A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON CHRISTMAS

Have you ever looked at a decorated Christmas tree, from underneath it, through the eyes of a three year old? Me, neither…until last week.

I arrived for my weekly Charley visit at their home near Auburn.  Due to a nasty cold that I did NOT want to pass on to anyone, I had missed the previous week’s visit. This was the first time I had seen their Christmas tree. As Charley & her mom greeted me at the door with hugs, I noticed the tree in the living room.

“Oh, wow!” I exclaimed, “There’s your Christmas tree!!”

“NO…NO…GAGA!!  STOP…NO!” Charley hollered at me holding out her arms to block my entrance into the room.

I immediately stopped, stepped back & said, “Okay, okay. What? What did I do?”

“Mommy, turn on the lights. Turn on the lights!” Charley didn’t want me to see the tree until the lights were on to get the full effect.

Mommy plugged in the lights & I was now free to gush over their beautifully decorated Christmas tree. Charley laid on her back & scooted under the tree which was about 15 inches above the floor. She then commanded me to join her, “Gaga, you do it, too. Lay down here.”

Gaga is usually game for most anything that Charley wants me to do although some things do require a little modification for Gaga’s limited flexibility & age limitations. J  But this was tame compared to some of Charley’s requests so I laid down on the ground & scooted up beside her under the tree.

You know what? It really was pretty cool looking up through the branches with the lights glowing & ornaments reflecting the lights. It was a totally new perspective on viewing a decorated tree that I had never experienced in my 64 years! And, I’ll be darned if my three year old granddaughter didn’t show it to me.

A couple weeks prior to that day I watched Charley at my dad’s house for several hours while her mom hosted a book party for her Barefoot Books business. Charley’s Auntie Masha is taking care of my dad (AKA Pop) & my sister, Karen (AKA Zizi), was coming to visit also. I had put up my dad’s little artificial tree & decorated it the day before but I saved the string of lights to put up around two walls of his house for everyone to help.

Charley helped me pull them from the box & untangle the strings. Auntie Masha was on the ladder draping them over the curtain rods & Zizi was on the back of the couch thumbtacking them to the wall. I looked over & Charley was also on the back of the couch holding the string for Zizi. What a great little helper!

The finished product was actually quite breathtaking. All of the lights & the tree were plugged into an extension cord in the outlet which is controlled by a wall switch. I showed Charley how to turn them all on & off with one flick of the switch…which she did many, many times. Now, it is her job to turn on Pop’s Christmas lights when she comes to visit.

Christmas through the eyes of a three year old is an enlightening experience. It has been more than 25 years since we’ve had a child to help us celebrate & it puts a whole new twist on the holiday. I love it!

SLEEPLESS IN SACRAMENTO

I can’t possibly be the only person with this problem, can I? It can be 10:30 PM, I’m watching a TV show that I really enjoy (Nashville, The Good Wife) & I’m falling asleep on the couch. I mean I literally can’t keep my eyes open. I go upstairs to bed, lay down & I am instantly wide awake. I don’t go to sleep for an hour or more. It’s crazy!

Or I know that I should get at least 7-8 hours sleep (even though I function perfectly well on 5-6 hours). So, I go to bed at 11:30 PM figuring I’ll get some good sleep since I’ve got a nasty cold right now only to still be wide awake at 1:00 AM. Damn it! That’s what happened tonight, which is exactly the reason that I am up writing this at nearly 1:30 AM.

Pretty much all of my adult life, I have had difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. Apparently my grandmother suffered from the same thing years ago & my sister sometimes has similar sleep issues. We comment that we sleep well about every third night. It even seems that my Charley Ellen doesn’t fall asleep quickly or easily. Guess it is something that runs in the family. It kind of makes you want to just slap those people who are asleep two minutes after their heads hit the pillow.

I know that once I had Darrin my sleep patterns changed dramatically. Prior to his birth, I think someone could have torn down the house around me & I’d have slept through it. Since then, my child turning over & sighing would wake me up! Once that nurturing gene kicks in I don’t think a woman gets many nights of sound sleep again. It doesn’t seem to matter that Darrin will be 39 in a few months & has been out of the house for 18+ years!

The sleeplessness really began to surface 24 years ago when my mother was dying of cancer, my dad was in denial of what was happening & my 14 year old son was losing his beloved grandmother. I was doing my damndest to hold it all together. My sleep diminished to barely a few hours a night. I would toss & turn. I would tell myself I needed to sleep if I was going to handle this. Yet I would lay awake night after night. After her death the wide awake nights continued. Finally I simply gave myself permission to lay awake all night if that is what I needed to do. It didn’t change the fact that I needed more sleep but it sure was a powerful path to acceptance.

Lou & I watched part of a two hour show on PBS the other night called “Sleepless in America”. It tried to find answers as to why much of America doesn’t get the required sleep necessary to function efficiently. There was one relatively quick point that pretty much explained my predicament. The narrator said that there are some people whose brains simply don’t turn off at night allowing them to get the sleep they need.

That is exactly my problem! Although I’m not too upset about it because I often come up with amazing ideas & perfect solutions to problems or issues at 3 AM. My brain just kicks into gear & starts whirling around with all kinds of thoughts. I’d say that maybe twice a year I will sleep through the entire night without awakening to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I can go back to sleep fairly quickly but many times I lay back down &, bam, the thoughts start coming fast & furious. Yep, my brain just doesn’t turn off at night!

This isn’t something new, it has happened to me for 20+ years that I’m aware of….& I’ve come to think of it as a blessing rather than a curse. You wouldn’t believe the things that pop into my head in the middle of the night. Solutions just seem to materialize out of nowhere. And consequently, I’ve solved a shit-load of problems with my overactive brain.

So, please, how many of you have similar middle of the night, can’t sleep issues? I know there are a few of you because I see Facebook posts at 3:17 AM. As much as I’d love to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night, that just ain’t in the cards for me. But I figure it’s served me pretty well so far. And now, here it is 1:54 AM.

