A LIFE WELL LIVED

My father, Ronald Bray, passed away a week ago just a couple months shy of his 90th birthday. Everyone loved my father & no one had a bad word to say about him. He had a wonderful sense of humor, was an avid sports fan & a genuinely good person. He was a great fast pitch softball pitcher, a self taught golfer, a tennis player &, boy, did he love his cars!

His health had suffered in the past 20 years beginning with a brain stem stroke at age 69. Most people die from those but my dad recovered, drove again & accepted his limitations. Five years later he had back surgery & contracted MRSA. I remember the surgeon telling him, "Worst case we will stop your problem where it is." That wasn't the worst case at all, after the second surgery to combat the MRSA, he never walked without a walker again. But he never complained.

A few years later he was diagnosed with Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus necessitating brain surgery to insert a shunt into his brain that drained into his abdomen. Not long after that a cellulitis infection ultimately caused his left foot to be partially amputated. That was a three year ordeal that finally healed thanks to a wonderful podiatrist with faith. All this time my father accepted his limited abilities & the fact that he needed live in care. His brain still functioned well & he was pretty sharp until this past year. Even then he wasn't really bad just not himself anymore.

The final thing that got him somewhat down was needing a catheter all the time. He really didn't like that but it was a fact of his life. I was always amazed at what he went through & just kept plugging along. He was always willing to share a glass of wine with me & watch some sports. I called him the Energizer Bunny - he kept going & going. With similar limitations, I would have likely been throwing things & screaming but he never once seemed to let it get to him.

The interesting thing is that what ultimately got him was a massive heart attack. There was never a hint of heart disease until about a year ago & it was really minor. We had been to a cardiologist twice & both times he said it looks good, come back in six months.

Last Sunday afternoon his caregivers stepped out for 20 minutes (which was perfectly fine) & returned to find him on the floor not breathing. The caregiver & paramedics performed CPR & got him to the ER. Lou & I headed out immediately. When we arrived he was being kept alive with machines which we knew my father did not want at all. I was able to spend about 15 minutes holding his hand & talking to him. There was no indication that he knew I was there BUT I am choosing to believe on some level he knew. I then told the doctor to remove the tube & he breathed for another 10 minutes before leaving this world.

I was so grateful to be with him during his last minutes on earth. We visited him that morning & he seemed perfectly fine. It is comforting to know that he only suffered maybe a minute or two at most & then was unconscious. Yes, it was shocking that it happened so quickly but, honestly, what better way to leave this life?

He knew that I was okay after my hip replacement surgery. I had seen him three times in the ten days since surgery - I made a point of letting him see that I was making progress & starting to recover. I understood that I was HIS kid having surgery & I knew how I felt when MY kid was having surgery just a few months ago.

I can honestly say, I don't have a single regret - not one. I did everything I could for my father these past 15 years. I kept my promise to do everything in my power to keep him out of a nursing home. I was there for him up until the end. On the drive back home, literally only two hours after the initial phone call, I felt a real sense of relief & peace that he was no longer suffering. Of course, I have had my moments when something will trigger some tears through the smiles, but it is all good stuff. Sure, I miss him. Not a day goes by that I don't think, "Oh, I need to remember to tell my dad that."

In a few days I will share what my sister, my son & I came up with as bit of a tribute & maybe a sort of legacy to honor the type of man my father was in this world. He was a special man & I am honored to be his daughter.