SERIOUS SOAPBOX TIME

Yesterday, two people armed with assault weapons killed 14 people & injured 17 more in yet another senseless mass shooting. This is happening at alarming rates in this country of ours. At some point those of us rational, appalled & disgusted citizens need to step up & say, "Enough is enough."

At this point, I'm not really sure what has to happen to stop this massacre of innocent people. If the killing of 20 elementary school children & 6 teachers in Sandy Hook, New Jersey, didn't bring the huge majority of Americans to unite & stop these horrific murders, I don't know what will. As a grandmother I just want to wrap my Charley in my arms & protect her from this evil. But I can't.

On July 4, 1983, my 81 year old Grandpa Frank & my grandmother, who we called Nannie, left my parent's house at 9:30 PM to drive home to Oakland. We spent the evening eating dinner then setting off fireworks out front. I was 33 years old with a 7 year old son who laughed along with Grandpa Frank as a ground flower "chased" his father after lighting it.

With my son in bed after a fun day of family visiting, I took the call around 10 PM from my mother that Grandpa Frank had been shot & my parents were driving to the hospital to be with Nannie. About an hour later the second call from my mother told me that Grandpa Frank was dead. He had been shot in the head at point blank range as he sat in his car outside of their house.

We could only speculate on what had happened. As always, Grandpa Frank dropped Nannie off in front of the house to go in the front door. He would then drive the car to the detached garage in the back. Nannie would unlock the back door for him. When he didn't come in after several minutes she went back to the front to find him slumped in the car covered in blood - killed seconds after she entered the house. She hurried back into the house to call 9-1-1 but we learned later that he was already dead.

Again, we all had our theories on who committed this senseless murder of an 81 year old man. My father believed it was a robbery gone bad. He still had the $80 in his wallet. My grandfather was a man who called a spade a spade & didn't take any crap from anyone. I believe that someone in the predominantly black neighborhood who he offended decided the Fourth of July was the perfect time to kill him. Whatever the reason, Grandpa Frank was dead & Nannie was a widow.

We were all scared of our own shadows for weeks. Their neighbors were terrified as to who would murder an old man & wondered if they were next. My 7 year old son couldn't comprehend that someone would kill his Grandpa Frank & to be honest, neither could I. It was a horrific time as we packed up Nannie's things. My mother wouldn't let her spend one more night in that house.

So, even though it has been more than 32 years since that traumatic night, it comes back to me every time there is another senseless killing. Only the multiple murders are reported in the news now days. The individual killings, like my Grandpa Frank, don't even warrant a few seconds on TV since they are too numerous. His killer was never found & we've done our best to move on as a family.

My thoughts are that we need to outlaw assault weapons & high powered guns - period. No one needs them. If you want a rifle to hunt, fine. If you want a handgun to protect you, fine - hell, I know how to shoot a gun & I owned one for years. BUT no one, I repeat NO ONE, needs high powered assault weapons.

It is too easy to buy guns & far too easy to take them into schools & other places to kill innocent people. Those of us who believe this is unacceptable need to stand up & say, "Enough is enough!" Write your representative & senator telling them this needs to stop now! Don't vote for the politicians who won't support gun control!

And if any of you reading this disagree & want to tell me why my views are wrong & we should all have AK-47s in our closet, please don't bother. You will never convince me & I won't listen. And maybe, just maybe, if your grandfather is killed by senseless gun violence, you won't either.

Next day note: The newspaper this morning had one line that says it all, "Yes, 14 people were killed in a horrible tragedy yesterday but there were likely also 88 other people killed by gun violence in this country." These killings barely get a mention in the local paper. This has got to stop!

TIME TO GET REAL

Some people have a difficult time throwing old clothes out - that's not me! When I get in the mood, it doesn't take long to rifle through my closet tossing things out right & left. Especially now that I know all the shopping secrets from Ross or Kohl's, it is easy to chuck the old, out of date clothes since I know I can easily & inexpensively replace them. When I run out of hangers, I know it is time for spring, summer, fall or winter cleaning!

This past Saturday morning I tackled my jeans & crop pants drawers. I am 65 years old & don't look half bad (for an old lady!) BUT I don't look like I did when I was 40, or hell, even 50. Not to mention that there are a few more pounds of "junk in the trunk" to deal with. :-)

As I started sorting through all my pants, I realized there were a few pairs that probably dated back 20 years! I was at a loss as to why I was hanging on to some of them since I will never wear them again in this lifetime - even if they did fit, which over half of them didn't. I suppose that somewhere in my twisted mind I was hanging on to the fact that maybe, just maybe, someday I would magically lose 15 pounds & the zippers would just glide up easily. Time to get real, girl!  Ain't gonna happen!

There were even a couple pairs of old jeans that were a size 6 - SIZE 6?? What the hell? I honestly don't ever recall wearing a size 6 past age 25 - long before menopause & senility set in. Those went in the give away pile without even attempting to squeeze my butt into them. I am certainly not that much of a glutton for punishment.