Oh, well, there is an old Bon Jovi song titled, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”. Sounds like a plan!

LET IT GO

There is an amazing phenomenon sweeping our nation – little girls are obsessed with the Disney animated movie “FROZEN”. Even though the movie was released a year ago, it is still going strong. Stores are overloaded with "FROZEN" merchandise. The Academy Award winning song “Let It Go” sung by Idina Menzel has little girls breaking into song at the drop of a hat.

The movie & the song are such powerful messages for young girls (& women of all ages). You are strong, you are capable & you are amazing just as you are. After trying to be the perfect girl hiding her powers of freezing things for years Elsa is finally letting it go & being herself. “It’s time to see what I can do. To test the limits & break through.” What an inspiration for girls everywhere. Even if you don’t have children, I highly recommend watching the movie.

My granddaughter, Charley, is one of "FROZEN'S" biggest fans. I’ve watched the DVD with her three times so far – she knows many of the lines & sings along with all of the songs. She just turned three years old & she literally knows all of the words to “Let It Go”. And it is not an easy song to learn. I downloaded it & listened to it at least 20 times on the ride into my dad’s a few months ago in order to learn the lyrics.

Charley will suddenly start singing out of the blue –

“The snow glows white on the mountain tonight.

Not a footprint to be seen.

A kingdom of isolation.

And it looks like I’m the queen.”

She’ll walk around the house & really get animated as she stomps her foot, spreads her arms wide & sings at the top of her lungs –

“Here I stand in the light of day.

Let the storm RAGE....O-N-N-N-N-N!

The cold never bothered me anyway.”

My Charley is not alone. The other day in the grocery store, I suddenly became aware of a little voice singing, “Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore.” I looked around & there she was, about 4-5 years old sitting in the shopping cart just singing away while her daddy picked out tomatoes! There is a precious video making the rounds on social media of a dark-haired little girl in her car seat singing the entire song with her daddy joining in.

Last night I picked up Charley & her parents at the airport after spending Thanksgiving in New Mexico with Allison’s family. Charley requested “Let It Go” on the car CD player. She & I sang along with it in the back while the “adults” chatted in the front seat. Here’s a little secret for you – I can’t sing worth a damn & THE ONLY place I will even attempt to sing is with my little sweetie.

My son, Darrin, is a pilot & he loves flying. Nothing fazes him in the air & I think in his opinion the bumpier the ride, the better. He related the story that there was a lot of turbulence on the flight so the pilots had the flight attendants take their seats, too.

Charley was listening to “Let It Go” on the iPad with her little pink headphones on just belting out the song as the plane bounced all around the sky! She wasn’t the least bit scared & hit all the notes with gusto! Darrin said they received several comments (I’m pretty sure they were all positive) from other passengers once they were all safely on the ground. Darrin said, “I just thought, that’s my girl!” There’s something special about little girls, daddies & “Let It Go”.

AIN'T THAT THE WAY

During my dad’s year long ordeal with a partial foot amputation & many hospitalizations, there were lots of times when things had to be done quickly. He had numerous surgeries & procedures, both inpatient & outpatient at several different hospitals.

Since I am the “DIC” – my terminology for Daughter In Charge – most of the planning, implementing & overseeing fell to me. During this time I had to go to my dad’s safe deposit box at his bank to retrieve his Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Wishes. About the third time of having to do this, I simply kept the papers at his house to make life a little easier for me. I noticed at the time that there was hardly anything left in the safe deposit box anymore & wondered if he should just get rid of it.

Time went on, the foot began slowly healing & suddenly my dad was totally on board with moving up here closer to us, Praise the Lord. The stress – physically, mentally & emotionally – was taking a toll on me but I knew there was an end in sight once the old house was sold, the new house purchased & he was moved.

A few weeks before the scheduled move I decided to go take everything out of the safe deposit box & close it out. I went into his bedroom where the keys are ALWAYS kept, hanging over the ear of a strange looking kangaroo figurine on his dresser. BUT they weren’t there. Both keys were on the same key ring with nothing else except the tag with the box number. I looked all over the top of the dresser, but no keys. Shit!

I knew I was the last one to use them when I took the Power of Attorney papers out sometime in the past six months. I pulled the dresser out, looked behind it – no keys. I was pretty sure that they were either in a purse I had used or the pocket of one of my jackets. I figured they had to turn up before long.

At home I pulled every old purse out of the closet & looked in each one with no luck finding the keys. Then I started checking jacket pockets – no keys. Shit, again! I knew it was totally my fault & told my dad that I would pay the cost of lost keys since I’m the one who didn’t put them back. In my defense, it was a crazy, hectic time….but still, my “bad” & no one else’s. My dad completey understood & said he would pay for it.

I went to the bank expecting maybe $25 per key, but was hit with an expensive surprise - $125 to drill out the lock (in mine & a bank employee’s presence)! I asked, “What if I don’t want anything left in the box?” All I could remember seeing was an expired passport & a couple of birth certificates which could easily be replaced if needed. Unfortunately, the only way to avoid the fee was to close all of his accounts, open new ones at another bank & just not pay the renewal fee. But that meant changing all kinds of automatic payments or deposits & getting new checks in the midst of the moving chaos. My dad said, “Just pay the damn money!”

The day before he moved I was at the bank to drill out the safe deposit box. It took all of about five minutes including some chit chat along the way. The pink slip for his car was about the only thing of value in the box & I’m betting that could have been replaced for a whole lot less than $125.

Anyway, it really irked me that they charged so much but my dad was okay & I had pretty much forgotten about it – until today. It was a chilly day so I grabbed a bright pink fleece jacket that I rarely wear but it matched the pink in my paisley top perfectly. As I put my hands in the pockets while walking into the store, guess what I found? Yep, the safe deposit box keys! Not sure how I missed checking that one, but I did. Shit!

LIKE GAGA, LIKE CHARLEY

My amazingly adorable three year old granddaughter, Charley, loves to line things up. It is almost like it is her job in life to make sure things are arranged in an orderly fashion. Anything & everything needs to be precisely placed in a line.

