? You wake up one morning & you suddenly have “old lady” skin. If you are over 60 you know exactly what I mean, you rotate your arm a bit & there they are – tons of little tiny wrinkles. What used to be a smooth attractive arm (just wait, Michele Obama) now resembles something that looks like uncooked chicken skin. And it seems to come on quickly, almost appearing overnight.

If you twist your arm just so, hold it really still & tilt your head at a certain angle you can still create the appearance of almost smooth skin. But, alas, you can't walk around looking like a robot with your arms stiffly stuck out from your sides & your neck craned sideways.

It took me several tries to make sure the old lady skin didn't show too badly on my arms & neck in the photo to the right.  One more thought – don't ever, ever look down into a mirror, you will see your grandmother's neck & chin staring back at you. It will scare the crap out of you!

And, oh Lord, the boobs! Even just 10 years ago I had perky, little boobs that we referred to as a nice handful. When I was much younger we had the “pencil test” to determine if you needed to wear a bra. If you placed a pencil cross-wise below your breast & it stayed put, you needed a bra. If it fell to the floor, you were good to go braless.

To my delight for most of my life, the pencil clattered to the floor. But I tried it last week just for the hell of it & the damn thing was really lodged under there. It took a lot of jumping & bouncing to knock it loose. Geez!

When I play with my almost two year old granddaughter, Charley, we sing a song about a dog with droopy ears. It’s a catchy tune & some of you may remember it.

Do your ears hang low?

Do they wobble to and fro?

Etc., etc., etc.

Well, every time I hear it, I want to substitute “boobs” for “ears”:

Do your boobs hang low?

Do they wobble to and fro?

Can you tie ‘em in a knot?

Can you tie ‘em in a bow?

Do your boobs hang low?

Unfortunately, now that there is a little more to my boobs & they can actually be pushed together to create cleavage, (something new to me!), all those little chicken skin wrinkles show up in force on my chest. 

But, you know the best part? I wouldn't change this wonderful time in my life with my granddaughter & her parents & my partner & my family & friends & traveling for all the smooth skin & perky boobs in the world! I've earned every single one of these wrinkles!