Most of them that joined the size 6s in the Goodwill pile were just a little too tight or way out of style. One of the benefits & pleasures of being 65 is that I no longer wear clothes that aren't comfortable & restrict my breathing. My days of wearing jeans that look great but cut into me at places I really don't want to be cut into are long gone. Not to mention that tight hip-hugger, low cut jeans just don't look good on anyone older than 16 & weighing more than 95 pounds. A 65 year old "muffin top" is not even a little bit flattering.

There were even a few that could only be called bell bottoms back in my era - AKA the 60s. I suppose now they are termed "boot cut" - but since I don't even own a pair of cowboy boots & haven't ridden a horse in a couple of decades, there wasn't any good reason to hang on to them either.

Before our trip last month, I headed to Ross on a Tuesday (10% senior discount day!) to look for new jeans. I hit the jackpot finding 3 pairs that look & fit really good - for less than $50 total including tax! The waist is actually at my waist & they are snug but not too tight. Thank you Gloria Vanderbilt for realizing that some of us are real women, not petite little teen-agers. Plus I have 2 pairs of "jeggings" from last year that work perfectly with long tops & boots so I am set for the upcoming winter.

All in all, I ended up chucking around 30 pairs of pants & about 15 tops. I did save 5 pairs of denim pants that still fit & I might wear at some point. But I am really proud of myself since I am down to 10 pairs of jeans & I have at least 15 empty hangers!

Guess what I'm going to do this afternoon? Yep, I'm heading to Kohl's with my coupon to start finding more bargains to fill up those hangers! Woo Hoo!

IT'S OFFICIAL, GAGA IS A PUSHOVER

Due to circumstances beyond my control (which have turned out to have a bit of silver lining), I am getting to spend a lot more time with Charley lately. Twice in the past week, I've taken her for the day to visit, run errands, go shopping & have lunch. She even told Daddy to show me how to fasten the car seat straps "because Gaga has trouble with it". She's right, Gaga does have trouble with it sometimes, but I'm improving.

It seems that we really enjoy our time together & Charley has figured out that Gaga is a total pushover when it comes to buying her stuff. When we did my dad's shopping together last week I bought her a few little things - a tiny doll with long blue hair, some pom-poms (on the clearance table) that fell apart two days later & a little plastic Olaf whose head opens up to reveal a small sucker. I've spent days looking for more little suckers to refill it - finally found them so now she is good to go. And, just a side note, that kid can spot Frozen stuff from way across the store!

I've been on a mission to make a CD to play in my car with Charley's favorite songs. Her three biggies are "All About That Bass", "Shake It Off" & "Let It Go". I'd downloaded "Let It Go" to my iPod last year to learn the words. But it seems that iPods are now technological dinosaurs & downloading one song without signing up for a continual service is not easy. Everything now involves the "Music Cloud" & if you are older than 16, you have no idea what or where it is. Plus I hadn't used my iTunes account since I bought my new computer. I spent hours the other night & I'm not real sure how I did it, but I finally had a CD with those three songs & several other catchy girl songs on it! Hooray, Gaga!

Yesterday I took her for the day & put the CD on as soon as we got in the car. That little girl knows every word to those three songs & she just belts them out as she sings along! Her enthusiasm really is contagious. We played them at least 5 or 6 times in our travels. I have to figure out a way to get a video of her singing along.

One of our stops was at Kohl's where I had a $5 off reward & a 30% discount coupon. My intention was to let her pick a couple of long tops that she likes & maybe a pair of leggings. When she spotted the fancy Disney dresses, all bets were off. Please, please, please, Gaga! She HAD to have one! Gaga did the math - $35 originally, on sale for $21, less $5, then 30% off made it $11.20 - how could I deny her a beautiful dress that she loved?

The blue Cinderella one looked lovely but it was a size too large & there weren't any smaller ones. She also thought the purple Sofia one was gorgeous. We went to the fitting room & tried them both on. The Cinderella one was indeed too big & didn't fit right, but the Sofia one was beautiful. We both liked it best so I said, "Okay, Gaga will buy it for you." Being a pushover has the most incredible rewards when you see the pure joy in an almost four year old's eyes!

As we walked to the register in the front of the store carrying her Sofia dress, the loudspeaker began playing "Shake It Off". Charley started singing along with Taylor Swift & I joined her:

"The players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off"

We got several smiles from other shoppers as we walked hand in hand down the aisle singing & dancing away. Oh, did I mention we were wearing our matching giant spider glow-in-the-dark necklaces that Gaga bought, too? 

REST IN PEACE, YOGI

Late last night, I heard the news that baseball great, Yogi Berra, had passed away at 90 years of age. It elicited a sad, prolonged, "Awwww," from my lips.

Most of his baseball success was as the catcher for the New York Yankees. Now, I've never been a Yankees fan -  in fact, along with the Los Angeles Dodgers - they are the teams I love to hate the most! However, I was most definitely a Yogi Berra fan, not just for his baseball but for his wit & wisdom off the field.

His baseball statistics were pretty amazing for a 5'7", 185 pound catcher. In today's world that is considered tiny & he'd have a tough time even getting a chance in the major leagues. Yogi played 19 years as a catcher & part time outfielder. He has 10 World Series rings & 3 MVP awards to his credit. His lifetime batting average was .285 - pretty damn good!