She will take every block out of the container & carefully set them in a long line on the carpet. This is always done one at a time. And she will walk all the way around the line of blocks to lay the next one in its proper place. It can take a fair amount of time to exactly place each item when the line is eight feet long.

I walked in their house the other day to find three rows of magazines, probably twenty in all, carefully lined up in perfect rows. If we do a puzzle, she will line up each piece as she removes it. Any toys with numerous parts will eventually be arranged in a straight line with careful precision.

She received a set of six small airplanes from the movie “Planes” for her birthday. The first thing she did was start lining them up on the couch. When I reached to straighten one a little, Charley said, “No, Gaga! Leave it!” She has her way of doing it & that is the way it is going to be. It is a cute little idiosyncrasy that we have all come to love & accept about her.

We just moved my dad up here closer to us a few weeks ago. Circumstances all came together which made Allison’s sister, Masha, available to care for my dad so she has moved in with him. Last week she purchased an exercise device. As she sat on the floor to assemble it, Masha took each part from the box setting it neatly on the floor, she looked at me & said, “I feel like Charley.”

The next day as I was organizing my dad’s kitchen cabinets, I suddenly realized something. I was carefully lining up his glasses in the cupboard. The small ones on the right, medium in the middle & large to the left – all in neat rows. Our cupboards at home are arranged exactly that way with everything in its place.

As I thought about it I discovered quite a few interesting facts about myself.

I had carefully placed the liquid hand soap, sanitizer & lotion in a line on the sink with the pumps all facing the same direction.

When I was eating a handful of pretzel sticks at my dad’s, I purposely placed them all in a line on the napkin.

Although I don’t mind a little clutter & many things (my desk, for instance) may appear disorganized & haphazard looking, I do know exactly where things are. But as I continued to observe my various little peculiarities regarding placement of things I found more examples.

I have a rack on the kitchen wall that holds nine coffee mugs. Each mug has its own hook according to size or color & I ALWAYS put them back the same way. When Lou empties the dishwasher & puts my mugs in the “wrong” place, I compulsively change them back.

When I was working at Stiles in Travel, there was always a jar of M & Ms available. If I took a handful, I invariable lined them up according to color then would proceed to eat them one at a time keeping the rows even.

What suddenly dawned on me a few days ago was – Oh…My…God…Charley must get this little quirk of precisely lining things up from me! And I don't mind one little bit. J

Like Gaga, Like Charley.

IT'S ALL PART OF THE ADVENTURE

You know how some times things just all come together for a great day? Things aren’t necessarily all easy or perfect but at the end of the day, you have a warm fuzzy feeling. Yesterday was one of those for me.

It began with me in at my dad’s. We had plans to bring him up to Sacramento for a family pool party at our house. He hadn’t seen Darrin, Allison or Charley in several months due to all his medical issues with the partial foot amputation. This was his first big social outing & his new caregiver, Nancy, rode along with us since it is not easy to maneuver him around.

This was also the first time most of the family would meet Darrin & Allison’s exchange student, Eva, here from Spain. And of course, the star of the show, our adorable little Charley Ellen, would be there. Charley has some new “floaties” that allow her to go all over the pool by herself. She has turned into a real little swimmer!

Lou had kept the cover on which made the pool a wonderfully warm 87 degrees & the weather was in the low 90s – perfect for swimming! My dad sat in the shade with a beer & watched while visiting with a couple of the non-swimmers. We had a hard time getting Charley out of the pool for lunch but she finally complied.

Awhile ago I had made brownies for dessert when Charley & family were over here. She loves her sweets, especially chocolate which made them a big hit. The next time they were over she finished her meal & looked at me exclaiming, “Brownie!” I had to explain that I didn’t make brownies this time & placated her with some ice cream. This time when she asked I had brownies for dessert!

Our sliding glass door to the backyard hasn’t worked properly for years but Lou & I know to only slide it to about ½” from fully closed since his family had been locked outside once a long time ago while we were on vacation. It is hard to move & when you slide it shut hard, the latch can move forward. Well, my sister didn’t know that & came back outside muscling the door closed. I’m sure you all know what is coming next – I went to go in the house & couldn’t budge the door. Uh, oh, locked out – & we were all outside.

Lou, Steve & Darrin tried to lift the heavy door out of the track to no avail. They all tried various ideas but nothing worked. Finally Darrin made an announcement, “The real problem here is that the beer is inside & we are all outside.” Leave it to my son to properly analyze the situation!

My father says, “We’re not really locked out, are we?” My sister replied, “Yes. We are.”

Fortunately, Lou had the lock off the gate so we could get to the front door BUT we had diligently locked it after everyone arrived. We had our backup plan to call his dad who has an opener for our garage. I did have my phone outside with his number in it since neither Lou nor I have it memorized. Finally, Lou was able to get the side window out of its track & climb in through that. Nova, our cat, was sleeping below the window & looked up at him like, “What the hell?” We now had access to the beer, bathrooms & a cool house for those tired of the heat.  It’s all part of the adventure! J

Meanwhile Charley was back in the pool with her mom but everyone was heading inside. I said, “Let’s go inside, Sweetie,” she replied, “Not right now.” Finally, I tried a new tactic, saying, “Charley, will you come in & play with me? I really want to play with the toys.” She immediately said, “Okay,” & started for the pool steps.

I drove my dad back to his house arriving about 5 PM. He was tired but had a wonderful day. I’m guessing that he thanked me at least five times for taking him up to Sacramento. I had driven him 100 miles up here, 100 miles back & decided to rest for 20 minutes then hop in my car & drive home – 100 miles, again! Fortunately, the Sunday traffic was all going the opposite way back to the Bay Area. After a stop at Mickey D’s, I was back home, yet again, by 7:30 PM.

These types of days are ones that just soothe my soul. Everyone had a great visit. I slept better than I’ve slept in ages. We have a fun story to tell about being locked out of the house. Plus I get to see my Charley two more times this week! It doesn’t get much better.

