AIRPORT SECURITY

Most of you know that as of July 17, 2018, I have a new, rather large piece of surgically implanted metal where my right hip used to be. I have flown to New Mexico twice since my artificial hip joint has been in place. In years past doctors used to give you a card stating that you had a metal joint & would set off the metal detectors. With today's technology they no longer issue those cards since anyone can print one up on their computer then theoretically hide a weapon where their hip should be. I haven't a clue how you would do that without looking like you had strapped a gun to your side.

Both times they directed me toward the x-ray/scanner machine. You know the drill, hands above your head, feet apart & don't breathe. Every single time the screen shows that my right knee has metal but nothing shows up on my right hip - which is metal. This makes no sense whatsoever. Then a woman TSA agent has to come feel my knee & tell me, "You're fine. Go ahead." If I happen to have on a top with some sparkles on it those show up, too. A quick swipe of my shoulder also has them telling me to go ahead.

This is nuts but I know the drill - how else are we going to keep the friendly skies safe? Okay, this past trip I had to change planes in San Diego. We arrived at Gate 3 & my next flight left from Gate 1. Score! It's a simple, quick, close by walk. Since I left in the early, early morning, I was starving when I arrived & found a couple of breakfast options. I chose the $17 eggs, bacon & potatoes. Airport prices are ridiculous!

With a full tummy, I saw that Gate 4 was to my left  & Gate 3 in front of me, so I headed right looking for Gate 1. There was a small sign with an arrow pointing down a hallway for Gates 1, 1A & 2. I asked a gate agent where Gate 1 was located & was told I needed to go out through security, walk past the ticket counters & go back through security to Gate 1. What the hell?

I had about half an hour before my flight boarded. As I approached the security line, I saw that it was fairly long. But I had "TSA Pre". If you travel you know that means you are expedited through security & don't have to remove your shoes, your jacket, your quart bag of liquids, your electronics & Lord know what else from your carry on bag. BUT there was no sign for the TSA Pre line. Knowing the answer, I asked anyway, "Do you have a TSA Pre line?" The agent replied, "No, but here is a card that will help." The bright pink card read, "You may keep your shoes on during the screening."

Finally reaching the x-ray machine, I was told that I had to remove all my electronics. my quart bag & anything else that might set off the metal detector.....BUT I could keep my shoes on! Not at all prepared I found my phone, my Kindle, my quart bag, my other Kindle & put them in a bin to be screened. Then I remembered to tell them I have an artificial hip. I was told to step over to the x-ray scanning machine. I waited & I waited for a female agent to appear.

Once again, the machine said my knee had metal, not my hip. Trying to keep an eye on my belongings off to the side I told the male agent, "I don't care if you feel my knee," to which he replied, "I can't by law. It has to be a woman." Finally the woman arrives, does her cursory feeling of my knee, which is fine, but she also says that my right foot shows metal. WTF??? I remove my right shoe & she feels my foot. She declares it is fine but my shoe has to go back through the metal detector.

At this point, the agent working the machine says, "Whose bag is this?" It was my carry on, of course. He opens it & finds my full reusable water bottle. Having already gone through security in Sacramento, I filled up my water bottle & forgot about it. He says, "You have to go back through security & empty it." I replied, "I only have one shoe since she is checking the other one. And my flight is boarding in like five minutes." I considered playing the hip replacement card & limping laboriously toward him but decided against it. My patience was wearing thin but I know better than to argue with them. I asked if he could just go empty it for me but he said I had to be with him.

By now, I'm trying to gather my electronics, my quart bag, my carry on bag, find my shoe & make sure I still have everything I started with. Suddenly I spotted my shoe on the conveyor belt, apparently it had passed inspection & wasn't equipped with God knows what to take down the plane. I turned & the agent had apparently taken pity on me & emptied my water bottle since he returned the empty bottle to me & said, "Have a nice flight."

I took a deep breath, put my shoe back on, took inventory of all my stuff & sat down. Two minutes later they started boarding my flight. I think I will avoid changing planes in San Diego from now on.