But his mental process was legendary & had everyone scratching their heads as their minds tried to make sense of his words. There was even a word coined to describe his strange but thought-provoking statements - "Yogi-isms".

Here are a few of my favorites:

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it!"

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."

"It's deja vu all over again."

"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

"Better make it six, I can't eat eight," when asked if he wanted his pizza cut in 6 or 8 slices.

And, of course, the one that virtually everyone has quoted at some point in their lives, "It ain't over, 'til it's over."

Well, Yogi, it's over. I know he had a brilliant baseball career, a wonderful personal life (married to Carmen for 65 years until her death last year) & my guess is that he knew EXACTLY what he was saying with all those seemingly crazy quotes.

Rest in Peace, Yogi - baseball & the world will miss you!

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

Feel free to substitute a word that begins with "F" & ends with "K" in the title if you are like me & can't stand big ass spiders!

The low tire pressure light came on in my car yesterday. It's a great invention but then you know the tires are low & have to deal with it immediately. I hate trying to use those stupid machines at a gas station to fill the tires. I can never get the hose to stay out so you try to stand on it leaving enough room to maneuver the end onto the stem. Then you must check it with a tire gauge since the ones on the air hose never work - or so I'm told.

Once you've wrestled the air hose into submission, lost a cap or two under the car & have fingers that resemble those of your mechanic with all the road dirt & grease, if you are lucky, you have properly inflated tires. Since it seems to be such an ordeal for me, I usually choose to do it at home. We have a electric tire inflater that at least makes all of the above issues a bit more manageable. Plus you aren't under the gun because the damn machine will turn off in three minutes.

Okay, that's the set up - I go out to the garage this morning to check all the tires & sure enough a couple are several pounds low. As I stand up from my left rear tire, I come face to face with a Black Widow spider! She was about 1-1/2 inches long, shiny black with a bright red spot & sitting in a web in the corner of the garage. "Damn it!", I yelled (among other things) as I jumped backward into my car.

With my heart pounding I took a minute to figure out how to kill it. For the record I HATE killing spiders but I hate live ones roaming my house & garage more. And also for the record, I do believe that men should have to kill the spiders. But my man was out volunteering at the Railroad Museum today so I was on my own.

I found the bug spray & sprayed the shit out of that nasty thing. It barely moved so I figured it must be dying. I took the shovel to scoop it out of the web & take it out front, far away from me. The damn thing started running all over. I tried in vain to smash it with the shovel but other tools & things prevented me from getting a direct hit. Of course, I am swearing a blue streak that would rival any longshoreman. Finally I stunned it enough to where I could get it on the end of the shovel - I held the extreme end of the handle - & took it out to the front lawn.

When I set it down, it gained it's second wind & started running all over again. Now, I had a clear shot & smashed it about ten times with the shovel. Finally it looked like it was immobilized. And it was at least 8 - 10 feet from where I was working on my tires. I glanced around to make sure that no one was looking. They'd have thought I was a crazy woman for sure.

My next order of business was to calm down & let my heart rate return to some semblance of normal - it must have been beating 200 times a minute. Damn, damn, damn, I hate spiders! It is now half an hour later, my tires are at the recommended pressure, there is one less Black Widow living in the garage & my body is just about back to its normal functioning.

I have heard that hair spray will immobilize a spider so you can kill it but I didn't think of that in the heat of the moment. I just wanted poison & something hard & long to hit it with. Still not sure why in the overall scheme of things a pretty tiny spider can instill such fear in a full grown woman - but from my conversations with friends, male & female, I know I am not alone! 

THE WALMART ADVENTURE

I learned long ago that you must be in the right frame of mind before attempting to shop at WalMart. You cannot be in a hurry...you cannot be upset with people blocking the aisles...you cannot expect exemplary customer service....AND you certainly cannot expect an answer as to why they have 26 cash registers & only 8 are open no matter how busy.

But all of that being said, they do offer all kinds of products at really good prices. Maybe someday I'll have enough money to avoid tackling shopping at WalMart. In the meantime, I prefer to steel myself for the WalMart experience & save my hard earned cash for the finer things in life...like lunches out & buying my granddaughter all sorts of fun things.

Today I ventured out to WalMart to do my dad's shopping. My guess is that I'm just naturally frugal & don't have it in me to spend anyone's money foolishly. I consciously told myself to simply be polite, smile at people & make the best of the situation. It has become a challenge to me to shop at WalMart without uttering more than a couple of curse words.

With my basket full I went in search of a short line. Fortunately, it was midday & I found an open register with two people ahead of me who had all of their items on the belt. I pulled my cart up to unload my items but there weren't any of the little bars that divide your purchases from the person in front of you. Why are there never enough of those things? It can't cost that much to put 3 or 4 at every register, can it? Finally the woman in front of me pulls the only stick from in front of her items & puts it behind them. I smiled & thanked her.

All of my items were safely on the belt & I began to interact with the woman & the checker. Suddenly they realized her bathroom soap holder had no price tag. The woman looked at me & said, "Oh, no, I'm that customer from hell who holds up the line." I smiled. She told the checker she would go grab another one. As she left she said, "My wallet is on the thing where you write checks." The checker smiled at me & said, "We'll split it."