EVOLUTION OF THE CLICKER

The other night as we were watching the Giants game, Lou had the TV/satellite remote in his hand. He wasn’t changing the channel or looking through the guide, just watching the ball game. There seems to be some sort of innate power that is gained from having control of the clicker! Often times in our household, the remote is placed on the center couch cushion between us. That way it is available to either of us if we want to see what’s on later or flick to another show during a commercial.

It started me thinking about the almighty remote control. I grew up in an era when you had to physically get up out of your chair, walk over to the black & white TV & turn the dial to change the station. There were only a few channels available for our viewing pleasure which made it pretty simple.

Now, there are literally hundreds of stations at our disposal. Bruce Springsteen wrote a song years ago with the title, “57 Channels & Nothin’ On”. Now, that line is obsolete since even the basic cable package contains more than 57 choices, but the sentiment still rings true. How many times have you flicked through double or triple that number of stations & been unable to find anything to watch? 

I enjoy the remote control device as much as the next person but why is it that most men get a hold of that thing & simply click through every single one of the channels pausing for maybe two seconds on each station before moving on? My father is the worst at that & it drives me crazy! I think the only reason cable or satellite companies give us 200 stations is so that the channel surfers won’t get bored.

I recall visiting my then in-laws back in the early 1970s. They were proud as punch of their new remote control device for their TV. It had three rectangular buttons on it, that’s all – just three. One turned it on & off. The second controlled the volume & the third changed the channels. You had to scroll through the channels & if you missed what you wanted to watch, you had to go through them again. Of course, we only had about 6 or 8 channels at most so it didn’t take long. Same with the volume – it just got louder & louder until it started over really softly.

I can remember thinking, “How ridiculous! They can’t even get up off their butts to change the channel on the TV?” It didn’t make a bit of sense to me how people could be so lazy that they couldn’t walk a few steps to turn the channel. I can only imagine the confused stares you would get from kids today if you related stories of TVs without remotes.

Our first VCR (about 25 – 30 years ago) had a remote with a long cord that attached it to the device. You could sit on the couch & control the machine but had to be careful not to trip anyone walking across the room. The thing was the size of a suitcase & weighed about 20 pounds. Today’s DVD players are tiny by comparison. And we even have DVRs now that don’t use a tape or a disc. I’m just now learning about “downloading” & “streaming” things to our TV or even my smart phone! I’m pretty sure it is all done with smoke & mirrors.

When I play my yoga DVDs on the TV it requires THREE different remotes to control the BluRay player, change the input & adjust the TV settings. Our remote caddy has six of the little devices lined up in it – SIX! Each remote has an average of 55 buttons (I just counted them J). Gone are the days when remotes had three push buttons. Who knew you would need an electronics degree to operate your home entertainment system in the 21^st century!

I can sort of keep up with the new technology but I feel sorry for my 85 year old father. I have spent countless hours trying to teach him to use the remote. His cable system requires him to punch in three numbers to get his HD channels, such as 7-0-3. The poor man has a terrible time doing it fast enough while keeping it pointed at the TV. He inevitably screws it up, THEN he just starts pushing buttons to fix it. I try to tell him to no avail, there isn’t just ONE button that will magically fix it. BUT can you imagine the millions you would make if you could invent a “fix it” button?

FRIDAY THE 13TH & A FULL MOON

According to the San Francisco Giants announcer, Jon Miller, the combination of a full moon on Friday the 13th won’t happen again for 35 years!  That is just fine with me. I’m not particularly superstitious BUT I do know that people (drivers in particular) do a lot of weird stuff during a full moon. This double whammy last Friday had me going “Whoa!”, as Charley & I say when we lift up the ears on her stuffed Snoopy.

I awoke as any day on Friday, June 13^th. I called my father as usual but felt the urge to sneeze just as we were ending the call. I quickly said good-bye, turned slightly & let out a healthy sneeze. At that point my back almost exploded! I knew it was bad within seconds & uttered a few emphatic expletives which prompted Lou to come in saying what’s wrong. When you’ve lived 64 years with various back issues you know when it is NOT good.

It took me about a minute to get up off the chair. I literally could not move for a short while. As I slowly made my way to the freezer for the ice pack followed by the bathroom for several ibuprophen, I was royally pissed off! Those of you who have suffered with lower back problems understand the anger & frustration that immediately takes hold when you realize that you will be miserable for days. Not to mention that comfort, sleeping & your daily routine are shot to hell.

About that time, my sister, Karen, who is the expert on back problems (far worse than mine), called to say she was sitting beside the road with a truck that crapped out & wouldn’t move. Her husband had come over from work but couldn’t get it going. She was waiting for the tow truck. So far the Friday the 13th/full moon combination was two for two & it wasn’t even 9 AM.

Later that evening as I lay on the floor with ice on my back & Karen's conked out truck sat in the garage, we watched our Giants blow a lead in the 9th inning that could only be explained by the Friday the 13th/full moon combo. That’s where we heard Jon Miller as he looked up the next similar event – 35 years away. Thank goodness!

We had plans to meet for lunch on Sunday at the facility where our dad is currently rehabbing from a partial foot amputation. It was Father’s Day so his two daughters were going to bring him a Taco Bell lunch, visit & do our best to make it an okay Father’s Day given the circumstances.

BUT she had no wheels to make the 100 mile drive from her house to Danville. I had wheels but was nursing a back that was spasming like crazy as I decided whether to make the 100 mile drive from my house.

In the end I decided to suck it up & drive in. If this ended up being his last Father’s Day on this earth, I figured I couldn’t live with myself if I let him spend it alone in a rehab facility. Armed with my ice pack & a back brace off I went. My plan was to stop every half hour to walk around & stretch a bit. That last leg both ways was a bit tough but I survived.

I’m not really sure whether my dad cared that much that I was there. But he enjoyed his enchirito, taco & beans. And I know that whatever happens, I made the effort to spend Father’s Day with him leaving me with a clear conscious.