In the meantime the checker couldn't figure out how to remove the security thing from a blood pressure meter. By the time the woman returned with a new soap holder, the checker was two registers down getting help. The woman again apologized & I said, "No problem. I'm not in any hurry." We also discussed her knee surgery 3 weeks ago & how great she was doing. Finally the checker returns, finishes her order & as she slides her card through the machine it falls off in her hands! I'm pretty sure it is a design flaw since I've noticed most of them are held together with rubber bands & tape.

It must have read her card okay because it spit out her receipt. As she turned to leave she smiled at me saying, "I'm really sorry. Usually I'm the one who is standing where you are waiting for them to figure things out." I thought, yeah, tell me about it.

The card reader had come unplugged & no one could figure out how to hook it back up & attach it to the holder. I thought about suggesting using rubber bands but decided against it. The checker reached over & turned on the dreaded flashing light. Oh, no...it could be forever until a supervisor appeared to fix it. I made the decision to start putting all of my items back in the cart & move to another cashier. Halfway through doing that, the checker exclaims, "I think I've got it!" But it fell off in her hands once again.

With everything back in my cart, I moved a few registers down & may have cut someone off who was leisurely strolling to the checkout...but at that point my sunny attitude was wearing thin & I just wanted out of there. Putting all of my items BACK on the belt, I said "hi" to Dalton, a young man who seemed to enjoy talking much more than scanning items. After what seemed like an eternity all of my dad's purchases were bagged, in the cart & paid for...hallelujah! I had survived WalMart once again!

AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR

Back in the day I was never a huge fan of “wrestling”. I’m not talking about the collegiate type competitions but the rock ‘em, sock ‘em, throw 'em across the ring, kick your butt type wrestling that was on every Friday night. But, I will admit to knowing who Hulk Hogan, Rowdy Roddy Piper & Haystack Calhoun were. J

In fact, I still remember getting a kick out of one Mother’s Day telecast when the Junkyard Dog tried to put a folding chair in the ring so his mama could watch him compete up close & personal. The gimmicks & unbelievable stunts were pretty hard to believe. At the risk of upsetting & offending anyone, I never really accepted it as a legitimate sport.

For the past several years, there has been a new, much more genuine competition called “American Ninja Warrior” that has captured me hook, line & sinker. It is an obstacle type course developed specifically to test the strength, agility & endurance of athletic men & women. Apparently, there is a televised competition in Japan, called “Sasuke”, of which “American Ninja Warrior” is a spin-off.

I recall seeing it a few times when Charley was just a tiny baby which makes that over three years ago. The year before last I watched quite often. And last year, I was totally hooked. The new season of American Ninja Warrior just started a couple weeks ago. Every Monday evening I am glued to the TV anxiously awaiting the latest attempts of athletes to conquer the various obstacles.

I don't know what it is but there is something about this competition that is downright addicting. Although many are quite flamboyant & have a range of gimmicks, these competitors are regular people. There are ER doctors, ranchers, tax accountants & my favorite - a TV weatherman.

The qualifying rounds in several cities include six obstacles with names like the “salmon ladder”, the “quintuple steps”, the “jumping spider” & the “warped wall”. The warped wall seems to knock out the most competitors. It is a curved 14 foot vertical wall that contestants must run up taking just a few steps, grab the top & pull themselves over. Spectators chant, “Beat that wall, beat that wall,” to encourage would be American Ninja Warriors.

The top qualifiers from several cities move on to the regional finals where a few more obstacles are added to the course. The developers are constantly adding new & different obstacles while retaining the fan favorites. The winners of the regional finals move on to the four stages of “Mt. Midoriyama” in Las Vegas.

An interesting fact is that men & women of all ages & sizes compete equally on the courses. Nothing is altered or changed for the women.  Until last year no woman had ever made it up the “warped wall”. Remember this is 14 feet straight up with a slight curve at the bottom. The commentators tell me it is all technique but it seems pretty damn hard, too.

Last year the amazing Kacy Catanzaro, a 24 year old, 5 foot tall, 100 pound former gymnast became the first woman to complete the course & move on to the regional finals. Kacy is the girlfriend of long time Ninja Warrior, Brent Steffenson. Brent was eliminated early but cheered Kacy on like a real trooper.

The most incredible feat came when Kacy also completed the course (with the added obstacles) in the regional finals! I sat in front of the TV screaming like I do for football or basketball. She became the first woman to make it to Mt. Midoriyama but was eliminated in Stage 1 along with the majority of her male counterparts.

I highly recommend checking it out if you are even a little bit interested in competition or just vegging out in front of the TV - but be warned - you may become addicted. Here in Sacramento “American Ninja Warrior” is on Mondays at 8 PM on NBC. There is something about this show that sucks me in, then snatches me up to where I have become a huge fan & just can’t miss it. 

MY 1961 VOLKSWAGEN BUG

Lou just bought a brand new blue 2015 Mustang last week! It is a really cool car with all kinds of bells & whistles. It got us talking about all the cars we've owned in our lifetimes. Hands down, my craziest car ever was a used 1961 Volkswagen bug. Back then no one called them a beetle, they were VW bugs.