This is now Day Six of my latest back escapade & it is finally feeling well enough to sit at my computer for the time it takes to write this. Thank God it only seems to happen this bad every few years. And I’m sure it wasn’t helped by my visit with Charley yesterday – physically, that is – mentally it was the best medicine!

"THIS IS LOU, MY...????"

In this day & age many couples are sharing a life together without the benefit of matrimony. It brings up an interesting question which I've often pondered. What do you call the man (or woman) who lives with you?

Boyfriend – I am in my 60s & am in a long term, live in, committed relationship. Calling Lou my “boyfriend” just sounds like someone I started dating a few months ago.

Partner – I know that “partner” is the term of choice for many unwed couples but it sounds more like a business relationship to me. You could easily refer to someone you just opened a restaurant with & have no intention of sleeping with as a “partner”, too.

Life Partner – So, by adding the word “life” to “partner”, it is supposed to somehow negate the business end of it. But “life partner” sort of sounds a little like a new age, this is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, kind of thing.

Mate – Just sounds too much like an Australian buddy for my tastes.

Significant Other – The Urban Dictionary defines “significant other” as follows: “Your mate, spouse, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, steady and/or lover. Used when you don't want to be too specific, or when the details are nobody's business.” That pretty much covers it!

POSSLQ – A term supposedly coined by the U.S. Census Bureau that just went a bit too far is “posslq” (pronounced “possil cue”) which stand for “Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters”. That is just plain silly. Come on, really?

Spousal Equivalent – I first heard this one mentioned by Joy Behar, formerly of The View. Apparently she lived with her “spousal equivalent” for 29 years before finally marrying him. I loved her quote when asked why, she replied, “After a honeymoon for 29 years, we decided to ruin it & get married.”

Lover – That might have been okay back when we were star-crossed “lovers” but after almost 13 years together, no one is really interested in our sex lives. I see no reason to broadcast that fact to everyone whom I introduce to Lou.

Other Half – I do tend to use this one once in awhile since it gives a somewhat endearing term without specifically stating whether marriage or co-habitating is involved.

Husband – We often call each other “husband” & “wife”. After all we are in this for life & we have made the same commitment to each other that every married couple does, just not in the eyes of the law. We wear rings on the third fingers of our left hands & I like to say that we are married in our hearts.

It's just that neither one of us wants to get married. We are together because we choose to be together each day, not because a piece of paper says we are legally bound to each other. Being a product of the 1960s I still have enough of that “rebel” mindset in me to defy the normal traditions. So far, we both continue to enjoy our unwedded bliss.

But this all puts me back to square one – what do I call Lou? More often than not, when I introduce him to someone, I simply say, “Lou, this is so & so. So & so, this is Lou.” Since we tend to hold hands a lot & it’s probably obvious that we are a couple, I’ll let them draw their own conclusions.

Anyone have any other suggestions?

FUNCTIONAL ADULT

A friend of mine recently posted a quote on Facebook that really spoke to me: “Pretending to be a functional adult is exhausting!” Just read the following account & you’ll see why. J

Since the inception of my blogging, I have resisted bringing the fact that I am a family caregiver for my father into my writing. I’ve wanted my blogging to be uplifting, amusing, sarcastic & just plain fun.  Caring for an elderly parent isn’t something that you would think usually falls into any of those categories.

BUT when you really think about it, the truth is that every single one of those things enter into the process of caregiving. Even though I’ve been involved in caring for my father for many years now, I don’t want to be labeled as a “caregiver”.  I am literally fighting to NOT be categorized primarily as a caregiver. Yes, that is part of who I am but I won’t let it define me.

For the past eight years my father has not been able to live alone. This man has dealt with more health issues than anyone should have to endure. Yet for the most part, he keeps a relatively positive attitude although he does seem to work at driving me crazy on many occasions. J I won’t go into all the details or I would be sitting here typing for days. He has had a stroke, two back surgeries, a shunt placed in his head & is unable to walk without a walker (& that doesn’t include the past six months). Fortunately, he is still mentally pretty sharp at 85 years old.

We have had someone live with him to assist him in the mornings & evenings – & just be there in case he needs help. Again, I could write two books (maybe more) with all that I have learned & figured out to care for him over the years. Offering a free room & a small salary to someone who needs to get back on their feet or a college student has been a godsend to us in getting my dad the minimal care that he needs. I come in every other weekend & a few weeks a year to give the live-in caregiver time off.

Unfortunately, we have moved to another stage of caregiving these past six months. Maybe I’ll go into more detail as time goes on – or maybe I won’t, I don’t know. The Reader’s Digest version is that he has been in one hospital or another eight times in the past six months. It started with cellulitis, then gangrene in a toe, hyperbaric oxygen treatments, clogged arteries in his leg, a toe amputation, more trying to clear the arteries, more hyperbaric & finally a transmetatarsal amputation (the front third of the foot). Following that, since he couldn’t keep weight totally off the foot using a walker, the wound completely opened up.

As of this writing he is getting six weeks of IV antibiotics at a rehab facility. He has been to UCSF Medical Center in San Francisco for evaluation & had yet another procedure done. BUT this past two weeks, small miracle that it seems to be, the wound is suddenly beginning to heal on its own. His doctor is guardedly optimistic that we may avoid a below the knee amputation.

So, you can see how that pretending to be a functional adult quote above resonates with me. Even though I am 64 years old, I’m still not sure when I became the “functioning adult” in charge & it sure as hell is exhausting! When I was around 12, I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait until I was grown up like my mother who always seemed to be in total control. Now, that I am grown up (debatably), I think it was all a smoke & mirrors thing with her – I doubt she felt any more in control than I do! Poor woman!

Thank God for Charley. Who would have ever thought that a 2-1/2 year old would be the reason for keeping my sanity relatively in tact? 

"WHERE'S YOUR NEXT TRIP?"

That is a question that Lou & I have become accustomed to happily answering. Our family, friends & acquaintances know that we love to travel & take every opportunity we can to explore our world. Often times we’ll have a couple of trips in the works. Sometimes I think I enjoy the planning almost as much as the actual travel.