Since I didn't get my driver's license until my 16th birthday in March of 1966, it was about 10 years old when my ex-husband & I purchased it for $400. To trick it out a little, I bought one of those covers that laced around the steering wheel & spray painted the wheels lime green to make the black car stand out. If any of you ever owned an ancient VW, you know they were unique cars - & not necessarily in a positive way. Yes, they got good gas mileage & were super cheap but they also had numerous quirks & gimmicks that made driving a real adventure.

My favorite idiosyncrasy by far was the reserve gas tank. My little black bug didn't have a gas gauge. I guess the Germans in their infinite wisdom didn't see the need for a gauge when you had the reserve tank. This was a separate container next to the regular gas tank attached by some sort of hose or something. When the gas tank ran dry & the car began to sputter, you took your right foot & flipped a small metal lever on the floor near the gas pedal. This allowed the half gallon of gas in the reserve tank to flow into the main tank. You had to immediately start pumping the gas like mad to get the engine fired up again. And you had about 10 - 15 miles to find a gas station & fill up. A lovely invention!

Another feature that added to my anxiety was that there weren't door locks on the inside. If you wanted to lock the doors, it had to be done with your key from the outside. Wanting the safety of locked doors, I developed the habit of unlocking the door with my key then locking it again while it was open so when I was inside the door was locked. The interior door handle would open the door but it remained locked from the outside if closed again.

One morning on my way to work I grabbed a bag of garbage to chuck in the dumpster at the end of the parking lot. It was windy & raining as I jumped out to dump the garbage. In that couple of seconds, the door blew shut. Damn it, damn it, damn it - the car was running & I'm locked out getting drenched by the minute. My husband had already left for work with the extra key. Double damn it! Fortunately I noticed that the small triangle shaped wind wing (if you are too young to know what that is, Google it) was not locked. I was able to push it open, then using some contortionist skills managed to twist my arm far enough through the small window to grab the door handle. That afternoon I purchased a magnetic key holder, had an extra key made & hid it under the fender.

Speaking of driving that car in the rain, the wipers had one speed - approximately once every 4 - 5 seconds the tiny wipers would slowly swipe in front of my face. The windshield would immediately fog up in the rain. If it had a defroster, which I doubt, it didn't work. In the winter I kept a box of Kleenex in the front seat so I could grab one & wipe the inside of the windshield in order to sort of see out. Plus the heater was useless so I kept a small afghan in the car to cover up with in the cold. It's a wonder I never got in a wreck with that car, but I didn't.

If you have ever driven an old VW shifting it into reverse was a real art form. The small gear shift had to be pushed straight down, then moved to the left & up. You needed a great deal of strength to push that lever down. I developed a technique were I would slam it down hard with all my weight which sometimes worked. I can't remember how many times I looked behind me to back up only to have the car lurch forward since I wasn't in reverse. Hmmm, maybe that's where my habit of swearing profusely while driving started????

Years ago I recalled reading the requirements on a "Learn to Juggle" book. It said if you can find reverse in a Volkswagen you can learn to juggle. I decided right then & there I'd never be a juggler.

On a perfectly flat road you could eventually get the car up to 60 - 65 miles per hour but on a slight incline, the top speed was about 50. Good luck attempting to drive up a steep hill - you'd be in 2nd gear chugging along at about 10 mph. I had heard that people often put sand bags in the front trunk (engine was in the rear) to give the car more traction & weight. I was a believer after driving across the San Mateo Bridge one day when a gust of wind literally moved my car into the next lane! Scared the crap out of me!

We only had that car for a few years & it served its purpose of getting me to & from work. In hindsight I enjoyed the quirks & craziness of my black bug with the bright green wheels. But I was thankful to survive it & not at all sad to see it go when we upgraded to a brand new 1975 Volkswagen Rabbit when I found out I was pregnant! 

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF CHARLEY & GAGA

The other day I had the privilege of spending several hours with my adorable Charley Ellen while her mom attended to some appointments.

The first thing we HAD to do was watch "Tinkerbell & the Legend of the Neverbeast"....for the third consecutive time that I visited her! It is her new favorite movie for sure. Allison told me the first time I sat down to watch it that I will cry. She was right, it is sad at the end, but even though it is a good sad, it does get to you. I teared up again on the third showing. I really love those Pixie Hollow fairies - Tinkerbell, Fawn, Rosetta, Silvermist & the rest. I highly recommend their movies if you ever get the chance.

After the movie & lunch we headed outside to do bubbles. My sister had brought Charley some long, skinny bubble wands with containers to match so we blew & waved bubbles for quite some time. We took turns blowing or chasing them. I do so many simple things with this little sweetie that really are awesome.

We walked to the front of their house where we noticed that lots of weeds had sprouted up around a few azaleas. Charley & I decided to pull the weeds. They came out easily since we'd had some rain a few days before. At first, Charley just pulled them out & dropped them. Once I showed her how to hang on to them then add them to the pile on the walkway, she was totally into it. The girl was a weeding machine!

After awhile I said, "Okay, that's good. Let's go throw them away." Her response was, "No, Gaga! We're not done yet!"