I just counted & over the almost thirteen years that Lou & I have been together, we have taken 40 “big trips”. I define “big trips” as those which are five days or longer & are outside of California or Nevada. If you include those two states, the number reaches into the hundreds.

Unfortunately, we have both been asked the “where’s your next trip” question several times in the past few weeks & have had to answer, “Sadly, we don’t have anything planned.” That is due to the fact that we both have elderly parents with numerous health & medical issues.

My father has been fighting poor circulation in his foot that has resulted in six hospitalizations since December of last year currently culminating in a partial foot amputation. Both my sister & I live 100 miles away which makes it difficult at best. I joke that I’m the “DIC” – “Daughter In Charge”.  The day before our last trip to the Super Bowl in late January, he landed in ICU with severe bleeding ulcers from a new blood thinner. Since his life was not in imminent danger, I headed off for New Jersey with his blessing leaving my sister as the “DIC”. She did a great job & I was ready to hand it over permanently but she has adamantly refused!

Even though all of these issues may likely get worse as time goes on, I told Lou we HAVE to get a trip planned! We each literally have a travel list so we started throwing out ideas. It had to be a trip within the United States on Southwest Airlines since they don’t have change fees if we needed to postpone it. We would make hotel & car reservations that are all cancellable. That way we aren’t out any money if we have to change everything.

A couple of days ago as I read the morning newspaper an article in our Sacramento Bee jumped out at me. “Hmmmm!” I exclaimed, “Here is a big article about Frank Lloyd Wright’s Johnson Tower in Racine, Wisconsin opening for tours.”

“Really?” Lou’s ears perked up as he replied. That is the last big design of Wright’s that we haven’t yet seen. It was only open for tours one Saturday a month but the tower has been recently renovated & will soon be open daily.

Awhile later after he read it, Lou said, “Maybe we should plan a trip to Wisconsin.” There are several Wright designed homes in the area including an impressive one that is also open for public tours. Our experience has always been that we find way more to do than we have time for wherever we go & I’m sure this one will be no different.

I hopped online & checked the Giants schedule to see if we could work a trip around seeing them play the Milwaukee Brewers. We can! They will play in early August so we are happily planning a week long jaunt to Wisconsin. It is Lou’s job to find all the places we want to see & I do my best to fit them all in. This is the part of being a travel agent that I loved!

So, please, go ahead & ask me, “Where’s your next trip?”

My answer will be, “We’re going to Wisconsin in August to see some more Frank Lloyd Wright sites & the Giants play the Brewers!”

Even though parts of my life may be spinning out of control, at least our travel plans are back on track! That makes things a little more right with my world – & time with my Charley Ellen, of course.

IN AN INSTANT

This will be more somber than most of my thoughts. This morning I planned to take a “me day” – get a massage, shop a little, maybe get my nails done. On my way down Antelope Road I came upon a traffic back up. All I could see initially were several TV news truck antennas in the air & many police cars with lights flashing.

As I approached the scene, a mutilated pile of metal that used to be a car was in one lane, a police car was off the road in the bushes & a slightly damaged pick-up truck nearby. Then I saw the yellow tarp draped over the remains of the car. I knew it was covering a dead body. Someone was driving down the same road I travel at least 2 or 3 times a week having no idea that their life would end momentarily. It totally unnerved me.

As I made my first stop at the post office a few blocks ahead, I pulled out my phone & checked a local news station’s website for details. What I learned unnerved me even more. A high speed chase between the police & some burglary suspects reaching speeds of 100 mph had continued until the suspects crashed into the car. A man & a girl were killed instantly - a father taking his daughter to school.

It was such a sobering moment that I considered skipping my “me day”. But then I decided to go ahead & take care of myself. There was nothing I could do to help those poor innocent victims driving down the street as they probably did every morning without thinking that their lives could be over in an instant. Every one of us needs to take care of ourselves & those we love EVERY day. No one ever knows for sure that we’ll be alive tomorrow – or even in 10 minutes.

It is hard not to wonder what our world is coming to when innocent people can’t drive safely down a public street. The fact that two teenagers trying to escape the police in a botched burglary can snuff out two lives then flee the scene is abominable. Fortunately, the young men were caught & will be charged with homicide.

There is too much violence & too much apathy in this country. I’m not sure what we can do to stop it but something has to change. This was one incident in our neighborhood, but similar tragedies & others occur daily in many neighborhoods all over the United States. As we turned on the TV this afternoon to find more details about what was surely the lead story on the local news, we were stunned to find out that it wasn’t.

A gunman was again on the loose shooting people at Fort Hood, Texas. Three were dead & many injured as the incident continued to unfold. Countless families were locked in their homes on the base, terrified of being shot & killed. This violence, whether with a car or a gun, is all too commonplace in our world.

The most prosperous & advanced country in the world has to find a way to stop this senseless violence, destruction & death. In the meantime, give those you love an extra hug & tell them again & again how much you love them. It could all be over in an instant.

I LOVE A BARGAIN!

Man, I love it when I find a great bargain! It can pretty much make my whole day, maybe even my week. Now, I’m not talking just a sale where you can save 10, 15 or 20% off. Don’t get me wrong those are wonderful but I’m talking the REALLY good deals when you find something on the clearance rack that is 80% off AND you have a coupon for another discount.

A couple of days ago, I found one of the best bargains ever, but I’ll get to the details of that in a few minutes.

I am the discount queen when it comes to saving money & finding bargains. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been living on a fairly tight budget for most of your life. Over the years as I was able to spend a few more dollars, I realized that I relished the thrill of finding the bargain much more than I enjoyed spending more money. Years ago, I came across a great pair of boots at Ross (one of my favorite places, BTW) for $12. I loved them & literally wore the soles out from wearing them so much.

Lou & I thoroughly enjoy dressing up on the formal nights when we take cruises. He splurged on a tuxedo about 6 or 7 cruises ago which has turned out to be a real bargain, too. When we have a cruise booked, I start checking out Ross on Tuesdays several months before we sail. If you aren’t familiar with Ross, Tuesday is senior day when people 55 & over get an extra 10% off of already low prices. At last count I have about ten cocktail or formal dresses in my closet. Not one cost more than $30 & my last one was $12.99. Then I hit the clearance area of DSW (Designer Show Warehouse) for shoes & purses. Voila, I’m ready for formal night!

Unfortunately, I either need a bigger closet or I need to stop finding bargains. Hmmm, I think I’ll go with the bigger closet. J My latest discovery is shopping at Kohl’s, but don’t ever pay full price. They have made the rules & I simply play by them. I applied for their credit card & joined their Rewards program. That often gives me discounts up to 30% when I use my card. Plus I get coupons for $5 off on a $5 purchase & occasionally even $10 off on $10. Of course, I usually spend a few dollars more but I would estimate that I have at least 10 – 15 tops that cost me under $5.

But this past Friday was my best ever success at working the system. This month is my birthday so I received an email coupon for $10 off to use once during March. A few days later I received a $5 reward from previous purchases. That was followed in another couple of days by a mailer with another $5 off coupon if I used my Kohl’s charge. There was a one week period when all three of these discounts were valid. And Kohl’s allows you to use all of your discounts on top of each other!

I found two long sleeve Croft & Barrow tops that were on sale for $9.99 each. I pulled out all my discounts & ended up walking out of the store with both tops for FREE!!! I didn’t have to spend another penny. Woo Hoo! The guy who rang up the sale said, “Wow! Great job! You have two cents left.” I told him he could keep that. That was the first time I came away with two items that were totally free. I decided that was my birthday gift from Kohl’s. Thank you, Kohl’s!

I just hope they don’t change their policies anytime soon. My guess is that most people spend much more when they head to the store with their coupons. But I am damn good at working the system & playing by the rules that the store sets up. Pardon me while I give myself a quick pat on the back. J I love the tops but I think I love the fact that they were the ultimate bargain even more.

My sister-in-law still talks about several home decorating items she stumbled onto in Montana. She literally paid $1 each for all kinds of really cool stuff for her tables & shelves. There is just something special about feeling like you got something for nothing – without stealing it!

Now, please, share a few of your bargain hunting stories with me. Thanks!

OLYMPIC JUNKIES

We vividly recall all the old time Olympians – Jonny Mosley, Dan Jansen, Scott Hamilton, Apolo Anton Ohno – who are now the color commentators for the current Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Many current athletes competing for the U.S.A. are familiar names – Julia Mancuso, Shani Davis, Bode Miller, Shaun White, Gracie Gold – on & on it goes.

My family loves the Olympics! When either the Summer or Winter Olympics come around, there is a two week period that finds us glued to the TV, trying to avoid hearing results all day in order to be surprised by the evening telecast. My son, Darrin, & I are the worst. We stay up late every night texting each other when something great (or lousy) happens.

Every four years we are suddenly enthralled with slopestyle snowboarding, speed skating, biathalon, mogul skiing, figure skating, luge, bobsledding & of course, curling! Last Olympics Darrin looked up the rules for curling & once we knew the basics along with the object of the game, it became almost mesmerizing to watch the players send the “rock” down the lane as their teammates furiously sweep the ice to change its speed.

My daughter-in-law, Allison, has dubbed us “Olympic Junkies” – a perfect description of the affliction that takes hold of us every other year. It’s appropriate, too, because when the closing ceremonies are over, there really is a sort of physical withdrawal that takes place inside us when there are no longer hours of competition in obscure sports to fill our days & evenings.

From the time Darrin was a teenager (he will be 38 next month – yikes!), we have shared 2 – 3 hour fast food lunches together. We are never at a loss for words & I am convinced that we could solve all the world’s problems if people would only listen to us! Now, that he is a husband & father our lunches have become less frequent. BUT yesterday he invited me to lunch at McDonalds “to talk Olympics” – don’t have to ask me twice, I’ll be there with bells on!

For two hours we analyzed present performances & events, rehashed some of the older Olympic moments & reminisced about Darrin’s aspirations of winter sports competition over Chicken McNuggets (with Sweet Chili & Habanero Ranch dipping sauce made specially for the Winter Games). I do believe we have started a new tradition for mother & son.

When Darrin was really young our family was inspired to try ice skating after watching the figure skating at Lake Placid in 1980. Our four year old announced that he was “going to do a sit spin” like he saw the skaters perform on TV. Alas, there were no sit spins of any consequence but we did have fun!

We took up cross-country skiing after seeing it in the Winter Games. Of course, we started off trying to go really fast like the Olympians, but soon learned to slow down & enjoy the scenery. Over the years Darrin has wanted to be a short-track speed skater, a slider (luge) & just four years ago was tempted to take up curling when he learned there is a curling club in San Jose.

When he was 16, Darrin tried out for the U.S. Junior Luge Team on their recruiting trip to California. They had sleds with wheels & used closed freeway on ramps for the tryouts. He was invited to Lake Placid for a month of training to see if he was good enough to compete. Unfortunately, it was during the school year & at our expense. Plus he was taking flying lessons & ultimately chose to continue that pursuit instead.

On vacation in Calgary a few years later, we stopped for a tour of the Olympic Park. One of the “attractions” was to slide down the last third of the Olympic luge track on a real luge sled. Of course, we all tried it! Darrin & his dad did it twice each where as I settled for one attempt. The instructions were to simply relax & the sled will do the work. Yeah, right – as I went up one side of the ice trench then way up the other side, my brain kicked in saying, “You had better relax, girl, or you’re going to be upside down in no time.” Well, I’ll be damned if I didn’t relax & amazingly, the ride smoothed out.

We reached speeds of 25 – 30 MPH which seemed pretty damn fast to me. I can’t imagine going 80 MPH on your back down a hill when 30 MPH felt like flying! It was an experience of a lifetime for us Olympic wannabes. Maybe a bobsled ride is next on the horizon. 