We continued pulling the little buggers until I once more tried to end the chore only to be told yet again, that there were more weeds to pull. When that little girl gets going, she doesn't stop. Finally Charley decided we were done. There was a pretty big pile of weeds to carry to the garbage can. Charley insisted on carrying them herself. I just followed along behind her picking up the ones that dropped.

Once that chore was done, we wandered around their property deciding what to do next. Charley came up with the idea! She said, "Let's march!" & handed me a stick. We each had a stick & she led the procession. She chanted, "Marching, marching. Here's the sun." Then I was directed to mimic her saying, "Marching, marching. Here's the sun." She continued with "Marching, marching. Here's the sky." Gaga copied her, "Marching, marching. Here's the sky."

We must have done that song to 20 things or more......."Marching, marching. Here's the clouds." And the trees. And the leaves. And the pine cones. And the grass. And the rocks. And the pine needles. On & on....we stomped around the house about three times doing our marching chant. She kept finding more things to add to the song.

Following that we poked sticks in some yucky sap on the trees that looked an awful lot like snot. We both crinkled up our noses & said, "Ewww!" In "Tinkerbell & the Legend of the Neverbeast", the beast, Gruff, uses his goopy saliva to stick rocks together building towers. We decided that the sap sure seemed a lot like Gruff's sticky spit.

Somewhere between being a mom of a 3 year old & the 36 years until I became a grandma of a 3 year old, I seem to have forgotten many of the amazing adventures that our world has to offer when seen through the eyes of a three year old. In the span of a five hours, Charley & I cried over an animated fairy movie (well, I did anyway), blew hundreds of bubbles, pulled a bunch of weeds, marched, sang & poked sap with sticks. Not a bad day at all!

SOAPBOX RANT!!!

GAGA IS ON HER SOAPBOX, YELLING, STOMPING & RANTING!

When exactly did getting a newspaper paid for & delivered to the house turn into an unbelievably ludicrous ordeal? My 86 year old father moved to Roseville in late October. Reading the morning newspaper everyday is one of his primary activities. Before he even moved I signed him up for home delivery of the Sacramento Bee, the only local paper.

Initially, on October 20th, I asked them to start delivery on October 25th, the first day he would wake up in his new home. When I arrived for some preliminary work on October 22nd, there was the newspaper in the driveway. Good start, guys.....& it's gone downhill from there.

I went online (they want you to do EVERYTHING online these days - which is fine with me) & entered his contact & credit card info & signed him up for "auto pay" every 13 weeks. BUT a couple months later, he received a letter saying his account was past due. Damn it! I went back online, filled out all of the payment info AGAIN, submitted it & once again assumed that it was fixed when I received the confirmation screen. I did not heed the old "assume" adage - when you assume, it will make an ass out of u & me. My bad.

Another month or two of blissful ignorance goes by as my dad reads his morning newspaper. Now, fast forward to a few weeks ago. He received another letter telling him that his account was past due. For the third time I went online, entered & doubled checked all the payment info & authorizing payment.

Last week my dad showed me yet another FINAL NOTICE that his newspaper delivery would be stopped if his account was not paid. After several expletive filled tirades, I was fit to be tied. Can't anyone do anything right anymore? I certainly don't condone it but I can sure understand why people take guns to businesses & start firing!

The next day I called the newspaper & spoke to a young man who once again took the credit card info & signed him up for "auto pay". He had no explanation as to why it was not in their system. He assured me that it was all in order now & he apologized profusely for all the problems. I reported to my dad that it was supposedly now fixed - but added, don't hold your breath.

Three days later he didn't receive a paper. They called the automated phone line but no newspaper was delivered. The next morning no newspaper again. Now, I was full speed ahead ranting & called the newspaper AGAIN. The woman informed me that it had been cancelled due to lack of payment! What the fuck???? I was close to pulling my hair out but explained the entire situation again. She was very sorry & had no idea why it wasn't in their system & she assured me that it was now fixed. I asked her to please forgive me for not believing her since I've heard that before & asked to talk to a supervisor.

I waited 15 minutes on hold for the supervisor but at this point, I HAD to have my say. I gave her the Reader's Digest version of events & said they need to figure out what needs to be done to provide decent customer service. I added that if there was another choice of newspapers we would certainly try it.

She asked to explain what happened so I begrudgingly shut up & let her. She talked sooooooo s - l - o - w - l - y that I was ready to explode (& I'm sure my blood pressure was going up by the minute!) Her entire defense was that they give customers a 90 day grace period before canceling the newspaper & my dad's account hadn't been paid since December so his 90 days were up.

At that point, I was totally frustrated & forcefully said, "Let me interrupt you! I understand what you are saying. IF I had not paid for my dad's newspaper in 90 days, I would apologize profusely, thank you & say 'good-bye'. BUT I have entered the info online 3 times & called last week to give you the info again. So, please, just do me a favor, get your act (really meant shit) together & deliver my dad's newspaper. Good-bye."

BUT it wasn't over yet. Why am I not surprised? He received his paper for two days then this morning no newspaper. I called yet again & spoke to first a customer service rep & waited 20 minutes for another supervisor. Both of them kept apologizing every 30 seconds. I told both of them, "Stop apologizing! Your apologies mean nothing to me. JUST FIX IT!" I was AGAIN assured it would be fixed this time without another apology.