DOES THIS MAKE MY BUTT LOOK BIG?

I just love all the really fun boots that are out there this winter. I used some Christmas money to buy a super cute pair of champagne colored mid-calf boots with big laces up the front & a zipper on the side you don’t have to tie them every time.

Being somewhat older than the average female fashionista, I have had some difficulty finding pants that will fit smoothly in the boots without bunching making it look like I’m wearing a pair of fatigues & combat boots. The tights that many young women wear look great if you weigh 85 pounds & don’t jiggle. Not me for sure!

Having reached the age of 60-something, I just will not wear something that is totally uncomfortable anymore no matter how great it looks. That pretty much eliminates the skin tight, & I do mean SKIN tight, jeans that many women wear now days. I’ve seen plenty of women with their “muffin tops” exposed & their jeans so snug that you can see pretty much every nook & cranny of the feminine anatomy.

Whatever happened to stirrup pants? I know they went out of style sometime in the 80s – or was it even earlier? But they were wonderful to wear with boots. Maybe they will make a comeback.

Currently, there is a clothing item on the market known as “jeggings” – a cross between leggings & jeans. Well, I bought a pair the other day that are really stretchy & look like jeans except that they are basically skin tight but remarkably comfortable. Fortunately, they have some substance to hold in most parts without cutting off your circulation.

I put them on this morning with my super cute boots for a lunch date with a friend. I tried looking at myself in the mirror from every angle to make sure things weren’t bulging out somewhere that they shouldn’t be. Finally I went downstairs to get Lou’s opinion.

We have discussed the age old question, “Honey, does this make my butt look big?” a couple times. I’ve told him I will never ask him that particular question because we both know that there is only one right answer, “No, of course not”. And besides, if I’m being honest, I know when something makes me look fat. Here is the conversation:

Me: Okay, I want your honest opinion. I promise I won’t get upset or angry but I need to know if these jeggings make me look too fat or to bulgy or like an old lady wearing something inappropriate.

Lou (in a pleading voice):  You are not supposed to ask that question.

Me:  I’m not asking if my butt looks big. I’m asking if anything is bulging or rolling or if it is just too much.

Lou (after looking me over):  No, it looks good, very stylish.

Me:  Are you sure? If you saw me walking down the street, would you think, ‘Look at that old woman trying to look like a teen-ager’?

Lou:  No, you look fine. Very nice.  And no camel toe (he added a few seconds later with a smile).

Me:  Okay, thanks Sweetie, that’s good to know.

I’m sure I heard him breathe a sigh of relief as I left the room to finish getting ready for my lunch.  My friend, Judi, confirmed that I did indeed look just fine & she added that she has seen far, far worse. I know what she means. I recall a middle-aged woman in the Paris airport a few years back who would have made a plumber blush when she bent down to get something out of her bag. Yikes!

I’ve always been a bit of a rebel & love to push the envelope a bit when it comes to fashion choices but I really don’t want to offend anyone’s sensitivities. I just want my pants to stay tucked in my boots. Is that too much to ask?

NEW COLD WEATHER BOOTS

Since we are headed to the Super Bowl in New Jersey in a few weeks, & since the Farmer’s Almanac has predicted a huge blizzard during that time, we decided to use our New Year’s Eve jaunt to Old Sacramento for the annual fireworks celebration last night as a test for our foul-weather gear.

First of all, Old Sac did a fantastic job with the fireworks last night! We have seen them many times & they were cool, but, hey, fireworks are fireworks.  This year the city hired a new company that had four staging areas & they did a bang up job – pun intended! I was quite impressed & who doesn’t love multi-colored fireballs exploding everywhere? It was sensory overload at times.

But back to the cold weather clothes. I had my heavy hooded down jacket & my new “guaranteed warmest” thinsulate gloves that I just purchased. That was paired with my old after-ski boots that are toasty warm for traipsing through the snow. Lou had bought some new snow gloves, too, along with a pair of insulated boots & extra warm socks. He dug out a really cozy fur hat he bought in Russia years ago along with a brightly colored knit neck scarf.

Well, it turns out we were woefully OVER-dressed for the 38-40 degree weather in Sacramento & probably looked a little silly all bundled up. We saw several men dressed in shorts with sandals & a few women in mini-skirts. Come on people, it wasn’t THAT warm. But, hopefully, that means we will stay fairly warm in what could be a freezing snow storm back east.

However, I did learn that my trusty after-ski boots are great for a few hours of minimal walking but aren’t going to cut it long term. I figure I need to be prepared to walk miles & wear these boots all day long since it will likely be a nightmare getting to & from the stadium on Super Sunday.

Armed with some of my Christmas money (which I love by the way since it is such fun to shop without spending “my” money), I headed to the local sporting goods stores today to find some new boots. Of course, I wanted them to be warm, waterproof, somewhat stylish, comfortable & affordable.

It turns out that one store was closing out its winter clothing & boots. It was all up front in the store away from the footwear department with the benches for trying on shoes. Things had been picked through a bit but there were still a few choices in my fairly normal size 8. Now, if I was a size 6 or size 10, I would have had tons of choices.

With no chairs nearby, I ended up sitting on the floor with several boxes around me trying on lots of cold weather boots. Fortunately, the store wasn’t busy & no one bothered me so I spent a long time sitting, standing up, walking around, sitting again, changing boots & doing it again while deciding which pair best met all my criteria.

Finally I had decided on a pair that met all of my requirements except the tag on the display boot said $49.99, no sale price. Damn it! Several others were marked down to $34.99 but they just didn’t feel as good or look as good. I finally decided “what the hell” I’m going to get them anyway. After all, Christmas money is meant to be spent on things that you wouldn’t normally buy. And I love a sale as much as the next person, but I thought these are the ones, don’t quibble over 15 bucks, Kath.

As I cleaned up my make shift shoe department area putting things back in their boxes & on the shelf, I moved the display boot of the one I’d chosen. And guess what? The tag flipped around & it was on sale for $34.99, too!  Woo Hoo!!! SCORE!