I have the supervisor's name & call sign plus the name of a manager who will receive a scathing letter regarding their maddening customer service. Would you believe that ALL of the managers were in a meeting & couldn't take my call? Right, neither did I. If my dad's credit card is not charged tomorrow morning, I will try stopping service in his name then starting it in my name. If that doesn't work, I'm contacting Call Kurtis, a local TV consumer problem solver! This WILL get fixed!

Don't mess with Gaga!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

In just a few hours I will be 65 years old.....SIXTY-FIVE!!! I am still trying to wrap my brain around that fact. I'm not complaining, mind you, just trying to figure out how the hell it happened? It sure doesn't seem like I have been on this planet anywhere near that long.

I certainly don't feel even close to being a 65 year old but yet I am now eligible for every senior discount known to man. It was kind of fun to join AARP when I turned 50. The age of 55 brought the first phase of senior discounts...Woo Hoo! When I turned 60, then 62 more & more discounts were added. Now, there ain't no one telling me that I'm not eligible for any senior discount!  Virtually every restaurant, tour or attraction that offers a discount for old folks will be available to me!

Although there are many instances in which I have to act my age, such as taking care of my dad, solving problems or making sure life runs relatively smoothly, there are still times when I refuse to act like a grown up. For instance, I still wear my hair long & curly even if it is out of style for an old lady. I like to paint my fingernails crazy, bright colors & do one a different color. Just this morning I knocked a scab off my arm while at the store (why is it that you touch something at this age & are either bleeding or bruised?) & the only band-aid I had in my purse was a "Frozen" one. No one asked why a 65 year old woman was wearing an Elsa band-aid on her arm while shopping.

I love taking walks with my three year old granddaughter, Charley (that's why the "Frozen" band-aids). If she gets tired she just sits down in the driveway when it is time to rest & I join her. Examining wild flowers, throwing rocks in the creek or just laying flat on our bellies watching the water trickle by are amazingly fun activities. Even if my body creaks a little getting up & down, she certainly keeps me young at heart!

I find great solace in the fact that people often tell me I don't look anywhere near my age. Thank you all very much! My grandmother looked & acted "old" when she was 50. Geez, I just realized that it has been 15 years since I was 50....honestly, it doesn't seem possible that this much time has passed in my life. It just boggles my mind.

If there is one piece of advice I would offer to younger women it is to appreciate that you are beautiful & vibrant at whatever age you are now. Don't worry about a few pounds or messed up hair & make-up. I look back at photos from 30, 20 or even 15 years ago & think, "Shit, I looked damn good!" But I never thought that or believed it at the time. I'm trying to keep the mindset that I will look back at current photos when I'm 80 & think, "Damn, I did look pretty good for an old broad!"

With all of my father's medical issues these past 10 years, his move last year up near us & all the stress I've been under dealing with his life, I've neglected my own health & well being. Fortunately, he is improving & is making headway to get back to where he was two years ago. He will always need my help & a live-in caregiver but hopefully it will be minimal compared to the past few years.

So, with all that in mind I've decided to make a Birthday Resolution (kind of like a New Year's Resolution but on my birthday). I resolve to put me first & take better care of myself this coming year. I resolve to eat better, exercise more, lose some weight & drink less wine (well.....maybe). And I also resolve to not beat myself up if I don't always do a great job of it. :-)

Traveling is still a passion that I share with Lou & our list of places to visit just keeps getting longer. In fact, he is taking me to East Brother Lighthouse Bed & Breakfast in the middle of San Francisco Bay (accessible only by boat) tomorrow night for my birthday. Part of the adventure is the climb up a vertical ladder 4 - 12 feet (depending on the tide) from a bobbing boat while carrying your overnight bag. Look for photos & a trip report soon on my Travels Near & Far blog: www.kat-silver.blogspot.com.

Finally, I read a quote a few years back that I printed, framed & hung on the wall right above my computer. It reads:

                        "Don't regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

I will do my best to embrace the remainder of my 60s & my 70s & my 80s & my 90s if I should be so lucky to reach them all. The wrinkles, jiggly skin & sagging boobs be damned! BRING IT ON!

HUSBAND SUPER STORE

Okay, I've been working on a blog post titled "The Minds of Men". It is being written with the utmost love in my heart for the men in my life as I try to make sense of the way they think. In all fairness, I decided that before I posted that story, I should give the men a little more insight into us women. 

This joke that I saved years ago sums it up pretty well. It always brings a chuckle to my lips each time I read it. Hey, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves if we are going to laugh at others, right? Here it goes.

HUSBAND SUPER STORE

Recently, a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to
choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with
the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD
to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go
back down except to leave the building, never to return. A couple of girlfriends 

went to the Super Store to find some husbands......

FIRST FLOOR

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job
or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

SECOND FLOOR
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But I wonder
what's further up?"

THIRD FLOOR
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women,
"Very Tempting." But there was yet another floor, so further up they went.

FOURTH FLOOR
This door had a sign saying, "These men have high paying jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a
strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what
must be awaiting us further on." So up to the fifth floor they went.

FIFTH FLOOR
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only
to prove that women are fucking impossible to please. The exit is to your
left."

A LITTLE HELP, LADIES!

Okay, ladies, I need some help here. Will someone please tell me how you shave your legs in the shower? I am a bath person – always have been & always will be. I love settling into a hot bath tub & relaxing into the soothing warmth. There is no way that I can ease into a steaming bath without a smile on my face & letting a satisfied “Ahhhhh” escape from my lips.

I literally only shower when there isn't a bath tub available. That was the case on our recent Caribbean cruise. If you've been on a cruise, you know that you have a really small shower & that's it, unless, of course, you can afford a suite which certainly isn't in our budget. The thing that I cannot figure out is how to easily shave my legs while standing up in the shower.

If I try to bend over to lather up & shave them, I get my hair wet. If it's not a hair wash day, I don't want to do that. More importantly I can't wear my glasses in the shower without them steaming up so I couldn't shave my legs anyway when I can't see what the hell I'm doing. If I try to lift a leg to lather up & shave, I run the risk of slipping or losing my balance which could be disastrous. This ship had a bar in the corner about a foot off the ground which I'm sure was there to rest your foot while shaving.

But I still have the problem of fogged up glasses or not being able to see what I'm doing if my glasses get wet. For these reasons, I tend to cut myself every time I try to shave my legs in the shower. With the water running down my body it can easily resemble that famous shower scene from the movie, Psycho.

It is so civilized to lay back in the tub, lift one leg a few inches out of the water, lather up, leisurely shave & then do the other. That is most definitely my favorite way to tend to the task of keeping my legs semi-smooth. Plus I can never stay warm once I turn off the shower even in tropical climates. It seems that the hot bath water permeates my whole body keeping me all toasty long after I've stepped out & dried off. In the shower I’m shaking & shivering before I can dry off.

Trying to be creative, I've put a towel on the floor, sat down & used the hand-held shower to shave & rinse, but that still isn't easy & looks pretty silly. I figured there must be a better way. As an alternative, I've tried putting my foot into the sink then using the faucet to rinse the razor & my leg. It sort of works but at 64 years old, this body isn't nearly as flexible as it once was (or maybe it never really was all that flexible) which makes it pretty tough.

On this cruise, I tried that one evening & almost couldn't get my foot out of the sink. I had to raise it a few inches higher to get it over the edge of the sink. After several minutes of being stretched while I shaved, my hip was NOT ready to move that leg higher still. Fortunately, I managed to grab my foot & tug on it enough to get it back down on the floor.

So, that brings me back to my first question. How in the world do you all do it? What am I missing when it comes to leg shaving in the shower? I know that the majority of women do it that way & I figure there must be a trick. Please, share with me what it is. I am awaiting your words of wisdom & expert tutelage. 

MOVIE NIGHT

What type of movies do you enjoy? I like movies that either make me feel good or make me think or make me laugh. And if it is too violent for children, it’s too violent for me. I don’t mind bad language or a little sex in movies but I’m not a fan of anything scary, dark or intense. I much prefer to watch a movie for a little fun escapism from daily life.

The other day I wondered what would be my top five favorite movies? I didn’t put any genres on them, new or old, comedy or drama. Just write down the first five that came to mind. Surprisingly, it was remarkably easy. I do apparently have five favorite flicks. Oddly enough, they are all over the spectrum. So, in no particular order here are my top five favorite movies of all time. What are yours?

1. Bridges of Madison County

I know, I know. This is a real chick flick but, oh, how I love this movie. To me, it was so thought provoking on so many levels depending on where I was in my life. The love story of Francesca & Robert over three days that lasted a lifetime is enthralling. When Lou & I visited Iowa, I HAD to see the real Bridges of Madison County…..and I wasn’t alone. Other women there were wandering around in awe & the men were thinking, “What the hell is this about?”

2. The Big Chill

Being a product of the 60s, this movie talks to me. I love all the quirky characters. I can’t imagine “loaning” my husband to one of my best friends to conceive a child for her. But the camaraderie of friends with a history is appealing & this movie has a fantastic soundtrack! My favorite scene is when they are all putting food away after dinner, clearing the table & loading the dishwasher while dancing around the kitchen to “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations.

3. Rainman

I’ve been a fan of Tom Cruise ever since he strutted & lip-synced to “Old Time Rock ‘n Roll” in his skivvies in Risky Business (although he has gotten a little weird lately). It was the offbeat storyline & the relationship that developed between autistic Charlie Babbit & his brother Raymond on a cross country trip that drew me into this feel good film.

4. Beverly Hills Cop

This has to be one of the best comedies in forever. It showcases the talents of Eddie Murphy perfectly! The supporting cast was wonderful, too – I loved Taggert & Rosewood. My son & I watched this movie many, many times. He had the entire thing memorized & would do every character flawlessly along with Axel Foley. The scene where Axel is getting the Beverly Hills Hotel clerk to give him a room is hysterical.

5. Sunset Boulevard

This old black & white film starring Gloria Swanson & William Holden is captivating. Who can forget the immortal line of fading silent movie star Norma Desmond saying, “I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille?” There are so many things that were ahead of its time – such as an older woman taking a younger lover. The over the top acting that was part of a bygone era really add to the overall effect of this classic.